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 Post subject: Predict Sufjan's Tracklisting for YOUR State's Album!
PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 4:51 pm 
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Hair Trigger of Doom

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Needless to say, swiateck, f4df, and the entire Chicago crew are all exempt from this exercise...

Sufjan Stevens presents: The Stars At Night Are Big And Bright CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! Deep in the Heart of Texas (2017)

1. Carole Keeton McClellan Rylander Strayhorn is One Tough Grandma!
2. Yikes!! The Day Laborers Have Invaded and Are Willing To Work For Thousands Less!
3. Steers and Queers? Not in Austin. It's More Like Hippies and Yuppies!
4. I Am Henry Lee Lucas III, I Am!
5. It's Time To Mow and Edge The Grassy Knoll!
6. There Are Rusted Cadillacs Partially Buried Along the Side of the Highway That Runs Through the Panhandle On the Way to Buddy Holly's Hometown!
7. John Ross Ewing Was Not So Much Based on a Specific Person as a Composite of Various Dallas-Area Oil Magnates from the 1970's!
8. The Galveston I Know Is Not Unlike the One Immortalized in Song by Glen Campbell, Except He Forgot to Mention the 1900 Storm!
9. Houston!
10. Help!! I Smell Tear Gas! I Hear Bullets! I am a Branch Davidian!
11. Don't Mind the Scenery, Lance Rentzel's Just Airing Out His Weenie Again!
12. Forget the Alamo...Remember the Sportatorium!
13. The Next Person Who Mentions L.B.J. is Getting a Knee to the Groin!
14. The Thing About the Red River is That It Isn't Really Red, But It Sure Would Be Cool If It Was!
15. A Trip to Boystown Will Make You a Man, Albeit One With a Litany of Untreatable Sexually Transmitted Diseases Which Can Never Be Discussed in Mixed Company!
16. Won't You Run Over Me With Your Mercedes, Clara Harris, Clara Harris?
17. Dolph Briscoe Really Was Once Governor of Texas, and His Name Really Was Dolph!
18. Ambient Noise is Leaking From Inside the Superconducting Supercollider, Despite the Fact That It Was Never Completed Due To Massive Cost Overruns!
19. Back When They Filmed "Giant" in Marfa, Nobody Even Suspected Rock Hudson Was Gay!
20. Don't Mess With Texas, or You'll Be Subject to a Fine for Littering!
21. Billy Bob Thornton is From Arkansas, Not Texas!
22. Virtually Every High School in San Antonio is Named After a Supreme Court Justice, Except for Souter!


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 Post subject: Re: Predict Sufjan's Tracklisting for YOUR State's Album!
PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 5:14 pm 
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hahaha that's brilliant!


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 5:27 pm 
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If I had to guess:


1 Flint (For the Unemployed and Underpaid)
2 All Good Naysayers, Speak Up! Or Forever Hold Your Peace!
3 For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti
4 Say Yes! To Michigan!
5 The Upper Peninsula
6 Tahquamenon Falls
7 Holland
8 Detroit, Lift Up Your Weary Head! (Rebuild! Restore! Reconsider!)
9 Romulus
10 Alanson, Crooked River
11 Sleeping Bear, Sault Saint Marie
12 They Also Mourn Who Do Not Wear Black (For the Homeless in Muskegon)
13 Oh God, Where Are You Now? (In Pickeral Lake? Pigeon? Marquette? Mackinac?)
14 Redford (For Yia-Yia & Pappou)
15 Vito's Ordination Song

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 5:49 pm 
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Go Platinum
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I'm going to personally petition him to leave my state alone.


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 Post subject: Re: Predict Sufjan's Tracklisting for YOUR State's Album!
PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 5:49 pm 
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FT wrote:
Needless to say, swiateck, f4df, and the entire Chicago crew are all exempt from this exercise...

Sufjan Stevens presents: The Stars At Night Are Big And Bright CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! Deep in the Heart of Texas (2017)


Awesome... can I add?

23. An Open Letter To Waco -- Thanks for Jennifer Love Hewitt!
24. In My Surburban on Highway 6, the Devil's Pacific Coast Highway.
25. My Girl Looks Like the Road between Ft. Worth and Dallas; No Curves!
26. Where Does Houston End and Mexico City Begin?
27. Not Your Usual Lubbock.
28. Pass the Old El Paso and Go Directly to Phoenix.
29. The Astrodome is Filled with the Broken Promises of Former Governor Richards.
30. Red State Boogie or How ZZ Top Became Famous, then Didn't.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 7:06 pm 
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I'd like to give FT the award for most obvious yet brilliant thread ever. What a great idea.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 7:22 pm 
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Hair Trigger of Doom

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kabob wrote:
I'd like to give FT the award for most obvious yet brilliant thread ever. What a great idea.


Thanks, but it will only be great if other states besides Texas participate. Such as Washington, perhaps?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 9:07 pm 
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Location: Philadelphia/New Jersey
Sufjan Stevens presents Love and Hate in the Garden State

1. Jon Corzine accidental took my luggage at Newark Liberty Airport!
2. I went out towards Freehold to visit Bruce Springsteen's house.
3. The "Trenton Makes" Bridge could use another paintjob.
4. Some Magazine named Moorestown the best town in America, but I like Hamilton better.
5. I tried to leave John Nash a message on his Princeton U voicemail, but it was full!
6. Six Flags Great Adventure traffic is clogging up the turnpike
7. I had to enter rehab because I became addicted to wawa iced tea.
8. If you go to Rutgers, there is a 25% chance you have an std.
9. I sideswiped Jon Bon Jovi driving through a traffic circle.
10. I thought I saw Robert Randolph pumping somebody's gasoline, but I was wrong.
11. Grandma gambled away her social security check in Atlantic City last month.
12. Asbury Park is falling down, so I prefer to go down to Wildwood.
13. It's pronounced "Tren-ton," not "Trent-en"!
14. For some reason nobody seems to laugh when passing by Fort Dix.
15. Garden State Parkway coin toss blues.
16. The battleship in Camden could shoot the Ben Franklin Bridge.
17. The Sopranos is filming their final season down the street from me.
18. Former Governor James McGreevey's emptying out his closet doors.
19. I wonder if Thomas Edison ever cooked himself some vennison.
20. The sign in the Pine Barrens says low threat of forest fires today.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 10:18 pm 
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sufjan stevens presents: im running out of places to do, so i thought id do canada. canadas north

only one track
1) kick those tree hugging enviromentalists in the nuts and tell them to fuck off to their homes in the juan da fuca straight and stop telling us what to do.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 3:55 am 
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Sufjan Stevens Presents: Hawaii's Calling Or I've Just Always Wanted To Go There Even Though I Know Nothing About It's History, People, Culture, Or Music

1. What Do You Mean They Don't Give Out Free Leis? Or The Scent Of Plumeria Mixed With Diesel Jet Fuel At The Airport

2. I've Just Discovered That I Can't Afford To Pay Rent Here So I'm Living With 12 Other Surfers In A Studio Apartment With Holes In It Out On The North Shore.

3. The Serenade Of The Night Gecko and Cocqui Frogs.

4. No Man, I Don't Go Down To The Beach Everyday, It's Like This: If You Had Steak and Lobster Everyday Sooner Or Later You'd Get Tired Of It Too.

5. Where Are All The Hawaiians? I Keep Seeing Other Tourists and Young Japanese Kids Driving Around Late At Night On The Streets Of Waikiki In Their Souped-Up Acura Integras.

6. Hey, I've Got A Great Idea: Let's Build Yet Another Golf Course Or Apartment High Rise Here.

7. What's With This Mauka Or Makai Thing Anyways? Why Can't They Just Use North, South, East, West Like The Rest Of Us?

8. I'm Wearing An Aloha Shirt, Shorts, and Rubber Slippers To My Grandma's Funeral and There's Nothing Anyone Can Do About It.

9. Don Ho Night Show Or Locals Drinking Bud Light With Tiny Bubbles.

10. Near The Main Courthouse Downtown Yesterday I Saw Woman Dressed In A Muu Muu and White Sneakers.

11. You Pau? Kay Den, Nuff Already. I Go Shut The Light For Sleep.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 4:48 am 
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Location: Itinerant
Wisconsin sounds like whiskey, but I hear they drink mostly brandy (if not beer)

01. Cow-tipping encouraged for a more prompt delivery
02. Pillage the Packers from the NFC North, and you can kiss my butt a/k/a Don't lionize mediocrity
03. To shop at the Plainfield thrift-mart is to feel out of your skin
04. Visited Milwaukee when I played the Summerfest, drank the water, and still did not get sick (Cryptosporidium song)
05. Tommy Thompson was a "fatty" and he still served as Sec't of Health and Human Services
06. The Badgers football team plays there now, but Union soldiers trained at Camp Randall, which seems more impressive when you think how the U.S. Army won and ended slavery in the South, while the UW lost to Georgia in the Hall of Fame Bowl (twice)
07. A dearth of honesty and effort beset the Earth Day commemoration, and for that I apologize, Sen. Nelson
08. I want to command a ship thru an unknown sea, just as Jean Nicolet did
09. Al McGuire said he's so good he's frightening, but I am not scared
10. Join me in cashing this bowl at Weedstock a/k/a Ben Mazell sends his compliments

Hidden track: Gone Daddy Gone/Closer to Free Medley

* Note: I have met Ben Mazell (spelling of whose name I hope I have correct), since he is acquainted with my father. He's a rather weird man (with he referring to either my father or Ben).


Last edited by NatlGalleryOfClipArt on Mon Jul 18, 2005 4:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 6:50 am 
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Sufjan Stevens presents: Four live in Ohio

01. Diary Entries of a Coxswain at Marietta College
02. Warren G Harding OR Stephen Colbert Doesn't Know What He's Talking About
03. A Whole Lotta Shaker Heights Goin' On
04. Highlights of the National Afro-American Museum
05. Serpent Mound OR Round on the Ends High in the Middle
06. The Great "Cedar Point vs. Kings Island" Debate
07. Youngstown
08. Lowlights of the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame
09. The Pain of Abandonment OR How Art Modell Changed My Life Forever
10. Epiphanies Received While Sitting in Front of Thomas Cole's "The Architect's Dream" at the Toledo Museum of Art
11. Halloween in Athens OR Dressing up as the Empire State Building
12. Midlights of a Buckeye Championship Season
13. Why The Governor Isn't Fat Despite Having a Last Name of 'Taft'
14. Miami University OR Ken and Barbie go to College OR It's All Greek to Me
15. Burn On (Randy Newman cover)
16. Dayton
17. A Celebration of MAC bowl victories and Sweet 16 appeareances
18. Mister Muskie's Blues OR Another Day in the Life of a Xavier History Major
19. Friday Night in Massillon
20. Getting to Canton The Hard Way OR R.I.P. Hank Stram


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 8:20 am 
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Sufjan Stevens Presents: Sword Dances Of Bonnie Bonnie Scotland. Come Oan An' Trim Ma Toe Nails!! (2049)

1. Triangle lights in the sky? Some say alien invaders some say a secret Stealth fighter base on the unihabited and wild Kyle of Lochalsh.

2. THE TIM PRODDY WAR or How to cut the throat of a kid with a green sweater on and still feel good about yourself in the morning or We apologize for blowing you up but Libya sent us loads of this stuff in the eighties and damn if we're not going to use it or "I have rows and rows and rows of Kalashnikovs in the cellar of my theme bar, wait there until I change the barrel".

3. SWORD DANCES OF BONNIE BONNIE SCOTLAND (COME OAN AN' TRIM MA TOE NAILS!!)
Part 1 : Only We Have More Cheap Turkish Herion Than The Turkish do.
Part 2 : Molly Weir, Put Some Clothes On And Get Out Of My Head!

4. SAWNEY BEAN BUTCHERED AND ATE MY MOTHER AND YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR MOTHERS MOTHER.

5. AUCHTERMUCHTY

6. A Short Reprise for Flora McDonald, who made love to an aristocratic fopp in a rowing boat while he was dressed as a woman, with a petticoat on and everything!

7. A MIGHTY CHASM or, a Round of Applause for Joe Jordan's teeth.

8. Salvatore - a last hoorah for the fish supper (youwannafishanchips?)

9. THE BRIGHT BRIGHT LIGHTS OF MACHRIHANISH PREPARE TO BE DAZZLED.

10. FRAN N' ANNA DAY

11. An address to Red Clydeside. McLean is the man. Drive those rivets deep and he will give you a utopia of gruelling work and quite good sanitary conditions.

12. Why must you spray paint the neo-classical grave architecture of your forefathers? The people who made this city great? Why must you spoil the NECROPOLIS?

13. SMOKE DOES BELCHETH FROM THY LUM. A GORBALS STORY 1949.

14. Motherwell could break a great man. Existential angst and how the world is all the better for it.

15. Dear Council, there far to many wasps at the Botanic Gardens could you please do something because one crawled into my can of Cola and I almost drank it. Stings in the mouth are very dangerous because they cause swelling that obstructs breathing and can cause death.

16. They Are Neds!! They Roam The Streets At Night!! They throw bottles of Woodpecker Cider at me because I'm a fag!!

17. Ivor Cutler's heart breaking harmonium has done it again.

18. Only the colour purple will bring peace in this accursed town!

19. THE WORLDS LARGEST CINEMA (RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW)

20. THE BIG YIN
Part 1: The early years when I was funny.
Part 2: How I got Steve Martin to wear a kilt.

21. The Chords That Attracted The Kurt. Thank You Eugene Kelly, Frances McKee, Norman Blake and even Steven Pastel. I love you all!

22. An infected ear drum, the result of Jacobs stone pillow which gave us this land in the name of God. My neck is stiffer now but freer and will be stiffer and freer still.

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Evil Dr. K "The Jimmy McNulty of Payment Protection Insurance"


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 12:07 pm 
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Hair Trigger of Doom

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Well-played, guys! Let's see some more states, people!!!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 12:14 pm 
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Sketch wrote:
03. A Whole Lotta Shaker Heights Goin' On


My favorite so far!


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 12:15 pm 
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konstantinl wrote:
Come Oan An' Trim Ma Toe Nails!! (2049)


A VERY close second!


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 12:17 pm 
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south pacific wrote:
Sufjan Stevens Presents: Hawaii's Calling Or I've Just Always Wanted To Go There Even Though I Know Nothing About It's History, People, Culture, Or Music

8. I'm Wearing An Aloha Shirt, Shorts, and Rubber Slippers To My Grandma's Funeral and There's Nothing Anyone Can Do About It.


.




ahhhh haaa ha ha ha ha

how about a shout out to
"Da Kine Grinds and Bruddah Sam's Gourmet Breakfastses: Holy hot damn that man is fat"

or

"I saw a wicked car accident on the Pali"


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 12:25 pm 
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monty wrote:
06. The Badgers football team plays there now, but Union soldiers trained at Camp Randall, which seems more impressive when you think the U.S. Army won and ended slavery in the South, while the UW lost to Georgia in the Hall of Fame Bowl (twice)

=my favorite so far.

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[quote="Bloor"]He's either done too much and should stay out of the economy, done too little because unemployment isn't 0%, is a dumb ingrate who wasn't ready for the job or a brilliant mastermind who has taken over all aspects of our lives and is transforming us into a Stalinist style penal economy where Christian Whites are fed into meat grinders. Very confusing[/quote]


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 12:34 pm 
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frostingspoon

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Sufjan Stevens presents: Oregon, the old hippie that lives in California's attic

1. The national finals of hackee sack and ultimate frisbee - live from Eugene
2. Fire in the trailer park (meth-cooking directions used metric measurements)
3. At Mary's Club with Chuck Palahniuk
4. I saw DB Cooper at the Medford Target
5. Hawthorne (How many lesbian book stores can one town have?)
6. PBR and white belts - let's start an indie band
7. "What part of California are you from?"
8. The Vegan Suicides
9. Hey Groening! I used to live on Flanders Street. Lovejoy too!
10. On the Beach (Goddamn its cold, isn't it July?)
11. Bill Walton's Beard

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 12:46 pm 
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frostingspoon
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rparis74 wrote:
8. The Vegan Suicides

New favorite.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 12:57 pm 
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frostingspoon
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rparis74 wrote:
2. Fire in the trailer park (meth-cooking directions used metric measurements)

4. I saw DB Cooper at the Medford Target


These two are fucking awesome.

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A poet and philosopher, Mr. Marcus is married and is a proud parent.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 12:59 pm 
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Since there are a good bit of Georgians we can probably all contribute a couple and knock some of mine out:

1. I used to buy dime bags on a street behind Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium where Henry Aaron broke the white-devil Babe Ruth's homerun record that were so big that they had to staple them shut.

2. Frankly my dear, I have no interest in looking both ways before I cross the street, traffic be damned.

3. Terminus, the city too inconsequential to not change its name....

4. If you came back from the past in a time machine and thought that you were in the state capital but only found the state mental hospital, well, you'd be in Milledgeville again.

5. The dyed Green Savannah River and the dyed Green Savannah beer taste alike after 15 or 16.

6. Existing on a diet of Varsity chili dogs, onion rings, and orange drinks and sell my offal to Exxon.

7. Ty Cobb - The Georgia Peach(South Carolina grows more peaches)----An orchestra in 43 parts

8. A lot of famous people who allegedly invented rock'n'roll were born in Macon and the roads are really slippery there too if you are riding your Harley in the rain and Cher and your brother bought a house down by Mercer.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 1:01 pm 
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frostingspoon

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#5 is the best one - haha.

plus - terminus? really?

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 1:06 pm 
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Go Platinum

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Location: NOLA
Louisiana ! Every Respectable Nation Needs a Boot.

1. Natural Resources for sale and cheap.
2. At least we're not Mississippi (the tale of the 2nd to last state on very list)
3. Huey P. Long, Edwin Edwards or how to become wealthy by being governor.
4. Will the last one to leave remember to turn the lights off.
5. We might be poor and stupid but dammit if we can't cook.
6. Invasion of the Chinese seafood!
7. New Orleans the European City of decadence or an excuse to go to strip clubs.
8. The state to not fly over if you are a rock star.
9. The irony of Old Man River
10. Please save our coast, our lives, and our homes because you need us more than you know.
11. Thank you Alabama and Florida for taking the bad Hurricanes
12. North of I-10, who the hell are those people?
13. Oh Josh Booty what have you done?
14. Sherman burned Atlanta but save Louisiana
15. Crook or Racist? A state decides what poison pill to take.
16. Napoleon's thumbprint on America

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I tried to find somebody of that sort that I could like that nobody else did - because everybody would adopt his group, and his group would be _it_; someone weird like Captain Beefheart. It's no different now - people trying to outdo ! each other in extremes. There are people who like X, and there are people who say X are wimps; they like Black Flag.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 1:13 pm 
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frostingspoon
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Josh Booty. Nice.

You could have also thrown in:
O, Golden Meadows! Your Entrepreneurial Police Dept. is Rivaled Only by the Most Unscrupulous Tijunana Gendarme!

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