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DISCLAIMER: This post will probably be long, so just giving a fair warning
I work with drug and alcohol addicted teens. Most of you probably know that already, on some level. The setting is a group home supported 80% by the state of California. All other funding comes from private donations. We are lucky enough to hold the title of a "non-profit agency".
There are two separate types of programs these kids can come in on. The first is called "Discovery". The kids in this program are there for 3 months and they come from Juvenile Hall. They are a part of the Discovery program because they supposedly have more supportive families than other kids and have limited actual charges. They are not the most troubled youth and they tend to not even necessarily have drug and alcohol addictions. They are sent to us for 3 months at a time to learn about recovery and start the initial stages of internalization as it relates to recovery and the possibility of addiction. They do, however, seem to be the source of a lot of behavioral issues. They tend to be spoiled and often refuse to do their daily responsibilities. They are more just a pain in the ass than anything else. They don't really struggle too much with not smoking or not using while in the program.
The second program is simply termed "long-term". These kids are with us for between 9-12 months. There are exceptions, as there was recently a youth that left the program after 23 months. These kids have a lot of issues beyond addiction. I struggle to say all are addicted, but I can confidently say that most of them do have psychological disorders. The benefit of having these kids is that we have the time to build relationships with them and also offer them the means to get psychological evaluations by professionals. Something which may not happen when they are just with their families on the outs. Most kids come from rather low end socioeconomic status. These kids tend to be compliant with structure, unless their disorders are severe. However, these are the kids that eventually go on home passes and tend to get drunk or high while still in the program.
Enough background. Here's the story:
So recently we had this 16 year old kid who made it to phase 4 of 5 in our program. At this time, they have done lots of recovery work, obtained a sponsor, and done the foot work to have built trust in our program and receive the privilege of going home for the weekends. This one particular kid, about 4 weeks ago, came back to the home drunk. Now, he was lucky we allowed him back at that time because normally if they come back drunk or high we cannot let them in because it can trigger the other kids in the home and it is also technically against the law.
When a kid relapses or uses and remains in the program, we place him on a phase called "stoplight". Summed up, it is just a 6 week minimum time where they are not on their regular phase and they are to focus on their relapse, weigh the pros and cons of their actions, and do some self-examination. We flippantly call kids relapsing as "causing drama". Rightfully so, because when these kids use, they tend to bring back this negative attitude to the homes. It affects everyone in the home, including staff. Sometimes it is great for reaching an individual kids. Other times it leads to horrible results. This story is one of those times where things ended up awfully. In the boys program there are three homes with a max of 6 kids in each home. For those less mathematically inclined, that is a maximum of 18 kids when we are full. The house that I work at had 6 kids in it. The one who came back drunk was in my house.
To add to the situation we recently gained a new staff that lives in the home. He is not the best, but no one really is when they first arrive. But, this just means that kids, especially the crafty ones, use it to their benefit. There has been an increase in the past week or so of negative attitude and behavior. Sometimes, though, staff is left to wait until the shit hits the fan because it's difficult to know when you are acussing vs. sounding as though you are concerned and care about the kid. Well, the shit hit the fan.
I don't work Fridays or Saturdays in a normal week. So, yesterday, I heard that this kid that had relapsed a month ago was acting crazy and kicking the van because it wouldn't start and denting it. The staff said to him, "Please don't kick the van again". The little gangsta norteno wannabe responded with, "tell me not to do it again" in one of those provoking tones. So, the staff responded with, "please, do not kick the van anymore". Immediately after saying it, the kid kicked the van really hard, denting it again. This all happened the same morning that staff came out to the van and realized that the seats were all down and the van reeked of cigarette smoke. Basically, this means that one ore more kids were sneaking out of the house and either smoking in the van or taking it and joyriding.
So, this one kid got moved to a different house to try and reduce the drama level. Well, I hear today that two other kids in my house ran away today, which to them was the best idea. Apparently, the kids were cutting wires to their windows, which are alarmed, sneaking out at night and going partying. They were getting drunk at night and coming back before morning. We were already suspicious considering no one could get up readily in the mornings for school and such. Also, they were off galavanting around the town we are in and apparently people in the area recognized them as the group home kids and were pressuring them to get back home. There are now only 3 kids left in my house of what was 6 on Thursday. It's very sad to me. It's really hard to explain. But, most of these kids have CYA hanging over their heads. CYA is not a place anyone wants to go. California Youth Authority for those of you who do not know. It's juvenile prison, not jail, prison. And, the state can hold someone there until they are 25.
One of the kids also had a knife found in his room, which is very serious. Possibly more serious than the fact that they were cutting wires, stealing our van, and getting wasted at night. We all saw it coming, but I think it is really difficult for me because you don't expect to be as bad as this. I really love a lot of these kids and care for their well-being. I have chosen a job where we are forced to take on a father or mother/big brother or big sister role with them. But, they don't necessarily return such sentiments. It's a very difficult thing for me to handle and it's wierd to see how I react. I kinda feel like blaming this one kid for starting it all, bringing in the negative behavior. It's ridiculous. I don't know. It's hard to explain, but I felt like sharing it with you guys. I feel so bad for these kids that ran because one had been here for 7 months and the other was 2 weeks in. I feel bad because their self-deceived minds allowed them to think that running from placement and was the best option rather than dealing with the consequences that would result. Which would probably have been less severe, meaning we would probably not have discharged them for placement failure.
Either way, I am on my second day off of work and can think of nothing else right now but work. I watched Blade Trinity in an attempt to watch something mindless to keep my mind off it. It didn't work. I am frustrated, sad, and concerned for the little ones. Sometimes I feel so helpless. Sometimes I wish I could force kids into thinking differently. Trying to protect them without smothering them and without babying them is one of the more difficult things that I have dealt with. Then again, I have this thought in my head, "I am quitting my job on June 15th, so just tune out". But, I don't want to do that, as tempting as it sounds.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble, but this is very big for me. They are like my children. I don't know what to do when trust is lost. And, I don't know what to do being placed in the role of parent without actually being one. It's tough. I am going to go to bed I think.
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