Predict to what Monty shall get up on his whirlwind tour of Illinois (Chicago and Springfield) and the infield of Churchill Downs.

3:1 will commit statutory rape with a female old enough to bleed but too young to drive (so, like, a ninth-grader)

10:1 will commit forcible sodomy against a male not yet the age of majority but older than a ninth-grader

2:1 will be arrested by Kentucky State Troopers for drunk and disorderly

Others?

If you think there are 3:1 odds of being a kiddie sex offender in the near future, please kill yourself now. Seriously, jump off a bridge or whatever.

2: 1 Will be harassed and then beaten by a group of church-going pre-teens.

<-----would pay money to see this.

2:1 arrested for molesting a horse.

this post makes me want to call the cops on you.
in light of some of the shit that's been going on around here, i really think you should cool it, monty.

and i'm not fucking kidding.

Then you should have been in Cluj on April 3, 2003. They weren't church-going or pre-teens, but they did punch me about the face and chest. I was drunk, leaving a strip-club with Brian and Tim (who were also drunk), and these gypsies approached Brian to see if we needed whores. He turned down the pimps' offer, and fists were flying.

Oh, what a nite.