Ouch.

You know, though, she may well not think she did anything wrong. In which case, she's a little clueless about your feelings but not deliberately betraying you.

I mean, you were broken up. It wasn't a mega-serious 'relationship'. She knew that you knew that she gets around a bit. Under the circumstances, if I wanted a friend to stay hands-off an ex, I'd say so.

Me, if I wanted to do someone's ex I would ask. Friends first and it's their call. And if I messed up and got drunk or otherwise stupid and screwed their ex as a once-off kinda deal, I'd probably, but not for sure, tell them afterward so they didn't hear it elsewhere first.

She's a clod, but from what you've told us I would give her the benefit of the doubt as to whether or not she thought she was doing something hurtful to you.

Oh right, what about the party? Hell.

So, she's your best friend. It would rock if you could be friends in future, but since you just found out about this (and she was so wrong not to tell you if you were moping over this dude with her post her shagging him, so wrong) and you, like me, holler at people you're mad at when you drink a bit, you can't both be at this party. If it's not at your place, make an excuse and go do something fun for yourself. In a few weeks, call her up, talk to her about it, see if you can salvage anything of your friendship and find a way to forgive her (would a grovelling apology help? That would go a long way with me if I were in your situation).

Hurting 'Dri probably didn't even enter into her mind as she was probably just thinking about how good that attention and sex would feel. 'Dri's already told us that she's selfish.
Giving her the benefit of the doubt is pointless in this situation. Even if 'Dri asked her "Did you know this would hurt my feelings?" do you honestly think the girl would say, "Oh, honey if I'd known I wouldn't have done it". I'd say this girl was thinking of her needs first, just like most humans.

You may be right, stu (and your sig, so apt). But, for all that dri says she's selfish, she also said she was her best friend. Your best friend does something like that to you, I think you should at least try to figure out what went on and what it means for your relationship. If she isn't aghast once she realises how shitty the whole thing was, friend-dump her, fine, but at least try a nonconfrontational chat first, you know?

yeah, something like that.

Ok to answer questions:
-He blew me off. I was bent, because I actually liked him. She knew this. I don't give a fuck if we were broken up or not- I believe in that code that you just don't date your friends' exes, let alone fuck them. If she REALLY wanted to pursue him, she should've asked me and if I was over it, then maybe... but obviously I wasn't.

-I'm fuckin pissed about the situation because she blatantly went behind my back about this, not giving a fuck about how I'd feel, KNOWING how I felt about that asshole and only to find this out months later... yeah, I did date an asshole. I learned my lesson.

-The party is at a bar. Most likely I'm not going to show up, because if I drink, I know I'll get pissed if I'm trying to pretend that everything's fine.


Blah. I know that kicking her ass or confronting her isn't going to do any good- but I'm just fuckin pissed. I guess I'll deal with it later.

Dri, I say be the better person. Don't let your debatably fickle displeasure with your "best" friend (you knew/suspected she'd do this to you) interfere with her going away thing, or, indirectly, your other friends' external involvement in this debacle. I say: confront her judiciously before the party, like tomorrow, but continue with the party anyway, for the sake of your social circle, and in a further benevolent way, for her. This way, you'll have had the chance to unload your grudge, such that you might enjoy the party, and avoid causing a scene there (which will possibly not end with you on top); and if she has any conscience, she'll feel rightly miserable the whole night, and beg for an apology. You don't even have to accept it.

I'm going to agree with Yeeeesh on this one. Confronting her at the party or confronting her once she's moved are bad ideas. If you want a good time to talk about it, tomorrow's your chance...

Oh man, I've just read this. Since I'm part of your semi-circle of friends, can I voice my opinion? Pleeeeeease???

Plain and simple, she fucked up. He fucked up. And as much attitude and lack of respect she's given you as of late, I seriously would NOT have a going away party for her. Fake being sick, fake that you can't afford it or just tell your invited friends that it was a last minute decision to cancel -- I'm sure you can provide some valid excuse. Talk to her privately, send her an email if you don't wanna deal with her in person and tell her that she forgot the golden rule of "chicks before dicks!" Then, bid her farewell.

Seriously, when a 'best friend' screws you over like that, she doesn't belong in your life.

Now seriously, has Tania ever steered you wrong?

The rule is- If you dump them then they're fair game for any of your friends. If they dump you then they are verbotten.

Example- A few months ago a friend of mine married a girl I was with for 1 1/2 years. I broke up with her therefore no foul.

So, since he dumped you she's a bitch and deserves to be tarred and feathered.

That help?

Go with what Tania says, she knows these folks. Ditch the jerk. Send hatemail and dogturds, and get a better best friend

Yeah T, you know exactly who I'm talking about.

I just a LONG conversation with the guy. He fessed up and didn't think it was a big deal because it was a month after whatever happened between me & him and we weren't talking. Obviously I wasn't talking to him b/c I was bitter about what happened.

Anyway-- thanks for the input guys... this shit's been nagging at me all day but I'm feeling a bit better now. I'll probably go with what Ish said. For now, since the girl and the roommate are still living together for another week or so- if I confront her, she'll know where I found it out and it could leave their apt. situation in an ugly ruckus so I wouldn't do that to him. But then, by the time I talk to her, she'll be gone and is there any point to it? I am just going to leave it alone for a few days b/c I have other shit to worry about.

Poor Dri. I still you.

Just give me the name of the bar, time, and photo.


See I got this guy in East Hollywood............who.....uh.............solves problems.

Yay, what do I win?! (Tell me it's the girl, tell me it's the girl.) (The sweet hurt one.)

Dri,

Sounds like you already know how to handle this now(sorry for getting to this late).

But to answer the gentlemen in this thread regarding the circumstances: No matter HOW long it's been since a woman has been broken up with a man and under what circumstances it was or how long they'd been together-the man is STILL off limits to friends for a long period of time until there is some sort of understanding.

It's the woman code.

I'd be pissed. Ohh Dri, I've been in your situation once, 14 yrs ago. My bestest friend at the time did the same damn thing to me, only worse and I came damn close to whipping a phone across the room at her head(well I did but I missed, she ducked). Not kidding. I was pissed.

But then I realized, he was an ass and so was she. Her and I never quite got past it but we eventually became friends again(for a couple years til her sad and fucked up ways weren't something I wanted to be part of-last I heard she was a heroin addict because of her love of the high life and fast sex) but I never quite trusted her around anyone I had dated.

I say vent to her some way you can, tell she's a bitch and slut and whatever comes to mind, it may make you feel better. But only momentarily because then you'll feel even worse in the end.

As for the party, I say go, maybe smile and have fun with the other people. Or stay home and plead sick or whatever else you need to do. Just do what you need to do, it sounds like you're experiencing a gamut of emotions right now, and it's not fair this came down on you while you're already having a bad week.

And if you need to talk, I can offer commiseration and advice, PM me.

Take care hon, hopefully this all gets better...

Jen

oh dri, dri, dri, the stories i could tell you; you gotta get over this shit; i let a similiar (but much, much, more intense) situation nearly destroy me;

be strong, get drunk and dont be like me---that is, let it ride; there are still people shaken up by some of the things that i did over this same kind of shit....

"Ya know theres otha fish in the sea there is....."