Commentaries arrived. YAY!

League 1
Knights Who Say Ni 92.16
Smokin' With Ricky 100.06
When the going gets tough, the tough fall to pieces and the slackers decide to show up. How exactly does that work. Fighting for a playoff spot after dropping two straight, the Knights' front office made a move or two to get something moving. While their performance was an improvement over last week thanks to Muhsin Muhammad (10-179 receiving on 13 targets, 1 TD), it's still a loss. Coach Sketch's lone misstep: starting Randy Moss over Andre Johnson (7-125 on 14 targets, 1-6 rushing) was the deciding factor. "Yeah, hindsight is always clear, isn't it? Let's see... the most talented receiver in the NFL is playing this week. HOW CAN I NOT START HIM?!?!?!?!?!?" shouted the coach furiously. He was taken back to his office and guided by the team therapists to his special happy place. We'll see how the happiness affects his all-important game against the elephantstoners next week. Meanwhile, GM Billz seems to be riding the wave now he has nothing to lose. Clinton Portis (31-148, 1 TD rushing, 3-14, 1 TD receiving on 3 targets) finally decided to show up this season, and Steven Jackson (26-119 rushing, 3-30 receiving on 6 targets) had a great day from the bench. "Dude, this rules. Clit (apparently, Billz' nickname for Portis) got a hold of some X and let it go. The dude can run man... yeah..." As they face nacho next week, their chances of ruining anybody else's playoff hopes during their high are now over.

El Nacho de Muerte 54.64
the andalusian dawgs 55.38
When the going gets tough, the not-so-tough play to their competition. Each of these teams had to win to keep whatever slim playoff chances they had alive. The dawgs ended up victorious thanks to Carson Palmer (29-36-382, 3 TD, 1 INT, 2-7 rushing)... and not much else. Granted, coach bitterbuffalo didn't have much two work with, and Derrick Mason (6-79, 11 targets) did his best to contribute. Nevertheless, it was enough for the victory, and the dawgs are only one win, two losses, and 217+ points away from a playoff spot. Best of luck to them this week. Needless to say, it was a hard loss for coach Nacho. While Corey Dillon and Ashley Lelie (4-105 receiving on 9 targets, 1- -1 rushing) kept him in the game, it simply wasn't enough. Dreaded hindshight suggets starting Julius Jones (30-198 3 TD rushing, 3-11 receiving on 7 targets) would have made the difference. "Willis McGahee, Corey Dillon. HOW CAN I NOT START THEM?!?!?!?!?!?" Coach nacho was forcibly removed from the postgame press conference, and a call was made to the Knight's team therapist for backup.

Fast-Paced Ruralites 75.48
Team Pinoy 152.96
When the going gets tough, the tough might slip a little, or they might turn it up to 11. We saw both cases of that in League 1's Game of the Week. The top two teams were fighting for a playoff spot, and Team Pinoy wanted it more... a LOT more. There was a solid team effort across the board with season-best games from Joe Horn (8-160 receiving on 15 targets, 2 TD) and the Buffalo defense. This beating was also enough to give coach cthulu the lead in the total points race. A win will lock first place throughout the playoffs. Suffice it to say, this wasn't the best performance from coach Huskerpunk's boys. Granted, the injury to Marc Bulger hurt quite a bit, but the rest of the QB arsenal wasn't much of an improvement. LaDainian Tomlinson (30-113 rushing, 2 TDs, 5-17 receiving on 5 targets) had the solid game we've been expecting of him throughout the season, and Reggie Wayne (6-96, TD 8 targets) also contributed. All is not lost for Huskerpunk, though: a win gets him into the playoffs, and the starts have to be in perfect alignment in order for him to be knocked from second to fifth place. "Yeah, we weren't ready to play today, so I took Tiki to take it easy, so we'd be ready for the next few weeks. Yeah, that's the ticket.... what? I did... oh shut up. Leave me alone."

elephantstoners 95.70
Schadenfreude 69.80
When the going gets tough, the championship coach shows his poise. Coach j's team showed that it deserves to be in the playoffs with a decisive win over Schadenfreude. While starting Donald Driver over Chad Johnson and Ronald Curry may have been considered an oversight, there's no denying the power of the Colt connection: Peyton Manning (25-33-425, 3 TDs, 2 INTs) to Brandon Stokley (8-153, TD, 11 targets). With the win, coach j now controls his own destiny. They are in with a win and still in a pretty good scenario if they lose. Credit to coach j pulling it together after a fairly rough start. Starts don't get much rougher than Coach Joy's, though. After dropping his first four, he went on to win six of his last nine and is still mathematically eligibile for a playoff spot. This week's loss was more than coach Joy could bear despite good gamees from Trent Green (23-35-340 passing, 3 TD, 1 INT, 4-5 rushing) and Marvin Harrison (4-106, TD, 9 targets). The superior bench performances from Eddie Kennision and Kevin Jones, however, may haunt him the entire off-season. "Herr James Smith, Herr Deuce... WIE KANN ICH NICHT SIE SPIELEN?!?!?!?!?!?" Coach joy was foricbly removed, and an emergency phone call was made to a medium to channel Sigmund Freud's spirit... who was last seen behind a curtain in Amsterdam's red light district.

Silver Hammers 116.22
The Mendoza Line 82.64
When the going get though, the ones-who-started-really-tough-but-then-fell-apart decide to become really tough again. One team here was going to end their five-game losing streak, and coach Max decided he would be the one. This exemplified the concept of team effort: every starter scored at least 12 fantasy points with the team leaders being Nick Goings, the New England defense, and David Akers. The bench also showed their stuff through solid games from Chad Pennington (20-27-155, 2 TD, 1 INT, 2-16 rushing) and Hines Ward (4-80 receiving on 4 targets, 1 TD, 1-0 rushing). With this type of performance, a playoff bid is almost inevitable for Coach Max (jinx). We'll see what happens next week. As for coach jericho, it's been a hard road. Showing some signs of life early on and outscoring half of the league, the Mendoza line appeared to run out of gas during their six-game losing streak. Granted they would have beaten half of the teams this week thanks to Torry Holt (10-160, 1 TD receiving on 12 targets) and Aaron Brooks (20-40-251, 3 TD, 2 INT), but the scheduling powers-that-be have not been kind. However, he could still mess up Team Pinoy's chances at the top playoff spot. We'll see how next week looks.

League 2
The Round Table 140.76
TheCrazy88 57.14
With a playoff spot locked, there was no need for coach Sketch to bring the pain. He did anyway. "It's what we do," remarked coach Sketch, "looking at the standings now, there's a pretty big dropoff now between three and four. Locking first place helps us out when the playoffs start. Besides, TJ had an off-game, and it's good to get those out of our system now rather than later." Jones seemed to be the only off-game as team captain Edgerrin James (18-105, 2 TDs, 4-31 receiving, 4 targets) had a tremendous game. Quaterback Donovan McNabb Donovan McNabb (32-43-464, 5 TD, 0 INT) also excelled. With the win, they have locked first place up and will see what they can do to only play coach robotboy once over the next two weeks. While there is technically one game left, it appears the season is over for coach Heartcooksbrain. A great game from Joe Horn and fair QB play from Joey Harrington (15-27-196, 1 TD, 1 INT, 6-19 rushing) kept the score somewhat respectable. Antonio Gates disappointed, and the tight end seems to be a general barometer of the team's performances week-in and week-out. Young QB play seems to be on the up given Ben Roethlisberger (14-17-221, 2 TD, 3-40 rushing) on the bench, however. If this were a keeper league, things may have bode really well for the future. Given it's a redraft league, they still might.

timmyjoe42er's 57.96
The Keppersofts v2.0 87.34
Sometimes, it just isn't meant to be. Coach Tim has been in the thick of the playoff race for most of the season, but unfortunately it fell apart for him this week as he lost his fourth straight game. Daunte Culpepper (23-33-279, 2 TD, 3 INT, 6-50 rushing) had a good but unspectactular game. While starting Mike Vanderjagt and Eddie Kennison (8-149 receiving on 12 targets, 1 TD) would have put him within striking distance, it wouldn't have been enough with his roster. Jamal Lewis' injury and legal trouble have had their impact on this team, not to mentione a few coaching mishaps at the QB position. "Yeah, the GM fired me. I don't even know why I'm hanging around here next week. Something to do, I guess... at least I can steal some office supplies." Coach Tim always seems to find that silver lining. Meanwhile, coach Bateman seems to be doing a good job of finding one. "If I can't get it, nobody else I'm playing will either. Take that!" The message was loud and clear. Buffalo's defense led the way to a secure team victory despite Curtis Martin (23-134, 1 TD rushing, 4-20, 1 TD receiving on 4 targets) excelling from the bench. Michael Pittman (Michael Pittman (17-68 rushing, 1 TD, 2-12 receiving on 2 targets) managed a decent enough performance in his start, however. Unfortunately, the fun is over as they close the season out against the thorax. Perhaps spoiling one team is enough.


thorax embalmers 77.34
The Yoko Ono's 80.08
Coach lockstock needed this game in order to keep his playoffs hopes alive, and he just got it. This was a close one going into Monday night, thanks to the work of Darrell Jackson (9-113, 1 TD receiving on 12 targets). He so excited about Seattle's offense that he got Matt Hasselbeck (28-40-414 3 TD passing, 2 pt pass, 3-16 rushing) back on board for the rest of the season. He's got a tough road ahead of him, but he has the advantage of being in more control of his destiny than most. By beating the Vicars next week, that takes out one obstacle. He'll need a Sack loss also in order to clinch it without a point tie-breaker. "Yeah, trusting Sketch is usually a bad idea, but I need to do my part too. We'll see what happens." Having failed his attempt to ruin someone else's playoff hopes, coach jagged can rest in the satisfaction of having a decent game thanks to Shaun Alexander (21-83 2 TD rushing, 3-21 receiving on 6 targets) and Chad Johnson (10-161, 2 TD receiving on 12 targets). With next week's game, he can make sure that the League 2 cellar isn't such a lonely place. "Yeah, Bateman's a nice guy, so why not have some company down here?"

Phat Ass Nutsack 57.58
POstMershian Invader 88.60
League 2's game of the week didn't live up to its billing. What it turned out to be was a dreadful day for coach robotboy. Marc Bulger's injury meant that Byron Leftwich (16-27-268, 1 TD, 1-4 rushing) had to produce from the bench. No one would have guessed that Nick Goings (36-122 rushing, 1 TD, 6-46 receiving on 6 targets) would have outperformed both Willis McGahee and Fred Taylor. "Yeah, we sucked today. Even if I did make some of those calls, I'm not sure it would have been enough. This was a really tough loss. Yeah, we're still in it, but we have to play Sketch next week... FUCK!" Best of luck to coach robotboy has he coordinates his gameplan. Meanwhile, coach Postmersh clinched a playoff spot with the win and looks to play coach OPA in the first round. Credit to the coach for some decent coaching calls this week with Kevin Jones (26-196, 1 TD rushing, 4-22 receiving on 5 targets) and Eric Moulds (1 for -1 rushing, 5-68 receiving 1 TD on 7 targets). When asked about playing the Nads two weeks in a row, his response was pretty self-assured: "My mom said I would go blind if I did that too often. I played the Sack this week, though, and everything seems to be fine."

McNabb's Nads 111.10
The Unbaited Vicars 118.40
This game was jokingly being referred to as "the Hipinion Bowl" by the press as the week went on. Hype notwithstanding, the Nads came to a very unfriendly Abbey: the predominately-evangelical fanbase threw out homophobic chants and displayed signs with not-so-witty poems as "God wills you to lose today. Why? Because YOU'RE GAY!" Perhaps the Vicars' win was not divine providence as much as having more Philadelphia Eagles on their team. While Brian Westbrook (12-37 rushing, 11-156 receiving on 12 targets, 3 receiving TDs) was the most productive player on the field for coach OPA, Terrell Owens (8-161 receiving, 1 TD, on 11 targets, 1-(-8) rushing) and David Akers (5-5 XP, 4-4 FG) more than compensated. The Vicars are now in the best seat for the fourth playoff spot by playing the Yoko Onos next week and outscoring the Sack. "Yeah, we seem to be in a good spot right for next week. It was a good game, despite the idiocy of some of our fans. They're in the playoffs yet, and we're not. We have no right to talk trash... yet... Besides, as long as Yoko severed her ties with the Maharishi, they should be a lot calmer next week." Meanwhile, coach OPA does look to be in a good spot for the playoff preview against Postmersh and the subsequent game. Both Westbrook and Corey Dillon (18-100, 2 TD rushing, 1 fumble lost, 0-0 receiving on 1 target) performed from the RB slot, and the Nads seems to have caught on stride. What will the next two weeks hold? Stay tuned.


Week 13 All-Stars
QB: Donovan McNabb
RB: Julius Jones, Brian Westbrok
WR: Drew Bennett, Chad Johnson, Joe Horn
K: John Kasay
DEF: Buffalo

Season All-Stars
QB: Peyton Manning
RB: Shaun Alexander, Tiki Barber
WR: Terrel Owens, Javon Walker, Marvin Harrison
K: Adam Vinatieri
DEF: Baltimore

My team finally showed up this week!

I pulled one out of my ass, but I should be good to go from here on out.

Commentary bump

Your jinx is powerless to defeat me.

What's funny about my team and fantasy football in general for this year is that i seem to be in the top 3 of points scored against. I've been manhandled in every league despite having some decent teams.

In my main money league i've had the second highest score for the week three times and lost. Talk about bad luck.

Yeah, that happened to me in my money league back in '01. You definitely get the hard luck award this year.

I love you sketch.
Exactly how much time do you spend doing this?

You are too kind, Tim. Commentaries take me a few hours total but it's normally at the office when there isn't much to do... hasn't been the case the past few weeks. I'm glad you guys enjoy them.