For this special occasion I've reached back to the rating scale I used for Konstantimix01, which may have been the first mix review I ever posted on the old CMJ site.
The billy_radcliffe rating scale:
5 STARS - Not only do I love it, but the world should love it. Those who disagree shall be first against the wall.
4 CINDY CRAWFORDS - A classic. Absolute perfection… um, wait a second, is that a facking mole on her face?
3 TESTICLES - Mostly unnecessary, but still quite the conversation piece.
2 DOGS FUCKING - I should spray the randy buggers with the hose, but just. can't. look. away.
1 BLACK SPLOTCH - It's just a small stain, but I'm gonna need an abrasive cleanser to return the lustre to that linoleum.
KONSTANTIMIX - Radcliffe Edition – 2005
1. nectarine no.9 – ‘I LOVE TOTAL DESTRUCTION’ from the album ‘i love total destruction’ beggars banquet 2004
"Awright, so I got this cool, twangy '60s geetar riff, and I'll play it while I read socio-political text during a mildly raucous kitchen party... and I'll figure out something for the chorus when the time comes." And, goddammit, dude figured it out.
4 CINDY CRAWFORDS
2. ivor cutler – ‘QUESTIONAIRE’ from the album ‘a flat man’ creation records 1998
The brilliance, the glory, the outright genius of this track cannot be understated. There's good crazy and there's bad crazy, and Mr. Cutler sits at the outermost excellent edge of the good. I've already pirated this song for a bunch of Xmas mixes (sent out locally, natch, so as not to infringe upon Konstantinl's finder's rights).
5 STARS
3. boggs – ‘LOW LIGHT HOUR’ from the album ‘rough trade – counter culture 2003’ rough trade 2004
I've got
We Are The Boggs We Are. I like that title and the way they niftily lifted the cover art from the first Small Faces album with Rod Stewart in tow. And when the Boggs are on, they come close to that rustic mixture of whimsy and gravitas the Faces mined on tracks like "Ooh La La" (as well as everything Ronnie Lane ever touched), but when the Boggs aren't on they're off. Very off. And here they sound like a talentless gang of meth-heads trying to wreck a dorm party - but it's the Boggs so I can't muster up any real hate for it. A quandary, indeed.
2 DOGS FUCKING
4. laura cantrell – ‘WHAT YOU SAID’ from the album ‘humming by the flowered vine’ matador 2005
I once read a review of a Nanci Griffith album that referred to her voice as being "as clear as a bell". I never quite understood why a bell should be considered particularly clear, but Laura Cantrell possesses that same immaculate tone as Nanci Griffith. So, bell-like, I suppose. Bellish maybe. But not embellish - 'cuz there's nothin' fancy going on here. Just the honest goods, which has gotta be good because, like, goods are good.
5 STARS
5. tappa zukie – ‘RUSH I SOME DUB’ from the album ‘tappa zukie in dub’ blood and fire 1976
I'm no dub expert - I'm Canadian, fergodsake - and I can't even explain to
myself what I like about the form. And I certainly can't explain how something so obviously artificial (and such a product of studio tinkering) can sound so organic - nor, for that matter, how a bunch of stoners could figure out the perfect moment for some soulful organ to suddenly pop into their mix. It's a mystery to me. I'm a mystery fan.
4 CINDY CRAWFORDS
6. four tet – ‘SUN, DRUMS AND SOILS’ from the album ‘everything ecstatic’ domino 2005
How does something this percussive become head music? The opening groove almost wears out its welcome, but then the
Koyaanisqatsi keyboards jump aboard and this mofo starts an arc through inner space that only drops back to terra firma towards the 6th minute, when it sounds like an orchestra warming up amid a hippy drum circle. But landings usually incur some sorta bump. A pretty glorious flight, all in all.
4 CINDY CRAWFORDS
7. james kirk – ‘GET ON BOARD’ from the album ‘you can make it if you boogie’ marina 2003
Whatever you think about Orange Juice or guitar pop in general, you gotta give props to ex OJ guitarist James Kirk for getting 20 years into a career without leaning on a single
Star Trek pun. This song is exactly what I'd hope for - meaning reminiscent of Orange Juice, full of guitar jangle, a perfectly awkward croon, and lotsa melancholy soul.
5 STARS
8. edgar jones jones – ‘TENDERLY’ from the album ‘soothing music for stray cats’ 2005
Well yeh, you could throw some darts at the concept of a skinny white guy from the UK taking on the aural persona of Fats Domino and strutting through an artificial construct of pounding piano and a small sax army, but those darts are only gonna bounce off the hard veneer of talent. In this case, anyway.
5 STARS
9. sam dees – ‘LONELY FOR YOU BABY’ from the album ‘sad songs of the black south’ trikont 2004
I'm kinda ashamed to admit I don't know Sam Dees 'cuz this is the old style, raspy-voiced, horn-driven R&B that makes the world a better place. Its greatness is only amplified coming immediately after Edgar "Jones" Jones, because - even given EJJ's expert mimickry - this song still hits like the real thing. Awe. Some.
5 STARS
10. sluts of trust – ‘CONTINUING STRUGGLE BETWEEN…’ from the album ‘we are all sluts of trust’ chemikal underground 2004
I've always considered the Pixies' secret weapon their use of a propulsive combo of bass and drums as a platform for everything else. Consider tracks like "Tame" and "Gouge Away" as a reference. Once you get that monster groove going, you can put anything on top of it and the listener is going along for the ride. I can't prove it, but I think the Sluts Of Trust agree with me 100%. And even cooler, they agree with me in a Scottish brogue.
4 CINDY CRAWFORDS
11. the in crowd – ‘HIS MAJESTY IS COMING’ from the album ‘600% Dynamite’ soul jazz 2002
This is some sweet, blissful reggae with one foot placed in American soul music. A skanking Smokey Robinson sorta thing - and who's gonna argue with that?
5 STARS
12. the broken family band – ‘HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN’ from the album ‘welcome home, loser’ track & field, 2005
Jayzus. We just shifted landmass. Sounds a little like the acoustic guitar of Lennon's "Working Class Hero" at double speed, with some folk bros vocalizing simultaneously. Good lyrics too. Kinda fades among the company its keeping, though.
3 TESTICLES
13. two gallants – ‘YOU LOSIN’ OUT’ from the album ‘the throes’ 2004
Something about this reminds me of Cat Stevens, but Cat Stevens with a raggedy-ass, secular, punkish energy. Sure, you can call that Dylan if you want. Either way, I doubt these dudes are gonna be calling for the head of Salman Rushdie any time soon.
4 CINDY CRAWFORDS
14. mek obaam – ‘KNOWLEDGE I’LL KEEP’ from the album ‘you and I’ 2005
I can't explain it - but I love this song. It's the voice, or that laidback rockin' section, or both. Yeh, probably both. Mek Obaam, is it? At least that should be easy to Google.
5 STARS
15. eighties matchbox b-line disaster – ‘THE DANCING GIRLS’ from the album ‘royal society’ island 2004
Not as manic as previous '80s Matchbox B-Line Disaster that I've heard, but equally menacing. This reminds me of what "post-rock" sounded like back when it wasn't invented yet. I remember a shitty rock crit at the time tried to label it "gloom rock", but even his oldest auntie could've told him that wasn't gonna catch on. Anyway, gloom and menace. Some folks need an extra shot of that in their lives. Personally, I get enough of it on a daily basis.
3 TESTICLES
16. reverend a. w. nix – ‘BLACK DIAMOND EXPRESS TO HELL’ ‘rough trade – counter culture 2003’ rough trade 2004
Fire and brimstone preaching. I've always figured that religious conviction is evidence of insanity - and y'know that good crazy/bad crazy thing? Well, let's just say that Ivor Cutler is sitting on a different cloud than the good Reverend. Would I buy this reckid? Heck no. Am I glad it's on this mix? Hell yeh.
3 TESTICLES
17. al simmons – ‘OLD FOLKS’ BOOGIE’ from the album ‘gimme dat harp boy!’ black snake records 2002
I, of course, don't understand the lyrics. Maybe in a couple decades. But do I boogie to this? You bet. Me
and Edgar Jones.
5 STARS
18. sons and daughters – ‘DANCE ME IN’ from the album ‘the repulsion box’ domino 2005
Man, I like this woman's voice. Determined, strong, tough - reminds me of a less ambitious Patti Smith, only with the added advantage of being able to hit all the notes she aims at (although, in Patti's defence, I'm not sure if she was actually
aiming at any particular notes). I'm not a big fan of this song, but color me interested in the band.
3 TESTICLES
19. king creosote – ‘THE SOMEONE ELSE’ from the album ‘rocket d.i.y’ fence 2005
A gorgeous ballad. Softly plucked guitar, a distant accordion, an Emmylou-like background vocalist... yeh, you've heard it before. But these things live and die at the intersection of melody and mood. This one lives.
4 CINDY CRAWFORDS
20. the prats – ‘DISCO POPE’ from the album ‘pop’ rough trade 1980
The title of this had me really hoping for a smartarse classic, but I'm more than a little disappointed. It helps a little to find out that the singer was 14 years old, but only on an academic level. I prefer to think of this song as a bonus add-on to a near perfect mix rather than the official last song.
2 DOGS FUCKING
And there you have it. Great mix, Mr. K - I'm sure you're somewhat disappointed in how much I like it. Sorry about that. Must mean you're maturing.
And that Ivor Cutler track will never get tired.
Thanks!
