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Radcliffe
 Post subject: I gotta write this shit down before I forget...
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 5:55 am 
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So tonight I was at an acquaintance's Xmas party, and he took a bunch of us into his office to preview the documentary he's working on. And it's a doc on IKE TURNER. Dude was in on a recording session for some new album that's got Ike trying his hand at rap and house and a bunch of shit he's got no business attempting (except of course that he's Ike and he does whatever the fuck he wants). And there's footage of Ike leading this shit hot band through "Piece of My Heart", "Caledonia", and Alice Cooper's fromage classic "Only Women Bleed" (which, believe me, got an injection of more soul than that piece of shit song is worth).

Anyway, so we're standing in this basement office watching the rough cut, and Ike has got this 42 year old black chick singing for him, who's more Mick Jagger than Tina ever was (and, natch, more Tina than Mick) - and she's like the most soulful (and I know at this point "soulful" is a weak cliche, but I'm slightly wasted right now so bear with me) sangin' crack ho I've ever heard. Great voice. I mean, Great Voice. But CRACK. HO. She's all tits and lips and a blonde hooker wig and dark sunglasses hiding the (alleged) bruises, and while she belts out the chorus there's fucking 74 year old Ike Turner leaning into the mike and mumbling "only women bleed" over and over like he's in a trance. It's amazing footage, and I'm jealous as shit that this guy took it because, acqaintance or not, he's a bit of a knob, and this shit is seriously JAIL.

And there's this one woman watching who kept yapping "that singer isn't 42. I'm 50 and she looks older than me." And, yeh, maybe, except for that flabby old suburban ass you're pulling behind you like a 5th wheel. And, get this, she took that like an insult. Well, shit ended badly let's just say, with the goodladyRads "accidentally" lifting a gift bag of wine and soap. What's with the soap? Is that like a gift combo trend I've missed out on? And we just checked online and it's a $12 bottle of wine, so somebody's got some miser issues.

I forget why I thought this was interesting.
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Sketch
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 7:14 am 
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Did Ike mention 'the PMS'?
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DumpJack
 Post subject: Re: I gotta write this shit down before I forget...
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 10:03 am 
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Bah, Radcliffe! Wrote:
I forget why I thought this was interesting.


Let's see, we've got Ike, rap, "Only Women Bleed", crack ho > Mick/Tina and a giftbag lift.

That made my day and it's only 640am here.

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Elvis Fu
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 10:35 am 
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Wow.

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Yail Bloor
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 11:43 am 
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Elvis Fu Wrote:
Wow.


Wow.

This is footage that quite obviously can only be housed OUTSIDE of the United States.

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jsh
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 11:48 am 
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Yail Bloor Wrote:
Elvis Fu Wrote:
Wow.


Wow.

This is footage that quite obviously can only be housed OUTSIDE of the United States.


OMG, do they use the word "fuck"?
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Aural Fixation
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 12:08 pm 
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Crack ho + Ike = good story from Uncle Rads.
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Flying Rabbit
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 12:13 pm 
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Nice. Ike stories are always fun for the entire family.

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Diggity Dawg
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 12:46 pm 
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Au'Tannybaum Wrote:
Crack ho + Ike = good story from Uncle Rads.



Gather 'round the tree, kids...it's time to read "Radcliffe & The Red-Nosed Crack Ho".

Great story, but anytime I hear Ike's name mentioned I always think back to the old Letterman "Bookmobile" bit where one of the new additions was Ike's book "Woman's Been Thinkin' Too Much".
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Senator LooGAR
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 12:48 pm 
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Yail Bloor Wrote:
Elvis Fu Wrote:
Wow.


Wow.

This is footage that quite obviously can only be housed OUTSIDE of the United States.


YEah, that story made my year. NOICE Bonnie and Clyde action, as well, Uncle Monger.

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LooGAR (the straw that stirs the drink)

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Yail Bloor
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 12:57 pm 
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Shoulda stole their remote controls or unhooked the connecting cables on the stereo.

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beachy
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 1:41 pm 
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absolute christmas gold

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Cap'n Squirrgle
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 1:46 pm 
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...I'm starting to seriously miss having work christmas parties. I mean fuck. I got nothing.


BAG of wine? Oh god.

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d
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 1:46 pm 
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I love drunken posts. This one's a hall o' famer.
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Radcliffe
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 2:16 pm 
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Yail Bloor Wrote:
Shoulda stole their remote controls or unhooked the connecting cables on the stereo.

Ha. The goodladyRads has a tendency towards random petty theft when she's drinking - and she HAS stolen a remote before. She ended up taking it back the next day (along with the recycling bin she also "borrowed").
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south pacific
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 3:26 pm 
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Pretty funny.


I especially liked the soap n' wine theft combo.

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