i don't want none of this alicia keys nonsense.

Huh?

Are you watching Regis and Kelly?

The only acceptable scenario for watching this is if you are off today, went out and got horribly drunk last night, and are laying on the couch eating hashbrowns right now while dipping them into the large glob of ketchup on your chest and it "happened" to be on.

regis ate her.
it wasn't intentional.
one day, he was just spewing one of his incessant strings of hyperbole and whaddya know, she just kind of got sucked in by the backdraft.

i don't have hashbrowns but you're dead on with the rest.

i'm not feeling this rachel ray's voice. i thought that she was supposed to be this sex-crazed chef or something.