Hi sweetheart. I've been thinking a lot about you lately as well. I was going to PM this but I figured if it's out here maybe it could help someone else as well, (hoping it's helpful).

Grief is an extremely confusing process. This confusion is made all the worst because death is just not something that people talk about in our society. Most of us have no idea what to expect or even how to talk about it. Just know that nothing you feel now is "wrong"; there's piles of different emotions involved in it all---even sometimes including no emotion. It's just we're lead to believe that there's a blueprint for grief... one that flows smoothly like a made-for-tv-movie but it's just not the case.

When I lost my Dad I was in grade 5. I don't think I actually started grieving until I was in grade 9. I went into an incredibly dark space. At the time I thought my whole personality had changed and that I'd never go back to being a silly joyful person. But when the time came I suddenly burst out of it and once again had extremely happy times in my life and was able to be light about life again.

Grief is a weird journey. It comes and goes and will do so for the rest of your life. Once you've entered into it it can feel like you've entered a very very dark tunnel---one that never ends. The one and only other thing that I want to tell you is that you will reach the end of it. The first part will probably be hard, but it will get easier. You will one day feel like yourself again. You'll be different, that is for certain, but you'll still be the sweet, wonderful person you always were. It will come and go, but there will be many sunny patches for you again in the future.

Love,

Alex


edit: figured I'd qualify all of this with the personal part of it

I love you, Polly. *big hug*

right back attach

Hang in there. Heres wishing you all the best

One of the things I've noticed about the way I -- and others -- handle death, is that "inappropriate thoughts" are quite normal. It's almost like the subconscious says to itself, what would be the most inappropriate thought to have, oh yeah, that, and you start thinking it.

In my case, it was humour. I would crack jokes to myself at funerals -- terribly inappropriate to get all giggly and manic.

Since then, I've decided I don't do funerals whenever possible. I just don't handle death well.

So, I guess my point is, you're not alone.

Much Love, T. I'll be there for you as much as I can.

Hey, Tania.