Now it's 1 PM.

Should I -

A. Go in to work finally.

B. Work a little from home, but basically do nothing.

C. Fuck it all and read.

D. Light a Homeless Person on Fire

B. is what I'd be doing if I were working from home today.

We have so much kindling here, it's insane. Tons of homeless kids hang out on the main road near my apartment. 'Ave rats.'

E. Re-enact that boombox scene from Say Anything with your girlfriend, thereby gaining points redeemable in the bedroom tomorrow night.

cause right now you're not going to get any tomorrow night because you forgot the holiday, correct?

F. Both D and E.

Now we're getting somewhere. Light a homeless kid on fire on her doorstep while playing Gwar instead of Peter Gabriel. You won't have to wait til tomorrow to see how well you do on Valentine's Day.

This is the right track. If she were here, it'd be fine. I'd just go buy a bunch of crap today and wouldn't have admitted I forgot about it. But she's in Taiwan right now and won't be back in the states for a couple of months. Means that I would've had to remember this days ago to get something sent over. Bad, bad.

I think I'm just going to weather the storm... Any reparations will just look obligatory and hollow. Maybe I'll just really go gonzo for her birthday. you know, if we're still talking...

Gwar would be pretty awesome, but I was thinking more along the lines of We Didn't Start the Fire, which coupled with the flaming homeless kid, and a bottle of lighter fluid sticking out your ass pocket, that'd be pretty funny.

Or Wesley Willis' cover of Girls On Film. Maybe an original of his like Vultures Ate My Dead Ass Up.

DUDE, back date the sent day, and claim it was lost in the mail.

If you hadn't spilled the beans, you could have called a florist in Taiwan.

Now you'll just have to play In Your Eyes on a boombox. In Taiwan. Tomorrow. Better get a ticket and pack a duffelbag. Dalen can YSI you that track.

Even if it blows up, you'll be able to pick up an oriental massage in the orient.

It's a win - win situation, really.

Dammit. I'm going to consult you before I do anything more in the future. Ever. Anything.

This morning I should've been coy about the whole Valentine's deal and then put something together today. At least if she thought something was on the way I could've thrown the postal service under the bus.

You don't need to consult me, just keep in mind:
Admit Nothing
Deny Everything
POINT FINGERS

you'll be ok

You fucked yourself on this one buddy boy.

But you've learned a valuable lesson.

Find that scapegoat and ride it to freedom.

I love it when Obnerers help Obnerers.

(sniff)