Both league's top dogs hit a skid this week, sacrificing the total points lead in the process. It's safe to say that seven teams are within one game (and some help) of a playoff spot.
League 1
Knights Who Say Ni 69.72
Schadenfreude 118.26
This game was very reflective of where each team appears to be going. After possibly the worst start imaginable, coach Joy turned in one of the season's best performances. Trent Green, Marvin Harrison, Chris Brown, and Rod Smith each scored over 23 points for Schadenfreude. Jimmy Smith was the only starter to NOT score. What's even scarier is that Deuce McAllister and Lee Suggs were on their bye week. The skill positions were more than enough to annihilate a frustrated coach Sketch. The Knights are easily the streakiest team in the league, losing their last three after winning five straight. Barely holdling onto a playoff spot, coach Sketch expressed his frustration after the game, "What can I say? We flat out suck right now. Pittsburgh's D played great, but they can't lead this team. Edge and Warrick Dunn have to keep producing. Andre Johnson needs to be more consistent. McNair and Moss need to get HEALTHY, for God's sake. Yeah, (Ashley) Lelie thought he didn't deserve to be benched and showed it, but he needs to produce more often. I dunno. Hopefully, we can get it together. That German dude's looking pretty tough right now." Meanwhile, cheers of jubilation swept through Western Europe and litre glasses of lager were being chugged in coach Joy's honor: eins, zwei, s'guffa indeed!!!
El Nacho de Muerte 84.64
The Mendoza Line 78.64
This week was coach jericho's chance to break into the playoff picture, and unfortunately he didn't quite get it done. Ahman Green led the way with 2 touchdowns and 143 yards from scrimmage, but nobody else saw the endzone apart from Tom Brady's 2 TD passes. "It's hard when Torry (Holt) is on bye week, but the subs need to step up. Marcus (Robinson) didn't do that. I was pretty comfortable going into Monday night because I know what Chris (Chambers) is capable of. It's disappointing, but I can't just blame him. We're still in the thick of things, and if we hold on we just might be able to make it." Meanwhile, coach nacho is escatic about bringing his team within one game of playoff contention. Willis McGahee and Plaxico Burress excelled this week with two touchdowns each. And everyone else contributed just enough for the win. "Yeah, I was pretty much shitting my pants because I knew Jamal (Lewis) and Corey (Dillon) weren't playing this week, but it worked out. Willis came through in a big way, and he definitely deserves the game ball. I'm gonna go smack him on the ass again. Excuse me."
Fast-Paced Ruralites 112.48
Silver Hammers 96.96
This match was everything the hype expected it to be: the league's two best teams in an all-out war. The Silver Hammers had one of the week's best games, and Priest Holmes is once again largely responsible with three touchdowns and 245 yards from scrimmage. Despite the loss, Chad Pennington's three touchdowns Monday night helped the Hammers stay neck-and-neck in the total points race. "Yeah, we were good this week. Coach Husker was just even better. When your opponent is on, it's tough to counteract. More power to him. We'll see how he is in the playoffs." If this week is any indication, coach Husker will be just fine. Pick your poison: Mike Vick's 115 RUSHING yards and two passing TDs, Tiki Barber's 2 rushing TDs, or Reggie Wayne's two receving TDs. TO & LT also checked in with a touchdown a piece. "Yeah, benching Droughns and Kevin Jones seemed like the right things to do. What can I say? We played GREAT today, and I'm looking forward to more of it. Even Hammers wear down when you beat the shit out of them." Look for more farm-fed philosophy next week.
the andalusian dawgs 67.26
elephantstoners 94.08
In the words of coach j "Thank God for Peyton Manning and Shaun Alexander." With Peyton's 472 yards and 5 TDS along with Shaun's two touchdowns and 208 yards from scrimmage, they did enough to beat coach bitterbuffalo this week. It's a good thing, too; outside Jake Plummer, the rest of the team did very little. Normal mainstay Thomas Jones was the biggest disappointment with an injury early in the game. "Yeah, we got lucky, I guess. It worked out, and hey it's a two game winning streak. If Sketch continues to suck... which he might... and if we continue to not suck as much... which we might... hey, it just may work out." Meanwhile, the dawgs are an exercise in frustation again this week: there was very little to credit this week outside Keyshawn Johnson's two touchdowns. While Michael Clayton and Marshall Faulk were on bye, one has to wonder with this four-game losing streak is if its time to put this franchise to sleep.
Smokin' With Ricky 56.56
Team Pinoy 65.74
Speaking of frustation, what's happening in the Billz/Gibbs camp? McNabb, Taylor, and Portis all underperformed, and the two best performances (Tony Gonzalez and Rod Gardener) were on the bench. Yeah, the press admit that Keenan McCardell had a decent game and you have to start Darrell Jackson. "Dudes, this is tough stuff. I wish it was easy... but... then... like if it was easy... then I wouldn't have this job... and that's pretty cool," mumbled coach Billz in the postgame conference. Meanwhile, coach cthulu will take the "rather-be-lucky-than-good" win this week. Antonio Gates clocked in with two scores, and the Monday night comeback by (surprise) Curtis Martin sealed the win for Team Pinoy. "Yeah, it was pretty fugly this week. My running backs are seriously hurting, but we'll see how it pans out. I'm in the thick of things right now, so it should be OK going forward... maybe."
League 2
The Round Table 63.66
POstMershian Invader 119.60
In a game that mattered quite a bit, Coach Sketch dropped the ball in a big way. Donovan McNabb and Edgerring James underwhelmed the opposition, and Thomas Jones was hurt early. One has to wonder about his decision to start Chris Chambers over Rod Smith "Hey, Chris should be one of the top WRs in the league. Yeah, I know he has nothing around him, but you saw him play last week. He can do it. Besides, even if I played Rod, it would still have been a loss. What the hell do you guys know anyway?" Well, we do know that if he had played Rod Smith he'd have the total points lead, which is now in the hands of coach postmersh. Priest Holmes was the sparkplug this team needed to move into the upper echelon of League 2. He and Ahman Green gave them the week's best running attack. The Invader could have gotten another 11 points had Michael Vick played instead of Joey Harrington. Not only do they have the total points lead, they are within one game of the top spot, currently held by the Table. If Coach Sketch can't stop them, who can?
timmyjoe42er's 87.94
The Unbaited Vicars 86.36
Talk about hard luck: Coach Spade and the Vicars endure their second tough loss in a row. Trent Green did his part, but the running game of Portis and Davis disappointed, not to mention Rod Gardner's two touchdowns from the bench. Everything seemed to be back into place this week, but something is still out of sorts at the Abbey. "One this we must learn in this life is patience. Patience and understanding... Two things: patience, understanding, and forgiveness... Three things... amongst the things we must learn in this life... wait, can we start over?" Hey, when Coach Tim puts active players on the field, he doesn't fair too badly. Sure, Tiki Barber was the only great performance this week, but everyone contributed for the timmyjoe42er's, and it added up. "Winning rules. I wish I could do this more often. I need to remember to play Lewis when he gets off his suspension, though." Maybe you will, Coach Tim. Maybe you will.
thorax embalmers 84.26
McNabb's Nads 71.98
Given these teams total points, the press expected this game to be a lot closer than a 6-1 vs. 2-5 game would indicate. Coach jagged has competed in a few games this year, and this week he did what it took to win. "Well, I rented OPA's series 'Outscore Your Opponent' motivational cassettes that he was pitchin in the off-season. This affirmation shit really works!!" Coach jagged must have spent a lot of his visualtion exercises focusing on Shaun Alexander, because he was the key difference in this ball game. Meanwhile, coach OPA seemed to fall victim to a few misfires, he missed the late benching of Corey Dillon and started the wrong Colts wide receiver. Despite the setback, the Nads continue to share the league's best record and can go forward. "See, everything happens perfectly, whether you stupid reporters think it looks that way or not. I don't care what you think I really don't. We're still a playoff team even though we might have not played like it today, damnit! Screw you guys, I'm going home."
The Keppersofts v2.0 100.44
Phat Ass Nutsack 44.28
File Under: masturbating with chainmail. The Keepersoft totally ripped the Sack apart for their second win of the season. While Curtis Martin and Keyshawn Johnson contributed well, the big surprise here was Drew Brees 5 passing touchdowns. Not that any of them were necessary, but it's reassuring to coach Bateman that his only QB on the roster is able to perform like this. with Isaac Bruce on the bench, coach Bateman could see some goods things from his team if the knows who to play every week. If anything could go for coach robotboy this week, it did. "I can't fucking believe this," the Sack's coach said during a tense post-game interview "Bulger on bye, and Leftwich shits himself. They seem to be on the same biorhythm or something. Moss and Williams don't get squat. What the hell happened to Fred Taylor. I mean, my kicker scored almost as much as Rudi (Johnson). Pathetic. I really don't know what happens next. We've got a lot of work to do." Given his depth, expect the coach to comeback with a strong gameplan next week.
TheCrazy88 66.84
The Yoko Ono's 91.04
Most people overlooked this matchup between 3-4 teams, and what they missed was a solid performance from coach lockstock and company. Chris Brown led the way with 170 yards from scrimmage and a score, but most of the skill points contributed something. David Givens also had an impressive performance from the bench: 101 receiving yards and 2 touchdowns. "Yeah, it feels good, but we can't slack off," coach lockstock warned "We haven't even gotten 600 points yet, and that's not going to help us at all during the playoff hunt. We need to focus and keep performing. Getting better even. The top teams manage to score over 100 every once in a while. Hell, even Batemen did it. It's got to be a goal week-in, week-out to get where we want to go." Meanwhile, coach Heartcooksbrain may not know where he's going. Being only able to start one tight end makes the Gates/Gonzalez decision a tough one. In all fairness, his two best running back were on bye, so we may see a turn around. Still, it will take some work to get this team, fewest in total points, into playoff contention. Still, the clubhouse is optimistic: players were overheard mumbling a recent modern rock hit in their heads while wandering through the locker room "...and we'll all float on okay-yay, and we'll all. float. on. oh. kay."
Code:
League 1
1 Silver Hammers 6-2-0 .750 693.68 L-1
2 Fast-Paced Ruralites 5-3-0 .625 697.98 W-1
3 Team Pinoy 5-3-0 .625 625.38 W-1
4 Knights Who Say Ni 5-3-0 .625 537.68 L-3
5 elephantstoners 4-4-0 .500 659.78 W-2
6 The Mendoza Line 4-4-0 .500 612.12 L-1
7 El Nacho de Muerte 4-4-0 .500 593.88 W-1
8 Schadenfreude 3-5-0 .375 585.12 W-2
9 Smokin' With Ricky 2-6-0 .250 568.76 L-1
10 the andalusian dawgs 2-6-0 .250 499.00 L-4
League 2
1 The Round Table 6-2-0 .750 689.16 L-1
2 McNabb's Nads 6-2-0 .750 604.78 L-1
3 POstMershian Invader 5-3-0 .625 694.12 W-2
4 Phat Ass Nutsack 4-4-0 .500 633.96 L-1
5 timmyjoe42er's 4-4-0 .500 613.42 W-1
6 The Yoko Ono's 4-4-0 .500 589.02 W-1
7 The Unbaited Vicars 3-5-0 .375 641.84 L-2
8 thorax embalmers 3-5-0 .375 601.18 W-1
9 TheCrazy88 3-5-0 .375 572.92 L-1
10 The Keppersofts v2.0 2-6-0 .250 575.74 W-1
Week 8 All-Stars
QB: Peyton Manning
RB: Priest Holmes, Shaun Alexander
WR: Rod Smith, Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne
K: Josh Brown
D: Pittsburgh(L1), Detroit(L2)
Season All-Stars
QB: Daunte Culpepper
RB: Priest Holmes, Tiki Barber
WR: Randy Moss, Terrell Owens, Javon Walker
K: David Akers
D: Baltimore
