Last night, I went to Spaceland for Club NME Night -- The Young Knives were playing. It's usually tough to find a parking space if you arrive late, but I scored a nice spot right behind the club. As I walked around my car to the passenger side, I noticed that I had parked right next to the sewer. As I opened the passenger door, I started thinking, "Gee, I'd hate for anything to fall out of the truck and into the..." BAM! Out bounced a brand new bottle of prescription medicine, right into the fuckin' sewer!! NOOOOOOO!!!

If I had extremely arms, I could reach it. It was RIGHT THERE! Dammit, I could see it! Soooo close, yet out of reach. Off I went into the club, thinking there was nothing I could do.

After the show, I was wondering what I could use -- a big stick? A shovel? If I found a long branch, maybe I could stick a piece of gum and ...what if...nah, I'm screwed, I'm never gonna get it out. Seeing the parking valet, I half jokingly asked him if he had a shovel. I mean, C'MON, WHAT WOULD MCGYVER DO?! The valet looked at me as if I was completely whack, so I explained what happened. Do you wanna know what the fucker had?! One of those fuckin' claws, the kind disabled or short people use for items that are too high to reach. WHO THE HELL EVEN OWNS ONE OF THOSE? AND WHAT THE HELL IS A PARKING VALET DOING WITH ONE?! Who cares, it was exactly what I needed!! My meds were rescued!

I'm still laughing! A fuckin' claw...lord, never underestimate what a parking valet has at his disposal.




Btw, after re-reading the above, I'm having a feeling of reading one of the Scientologist testimonials that Rads loves to post. Oooh, Thetan level is next!!

I thought you were gonna say the valet had really long arms...lol
anyway, you got your meds back. Do you have to chase them down with something cus' I bet they taste like shit

It really did sound like one of those blurbs, excepting that you would have been the one making it happen.

And let this be a reminder that we need more of those testimonials. Some of us are hanging on by a thread.

I asked Rads why he hasn't updated us. Apparently, the mags are sittin' in the bathroom and he's too lazy to share with us. All the more reason why I had to resort to my own level of testimonials.

I'm working on my WHY PSYCHIATRY KILLS testimonial next.

i went to a string of shows for months last year where i didn't park more than a hundred feet from a venue. it was amazing.

how was the show t?

I've got on of those claws, and it totally rocks. I'm taking it back to work with me when I'm ready. It's got a magnet in the end of it, so you can pick up flat metal utensils that won't claw easily. It's one of the best inventions ever.

Show was pretty darn good, especially since the band had just flown in and hadn't slept in 24 hours. Kinda reminded me of The Futureheads.

A magnet? Wow, my mom could've used one of those.

I would have thought they would have been swiped by the time the show let out.

(My kids have those claws, but they are plastic.)

Nah, those cheap-assed plastic things won't pick up shit. You need the solid state version you get from a medical supply company.

You are talking "Terminator" technology, aren't you?

Cahm weeth me eef you wahnt to leev.