Trading Deadline is next Friday (November 19). All first-time-crap-offer-with-an-expected-rejection-so-we-can-work-toward-a-real-deal strategies will be laughed at. Thank you.
League 1
Knights Who Say Ni 90.38
Team Pinoy 63.96
With the pressure of a three-game losing streak upon them, the Knights' front office felt the need to make some changes. "Yeah, new blood can always help when you're feeling stagnant. We had two guys on bye this week and with (Randy) Moss' injury we had to do something," coach Sketch said. Well, the front office moves paid off and ultimately gave the Knights the win AND the league's highest score this week. Pickups Drew Brees (257 yards, 4 TDs) and Tyrone Wheatley (2 rushing TDs) led the way along with a solid performance from team leader Edgerrin James (179 yards from scrimmage). Meanwhile, coach cthulu had an unusually poor performance from his squad. Although Antonio Gates (56 yards, 3 receving TDs) did his best to pick up the slack, it wasn't enough. "I don't know what happened," said coach cthulu after the game, "I mean, yeah, Sketch has really sucked ass the past few weeks, and evidently Daunte (Culpepper) and Curtis (Martin) decided to take the day off. What the hell happened there? We can't play like this and make the playoffs, especially with a few teams as hot as they are right now."
El Nacho de Muerte 82.46
Schadenfreude 88.26
One of those hot teams is our friendly neighborhood German squad. Coach Joy rolls onto his third straight victory under the leadership of Trent Green (369 yards, 3 TDs). It was a tight game for a while, but Marvin Harrison's Monday night performance (81 yards) was enough to put them over the top. A credit to coach nacho for a decently-coached game. Kicker Adam Vinatieri (4 FGs, 2 PATs, 1 passing TD) certainly did his bit to help things. "Yeah, I though that play was pretty great. Those Deutsch-heads are really obsessed with formality, so I figure the trick play would work. I'm glad it did. Still would be better to have the win, though. A lot of tough calls this week, and some of them didn't work out." While nacho was excited about Jamal Lewis and Anquan Boldin making fresh appearance after their suspension and injuries (respectively), Corey Dillon and Koren Robinson provided better performances from the bench. Despite the setback, El Nacho is in the thick of things.
Fast-Paced Ruralites 87.00
The Mendoza Line 78.72
Two of the league's stronger running games met up in this clash, and in the end it came down to the leadership of all-Universe Tiki Barber (2 rushing TDs, 131 total yards). While there were solid performances from most of the skill positions as well, Tiki shined once again. This win puts the Ruralities on top of the league and the total points leader. Unfortunately for coach jehrico, the Mendoza Line's running game was deeper than anybody expected. With Ahman Green on bye, coach went with a three-WR setup around Dominick Davis (2 rushing TDs) while Michael Pittman (158 total yards, 3 rushing TDs) had the game of his career from the bench. 'Twas indeed a frustrating performance, emphasized by coach jericho's constant barrage of "fuck" that came through the headset. "Yeah, I've had my fair share of missed calls, but he stayed in the ballgame. Credit for that," said a humble coach Husker, "but I'll be damned if we had a hard time finding the stadium. We thought the Mendoza Line was that part of the state border just north of El Paso. Set us back a few hours on the bus, but I guess we did alright."
the andalusian dawgs 76.30
Silver Hammers 56.54
"On any given Sunday, any team can beat any other team." Whoever was the first person to say this, most of the peergroup probably thought "bullshit." Today is proof to the contrary. Number 10 beats the former number 1 after everyone (even their own coach) had written them off. If this was a college game, coach bitterbuffalo's boys would have been tearing down goalposts. What happened to Coach Max (outside a Duce Staley injury) is anybody's guess. Hines Ward (2 TDs) was really the only highlight here in their second consecutive loss. "No, we're not still bummed from last week's loss against huskerpunk," coach Max said reassuringly. "Yes, Priest Holmes and Chad Pennington disappointed, and we'll just have to regroup and see what happens next week. We're still in solid playoff contention, so we've got that going for us." Meanwhile, the dawgs are certainly enjoying their moment despite none of the skill position starters seeing the endzone this week. The Two Matts, Hasselbeck and Stover, led the way for a team who is now officially out of the cellar... if only for a week.
Smokin' With Ricky 65.06
elephantstoners 77.22
Who is the cellar dweller? Why it's none other than our friendly neighboorhood stoners in the Billz/Gibbs organization. While their fans may be upset, it appears the staff is enjoying some very kind weed as Coach Gibbs started Fred Taylor on his bye week. Not all was lost for GM Billz, though: Darrell Jackson (114 yards, 2 TD) and Clinton Portis (173 total yards, 1 passing TD) both excelled, and Tony Gonzales (123 yards, 1 TD) expressed his frustration at getting benched. Meanwhile, coach j has quietly established himself in the playoff race with a three-game winning streak. The elephantstoners brought some eye candy of their own in a Monday night comeback performance from Peyton Manning (268 yards, 4 TD). Shaun Alexander (160 yards, 2 TD) also continues to excel. With their acquisition of backup RB Anthony Thomas (110 yards, 2 TD) things are looking stellar for coach j, provided his receiving game and special teams show up sometime.
League 2
The Round Table 90.82
The Yoko Ono's 62.90
After a tough loss last week, Coach Sketch had a lot of people questioning whether he was beginning to fall apart. He went on to silence those critics with a dominant performance led by, of all people, Adam Vinatieri. The Round Table's running game of Edgerrin James and Tyrone Wheatley was also vital due to a sorely disappointing performance from Donovan McNabb (109 yards, 1 INT). With the win, Coach Sketch takes sole possession of first place along with the total points lead. While he may stumble from time to time, the Table is this league's team-to-beat. For coach lockstock, though, this week's game seemed to be an exercise in futility. Duce Staley's injury really hurt the Yoko Ono's this week along with lackluster performances from most of the skill positions. Despite all of his frustrations, coach lockstock did find the cloud's silver lining "Did any of you notice that Hasselbeck outscored McNabb? I mean, the trade's benefit showed up when it really counted huh? What do you say to that?" Coach Sketch pointed at the scoreboard and proceeded to strut toward the locker room.
timmyjoe42er's 95.96
POstMershian Invader 71.96
Despite a lackluster perforamce from Daunte Culpepper (193 total yards, 1 passing TD), coach Tim had an excellent game. With Jamal Lewis (95 total yards, 1 TD) off suspension and Duce Staley's injury, the '42ers look to be deep at RB with Jerome Bettis (149 yards) off the bench. Even Nate Keading (2 FG, 5 PATs) got into the scoring mix for Coach Tim, and every starting skill position saw the end zone. "My team is becoming more and more dominate (sic)," exlclaimed an optimistic coach Tim. If he continues to coach this consistenly, we should see him staying in the thick of the playoff race. "Don't count on it," coach Spade muttered during a late-night studio interview. Coach postmersh certainly had a difficult week for himself. Despite was appeared to be a misfire on the defensive side starting Detroit over Pittsburgh, we was pretty much stuck in a corner playing the only active people on his roster. Of those, Torry Holt (111 yards, 1 TD) was the only one to play well. "I guess that's what you get when you have a starting QB / RB / WR out in the same week, and Priest sits with a 'knee bruise'... I'm more than ready to say goodbye to the bye weeks..." Expect a strong postmershian performance as the regular season winds down.
thorax embalmers 70.30
The Unbaited Vicars 79.86
This just in: the Abbey's running game is BACK! Clinton Portis and Dominic Davis played the way coach Spade has expected of them all season, and Trent Green also had a solid game. While there wasn't much in the receving game with TO (53 yards) and Rod Gardener (-10 rushing yards): the Vicars' Holy Trinity provided the base for a win. "I'm back in the playoff race, and I'm playing last place next week... look out above," said Coach Spade in a Monday night conference. Meanwhile, coach jagged finds himself near the bottom of the standings. Their running game shows depth with Shaun Alexander and Reuben Droughns (120 yards) along with Kevan Barlow and Onterrio Smith (1 TD each) from the bench. The rest of the team doesn't seem to be performance. "Yeah, we've got to get an air attack going. If they stop the run, we can't just keep pushing and hope Phil (Dawson) chips in a long one like he did this week. We need to balance it out. Still all isn't lost, I've got time to regroup, and I'm outscoring OPA, so that's got to be good for something."
The Keppersofts v2.0 89.88
McNabb's Nads 56.22
The aforementioned Coach OPA's early season success seems to be waning. While relying heavily on Monday night performances, coach OPA overlooked the week's best receiving performance in Darrell Jackson and a solid game from Corey Dillon (131 total yards, 1 TD). While it's hard to fault benching Dillon due to his questionable status, coach OPA took full responsiblity for the current state of his team. "I've totally neglected my team the last two weeks. I need to get back to doing my research and putting the appropriate team on the field." Don't look now, but coach Batemen is on a two-game winning streak thanks to performances from Drew Brees, Hines Ward, and Matt Stover (4 FG, 1 PAT). While the Keepersofts certainly have their work cut out for them, their fans have to be encouraged the team can perform this well on Curtis Martin's off-weeks. Coach Bateman had very little to say at the post-game conference: "w00t!!!!"
TheCrazy88 81.42
Phat Ass Nutsack 72.80
As it turns out, coach postmersh wasn't the only one painted into a coaching corner this week: the Sack had Javon Walker, Byron Leftwich, and Fred Taylor on bye. With Stephen Davis' and Randy Moss' questionable statuses (stati?), coach robotboy was forced into making a tough call. "as far as I knew, Randy was questionable until finally declaring yesterday that he wasn't playing. at any rate yeah I should have planned ahead... fuckin bastids," said coach robotboy. Most of the starters (outside Moss and Roy williams) managed solid enough performances to keep the Sack in the playoff hunt. Expect more from coach robotboy has his roster fills out. Despite winning this week, coach Heartcooksbrain is still frustrated with his performance: "I can believe I benched tony gonzalez!" As it turned out, Antonio Gates had a better game, so benching Gonzalez was the right thing to do. Benching Santana Moss is another thing entirely however. While it didn't matter for this game, those extra twenty points could become very crucial in the playoff picture as the season continues. Still, with solid play from the rest of the squad (especially Baltimore's defense), the Crazy88 just may turn a few more heads before the season's up.
Code:
League 1
1 Fast-Paced Ruralites 6-3-0 .667 784.98 W-2
2 Silver Hammers 6-3-0 .667 750.22 L-2
3 Knights Who Say Ni 6-3-0 .667 628.06 W-1
4 elephantstoners 5-4-0 .556 737.00 W-3
5 Team Pinoy 5-4-0 .556 689.34 L-1
6 The Mendoza Line 4-5-0 .444 690.84 L-2
7 El Nacho de Muerte 4-5-0 .444 676.34 L-1
8 Schadenfreude 4-5-0 .444 673.38 W-3
9 the andalusian dawgs 3-6-0 .333 575.30 W-1
10 Smokin' With Ricky 2-7-0 .222 633.82 L-2
League 2
1 The Round Table 7-2-0 .778 779.98 W-1
2 McNabb's Nads 6-3-0 .667 661.00 L-2
3 POstMershian Invader 5-4-0 .556 766.08 L-1
4 timmyjoe42er's 5-4-0 .556 709.38 W-2
5 The Unbaited Vicars 4-5-0 .444 721.70 W-1
6 Phat Ass Nutsack 4-5-0 .444 706.76 L-2
7 TheCrazy88 4-5-0 .444 654.34 W-1
8 The Yoko Ono's 4-5-0 .444 651.92 L-1
9 thorax embalmers 3-6-0 .333 671.48 L-1
10 The Keppersofts v2.0 3-6-0 .333 665.62 W-2
Week 9 All-Stars
QB: Peyton Manning
RB: Shaun Alexander, Tiki Barber
WR: Darrell Jackson, Santana Moss, Torry Holt
K: Adam Vinatieri
DEF: Baltimore
Season All-Stars:
QB: Peyton Manning
RB: Priest Holmes, Tiki Barber
WR: Terrell Owens, Javon Walker, Marvin Harrison
K: Adam Vinatieri
DEF: Baltimore
