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Old Kentucky
 Post subject: so I hung out with Ike Turner last night...
PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 12:32 pm 
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A friend of mine is an attorney for Ike. So last night Ike comes to our monthly gathering of about 12 law students and attorneys and just riffs for a little bit over drinks at the W.

Some highlights:

1. Ike's mother apparently "didn't take no shit from nobody" and would give him a "hard-ass noogie" when he mouthed off [*demonstrates on coke can*]

2. Tina "don't know whether she got $1 or a million, and she don't care, long as she can buy clothes."

3. Most street bums are veterans who protected our country while people like US [*includes self*] were trying to destroy it [*gets very, almost uncomfortably emotional*]. But "I know this one guy in LA that beg three days a week out on the corner. He got two Mercedes, and his kids got nice clothes." [*gets uncomfortably angry*].

4. There is a woman that Ike has been dating for 6 years, who is, in Ike's opinion, crazy. "We break up every month. In 6 years, we ain't never made it through one month. Then she told me about the - whattaya call it - the PMS. I thought the PMS was the white man's disease! I don't know nuthin about the PMS! We went to a psych-doctor, and she tried to tell him I was the crazy one. But he gave me a test, with his little scorecard, and I scored as high as you can get. I'm tellin you I was off the charts, man. So I told that girl - I should've brought her with me - I told her that if she could get drugs from this man - drugs to stop the PMS, and stop it for good - that I would marry her for sure. So now CBS wants to do a reality show about that. They want it to be like: 'Will he marry her? - I don't know, let's watch.' So we might do that.

5. Ike's response to my proposal to head down to Tijuana post-gathering with me and some buddies: "Boy, I'm 74 years old. I don't need to go down to no Tee-ha-john-na."
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Kingfish
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 12:36 pm 
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Can't top that. You can die now.

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I tried to find somebody of that sort that I could like that nobody else did - because everybody would adopt his group, and his group would be _it_; someone weird like Captain Beefheart. It's no different now - people trying to outdo ! each other in extremes. There are people who like X, and there are people who say X are wimps; they like Black Flag.

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Radcliffe
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 12:36 pm 
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The PMS. Band name. Dibs.
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Cotton
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 12:38 pm 
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AWESOME.

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Sketch
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 12:40 pm 
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Donald Pleasance Wrote:
AWESOME.


I think I'm going to call it "the PMS" for the rest of my days.
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andyfest
 Post subject: Re: so I hung out with Ike Turner last night...
PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 12:42 pm 
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Old KillKiddies Wrote:
Then she told me about the - whattaya call it - the PMS. I thought the PMS was the white man's disease! I don't know nuthin about the PMS! We went to a psych-doctor, and she tried to tell him I was the crazy one. But he gave me a test, with his little scorecard, and I scored as high as you can get. I'm tellin you I was off the charts, man. So I told that girl - I should've brought her with me - I told her that if she could get drugs from this man - drugs to stop the PMS, and stop it for good - that I would marry her for sure.


This is possibly the funniest thing I've ever read.
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Senator LooGAR
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 12:45 pm 
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WOW. I hope you got your tetanus shots ;)

That is fucking tops.

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Throughout his life, from childhood until death, he was beset by severe swings of mood. His depressions frequently encouraged, and were exacerbated by, his various vices. His character mixed a superficial Enlightenment sensibility for reason and taste with a genuine and somewhat Romantic love of the sublime and a propensity for occasionally puerile whimsy.
harry Wrote:
I understand that you, of all people, know this crisis and, in your own way, are working to address it. You, the madras-pantsed julip-sipping Southern cracker and me, the oldman hippie California fruit cake are brothers in the struggle to save our country.

FT Wrote:
LooGAR (the straw that stirs the drink)

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PopTodd
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 12:47 pm 
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Best story I have read on the boards.
Period.

Awesome.

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Paul Caporino of M.O.T.O. Wrote:
I've recently noticed that all the unfortunate events in the lives of blues singers all seem to rhyme... I think all these tragedies could be avoided with a good rhyming dictionary.

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Fryxell
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 1:00 pm 
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Great story.
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Dusty Chalk
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 1:05 pm 
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That reality show needs to happen.

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:-Peter, aka :-Dusty :-(halk

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juice
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 1:07 pm 
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So did you keep the noogied can?

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frosted Wrote:
But, Juice, since yr both batshit and guilty, I guess s'alright.

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mcaputo
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 1:08 pm 
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From the man that wrote the first rocknroll song.......whoa.
That one just about takes the cake.

A bitter Ike quoted many years ago talking about life after Tina...
"If I had me a longer neck, I'd do my own self"

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DumpJack
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 1:08 pm 
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I feel better and richer for having read that.

You sir, are the king of kings.

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Modem
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 1:13 pm 
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waitaminute.... you couldn't have hung out with Ike Turner last night.

I was hanging out with Ike Turner last night.

Image

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Red House Vincent
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 1:47 pm 
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mark decapitate Wrote:
That one just about takes the cake.


Motherfucker you beat me to it

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timmyjoe42
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 1:51 pm 
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Awesome!
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Cap'n Squirrgle
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 3:12 pm 
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Holy shit, B! You hung out with IKE? Jeebus H, that is unbelievable.

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[quote="Bloor"]He's either done too much and should stay out of the economy, done too little because unemployment isn't 0%, is a dumb ingrate who wasn't ready for the job or a brilliant mastermind who has taken over all aspects of our lives and is transforming us into a Stalinist style penal economy where Christian Whites are fed into meat grinders. Very confusing[/quote]

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Stop Breathin'
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 4:36 pm 
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Go Platinum
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Our backup fullback is Ike Turner.

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because you're empty, and I'm empty

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I'd probably just drink myself to death. More so, I mean.


"Hey Judas. I know you've made a grave mistake.
Hey Peter. You've been pretty sweet since Easter break."

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Yail Bloor
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 4:40 pm 
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We're not worthy.

That's awesome.

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Twilightkid
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 4:46 pm 
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Dusty Bones Wrote:
That reality show needs to happen.

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http://www.geminicrow.com

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MontyTheMongoose
 Post subject: Re: so I hung out with Ike Turner last night...
PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 5:03 pm 
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KILLFILED

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andybeast Wrote:
Old KillKiddies Wrote:
Then she told me about the - whattaya call it - the PMS. I thought the PMS was the white man's disease! I don't know nuthin about the PMS! We went to a psych-doctor, and she tried to tell him I was the crazy one. But he gave me a test, with his little scorecard, and I scored as high as you can get. I'm tellin you I was off the charts, man. So I told that girl - I should've brought her with me - I told her that if she could get drugs from this man - drugs to stop the PMS, and stop it for good - that I would marry her for sure.


This is possibly the funniest thing I've ever read.


Until that is KonstantinL ("Darrin") meets the lead singer of Arab Strap over drinks. I think the story that such would produce would top this Ike Turner bulla.

This story was great though.
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A Northern Soul
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 5:07 pm 
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he only holds the title of best post until konstantin decides to get drunk again.
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MontyTheMongoose
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 5:14 pm 
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KILLFILED

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Northern Soul Wrote:
he only holds the title of best post until konstantin decides to get drunk again.


Indubitably.
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beachy
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 5:18 pm 
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Asking him if he wants to head down to Tiaju-ana is seemlessly cool! You rule.

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no guru
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 5:23 pm 
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The show can be called "Why You Make Ike Do That, Girl?"
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