Radcliffe's Continuing Inquiry Into WHY MOVIES SUCK

Radcliffe · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 2:15 pm

Hey, here's a new series along the lines of the Scientology thread. I always get email notices of what film producers are looking for (from a variety of sources), and 9 out of 10 times they make my eyes roll back in their sockets and fill me with the urge to locate the nearest automatic weapon and go jarhead at the local Blockbuster. So I've decided to share my pain with the good people of Obner.

First installment:

Quote:

I am looking for a writer open to writing on spec for a rewrite on a dramedy
with a strong female lead in her late 50s. Think 'About Schmidt' meets 'Dog
Day Afternoon'.

Okay, not only does this fucko not want to pay the writer, but he wants the writer to get in the prone position and take it while further humiliating him/herself by somehow crossbreeding a quirky Alexander Payne character study with a tense crime drama. And y'know what? I'm ashamed to say I can actually see the idea getting done - and, oh yes, it will suck.

DumpJack · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 2:24 pm

Radcliffe Wrote:

Hey, here's a new series along the lines of the Scientology thread. I always get email notices of what film producers are looking for (from a variety of sources), and 9 out of 10 times they make my eyes roll back in their sockets and fill me with the urge to locate the nearest automatic weapon and go jarhead at the local Blockbuster. So I've decided to share my pain with the good people of Obner.

First installment:

Quote:

I am looking for a writer open to writing on spec for a rewrite on a dramedy
with a strong female lead in her late 50s. Think 'About Schmidt' meets 'Dog
Day Afternoon'.

Okay, not only does this fucko not want to pay the writer, but he wants the writer to get in the prone position and take it while further humiliating him/herself by somehow crossbreeding a quirky Alexander Payne character study with a tense crime drama. And y'know what? I'm ashamed to say I can actually see the idea getting done - and, oh yes, it will suck.

That might be the shittiest idea I've ever heard.

Yail Bloor · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 2:26 pm

My most common reaction to movie trailers: "Why?" Like I don't understand why they even bother to make 95% of the movie that they do.

People need to protest by NOT GOING TO SEE THEM.

This should be an interesting thread.

Radcliffe · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 2:29 pm

DumpJack Wrote:

That might be the shittiest idea I've ever heard.

No worries, there'll be many more...

Quote:

I am looking for a completed Sci-Fi creature-feature script. I am NOT
interested in scripts that take place in outer space or in the future. Scripts
MUST be Earthbound and contemporary. An example of a story line would be:
aliens come to present day earth and take over, young leading man saves the
day. Something similar to 'Signs' or 'War of the Worlds' without the special
FX and explosions.

You gotta love that detailed example of a story line: aliens come to earth and take over, and a young leading man saves the day. I kid you not, this is exactly the sort of thing that many producers think are ideas.

And please, no special FX or explosions in a film about ALIENS TAKING OVER THE WORLD.

Elvis Fu · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 2:29 pm

At least it's not a remake or adapation of a television show.

Elvis Fu · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 2:30 pm

Radcliffe Wrote:

And please, no special FX or explosions in a film about ALIENS TAKING OVER THE WORLD.

This is completely plausible if Loogar is doing the fundraising.

Aural Fixation · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 2:32 pm

Fuckin' hilarious!

bort · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 2:45 pm

Radcliffe, i have tons of good ideas for movies if you want to hear them

DumpJack · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 2:51 pm

Radcliffe Wrote:

DumpJack Wrote:

That might be the shittiest idea I've ever heard.

No worries, there'll be many more...

Quote:

I am looking for a completed Sci-Fi creature-feature script. I am NOT
interested in scripts that take place in outer space or in the future. Scripts
MUST be Earthbound and contemporary. An example of a story line would be:
aliens come to present day earth and take over, young leading man saves the
day. Something similar to 'Signs' or 'War of the Worlds' without the special
FX and explosions.

You gotta love that detailed example of a story line: aliens come to earth and take over, and a young leading man saves the day. I kid you not, this is exactly the sort of thing that many producers think are ideas.

And please, no special FX or explosions in a film about ALIENS TAKING OVER THE WORLD.

Please make this a weekly thread like your scientology info becauase those are the worst ideas I've ever heard. And where in Signs are there special FX?! A dude in a fucking alien suit? People pounding on doors?

HaqDiesel · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 3:53 pm

Radcliffe Wrote:

And please, no special FX or explosions in a film about ALIENS TAKING OVER THE WORLD.

You should submit the script for "Invasion of the Pod People." They'll eat it up.

ayah · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 12:03 pm **Posts:** 6402

i'm up for the role in that dramedy.

Radcliffe · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 4:00 pm

ayah Wrote:

i'm up for the role in that dramedy.

Oh I'm writing it right now with you in mind. Hope you're open to a couple risque love scenes with Milla Jovovich.

Dalen · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 4:02 pm

this could turn out to be one of the funniest threads ever.

ayah · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 12:03 pm **Posts:** 6402

Radcliffe Wrote:

ayah Wrote:

i'm up for the role in that dramedy.

Oh I'm writing it right now with you in mind.

ATTICA!!! ATTICA!!!

shiv · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 7:47 pm

movies rule. example:

Snakes On A Plane

A Northern Soul · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 12:23 pm **Posts:** 3742

and samuel l jackson is in it??? has he lost his mind?!?! i mean, being in a movie with eugene levy is one thing, but that sinks to a new low. maybe he needs to feed a crack habit, cause god damn, hes been in some shitty movies recently.

shiv · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 8:17 pm

I swear if that movie comes out and they change the name to Deadly Stowaway or some other stupid neutered name, I will kill someone.

Radcliffe · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 8:32 pm

"Snakes on a Plane" is just the working title so, yeh, it's gonna be called something dumb like Deadly Stowaway or Fatal Cargo or Flight Plan or etc.

Natural Mike · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 8:37 pm

Are there any good movies with Samuel L Jackson? I can name at least 7 or 8 bad ones. At least Eugene Levy was in a few Christopher Guest movies.

"Hiss Me Deadly" is my addition to the list of stupid potential titles for that snake movie.

shiv · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2005 8:44 pm

I can't think of a movie I've like Sam Jackson in since Unbreakable though this sounds really stupid enough to be good.

alongwaltz. · **Posted:** Sun Nov 06, 2005 3:30 am

I was waiting for a bus staring at the big listing of what's playing at the movie theatre at my mall.

-1 movie adapted from a TV show
-1 remake
-2 sequels
-1 adapted from a book

and 2 original movies.

And what are the big "blockbusters" coming out for the Christmas season?

Producers (remake)
King Kong (remake)
Chronicles of Narnia (adaptation)
Harry Potter (adaptation/sequel)
Memoirs of A Geisha (adaptation)

Is there nobody who writes movie scripts from their own ideas anymore?

Dunwoody Dude · **Joined:** Wed Nov 03, 2004 11:20 am **Posts:** 2869

shiv Wrote:

I can't think of a movie I've like Sam Jackson in since Unbreakable

Yeah, I liked that too, but I think that's in large part to being a comic book fan at one time.

Steve

Dusty Chalk · **Posted:** Sun Nov 06, 2005 5:49 am

drama + comedy == dramedy
comedy + drama == coma

Ironic? I think not...

bort Wrote:

Radcliffe, i have tons of good ideas for movies if you want to hear them

alongdrive Wrote:

Is there nobody who writes movie scripts from their own ideas anymore?

The good ideas don't get funded.

Lots more people need to see actual good movies like Serenity or Mirrormask in order for the good movies to actually continue to be made.

Corollary #1 -- People should reward the actual good movies by actually going to see them in the theaters (and buying them on DVD when they come out on DVD).

Finch Platte · **Posted:** Sun Nov 06, 2005 9:59 am

Radcliffe Wrote:

"Snakes on a Plane" is just the working title so, yeh, it's gonna be called something dumb like Deadly Stowaway or Fatal Cargo or Flight Plan or etc.

Hmmm. Fatal Cargo. Good band name?

bort · **Posted:** Sun Nov 06, 2005 11:51 am

sam jackson movies i like

loaded weapon 1
long kiss goodnight
pulp fiction

Radcliffe's Continuing Inquiry Into WHY MOVIES SUCK

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