say something good here, please

Chuck D · **Posted:** Fri Dec 02, 2005 8:57 pm

I'm feeling like shit. Dorkestra will be at the airport at midnight, but until then I need some good vibes / happy thoughts. post links, comments, jokes, unconditional positive regard - whatever. just help me pull through this funk for the next six hours.

thanks.

Evil Dr. K · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 11:51 am **Posts:** 6327

I'll keep out the way then.

Chuck D · **Posted:** Fri Dec 02, 2005 9:00 pm

KonstantinL Wrote:

I'll keep out the way then.

i smiled.

thanks, you damned depressive scot.

Evil Dr. K · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 11:51 am **Posts:** 6327

OK, joke.

A German cowboy goes into a car dealership and says "Audi".

Cotton · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 6:12 pm **Posts:** 17155

http://www.archive.org/download/dn2005- ... 1_64kb.mp3

download and skip to the Studs Terkel interview. That's the best I can come up with right now because I'm theoretically still working on a cardiac anesthesia book, but I promise it'll make you feel better.

I know this is tough, but things heal. if anything, looking at pictures of sevely malformed skulls and accident victims all day has given me a more positive outlook on things because it's the worst things get with them. I always end up with a picture of a relatively healed patient that yeah is a little worse for the wear, but walking and totaly aware of how precious their lives are. Look at it like that. You're gonna heal eventually and be a stronger person for it. The hardest part is not trying to rush into that mindset. Best of luck with it, It's never easy. If I think of anything else before checking out of here I'll post it. Keep your head up C.

Chuck D · **Posted:** Fri Dec 02, 2005 9:07 pm

downloading now - thanks, cotton.

darrin, maybe it's best that you do stay out of this thread . . .

Prince of Darkness · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 11:41 am **Posts:** 11048

From Lisa Lampanelli's site... if you haven't seen her standup, she's THE BEST. Better than any guy comic even. Her timing is vicious.

Quote:

QUESTION OF THE HOUR

Help Lisa!

Dear Lisa, I am a 45-year-old, 5'11", well-hung and well-educated black gentleman who has been married to my college sweetheart for 15 years. She is my age and is white. The problem is, she does not want to sleep with me anymore. We only do it on holidays, birthdays, and if I beg like crazy.

Because of this, I am seriously contemplating cheating on her if I can get it done on the sly tip. Although this is a hallmark of my race's culture, this is not very easy for me because I'm just a straight-up kinda guy that is high in management at work and gets high in my basement on the weekends. That's all I do except play piano and sing jazz standards.

However, the truth is that I get the nod from other white women all the time. So, finally, here is my question: should I go ahead and cheat and, if so, can you give me any pointers on how to get this done and not break up my home life?

Sammy

Dear Sam:

First of all, Sammy baby, you should NOT cheat on your wife. That is somthing I could never, in good conscience, condone.

My advice to you is to think about WHY your wife doesn't want to sleep with you. If you ask me, it's for one of three reasons:

A) You suck in bed. My guess is that you don't eat pussy (another hallmark of your race) and your wife doesn't get off. So moral issues aside, why cheat and disappoint more women?

B) She is just too tired -- which is probably because you don't get off your lazy ass to help around the house or with the kids. Therefore, in reality, you don't deserve to have sex, and cheating would be the straw. It will break the camel's back and you will lose half your shit and all of your dignity.

OR

C) Your wife just doesn't have much of a sex drive. Even if this is the case, you still shouldn't cheat on her. Hey, it's a tradeoff -- you don't get pussy, but she has to listen to you play jazz. Trust me, she's suffering more than you are.

Love and Kisses,

The Queen of Mean

Chuck D · **Posted:** Fri Dec 02, 2005 9:52 pm

qual

see you in a few hours

shiv · **Posted:** Fri Dec 02, 2005 9:53 pm

it's depressing how unfunny that was.

Chuck D · **Posted:** Fri Dec 02, 2005 9:55 pm

shiv Wrote:

it's depressing how unfunny that was.

more qual . . . and what's with giving me humor about cheating? that's f'ed up.

Cotton · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 6:12 pm **Posts:** 17155

damn phil just get on the damned plane!

the Studs thing probably wasn't that funny, but is't damned uplifting in the face of adversity, and I figured that'll help as much as anything.

greezy · **Posted:** Fri Dec 02, 2005 10:01 pm

if you haven't seen this shit yet, it's hilarious:

chuck norris facts

a sample:

Quote:

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck D · **Posted:** Fri Dec 02, 2005 10:01 pm

NankerPhelge Wrote:

damn phil just get on the damned plane!

the Studs thing probably wasn't that funny, but is't damned uplifting in the face of adversity, and I figured that'll help as much as anything.

listening to him right now. pretty awesome, thanks.

Prince of Darkness · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 11:41 am **Posts:** 11048

B8551ST Wrote:

shiv Wrote:

it's depressing how unfunny that was.

more qual . . . and what's with giving me humor about cheating? that's f'ed up.

woops. didn't think about that.

Chuck D · **Posted:** Fri Dec 02, 2005 10:04 pm

Dorkestra Teacher Wrote:

B8551ST Wrote:

shiv Wrote:

it's depressing how unfunny that was.

more qual . . . and what's with giving me humor about cheating? that's f'ed up.

woops. didn't think about that.

that's fine no cheating is involved here.

Cotton · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 6:12 pm **Posts:** 17155

mostly it was the "“La esperanza muere al ultimo.” part of things, along with the fact that he's fucking 91 years old and getting heart surgery.

shiv · **Posted:** Fri Dec 02, 2005 10:06 pm

NankerPhelge Wrote:

damn phil just get on the damned plane!

the Studs thing probably wasn't that funny, but is't damned uplifting in the face of adversity, and I figured that'll help as much as anything.

i meant that dear lisa cheating thing.

Chuck D · **Posted:** Fri Dec 02, 2005 10:07 pm

NankerPhelge Wrote:

mostly it was the "“La esperanza muere al ultimo.” part of things, along with the fact that he's fucking 91 years old and getting heart surgery.

no shit. that's a tough, kind, old sonofabitch.

Cotton · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 6:12 pm **Posts:** 17155

shiv Wrote:

NankerPhelge Wrote:

damn phil just get on the damned plane!

the Studs thing probably wasn't that funny, but is't damned uplifting in the face of adversity, and I figured that'll help as much as anything.

i meant that dear lisa cheating thing.

yeah i was tryin to figure that out too. poor sam.

tehobner · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 8:48 pm **Posts:** 4479

The Vin Diesel facts are better

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Vin Diesel.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.

Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.

Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.

Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

To attain inner peace, Vin Diesel eats Buddhists.

On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Chuck D · **Posted:** Fri Dec 02, 2005 10:16 pm

druucifer Wrote:

if you haven't seen this shit yet, it's hilarious:

chuck norris facts

a sample:

Quote:

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

darrin's joke was better . . .

Chuck D · **Posted:** Fri Dec 02, 2005 10:17 pm

those are better.

KOCF Wrote:

The Vin Diesel facts are better

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Vin Diesel.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.

Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a
girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.

Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.

Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

To attain inner peace, Vin Diesel eats Buddhists.

On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

shiv · **Posted:** Fri Dec 02, 2005 10:20 pm

According to XXX: State Of The Union, Vin Diesel was killed in Bora Bora.

greezy · **Posted:** Fri Dec 02, 2005 10:23 pm

B8551ST Wrote:

druucifer Wrote:

if you haven't seen this shit yet, it's hilarious:

chuck norris facts

a sample:

Quote:

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

darrin's joke was better . . .

B8551ST Wrote:

those are better.

damn dude, sorry i tried to cheer you up.

Chuck D · **Posted:** Fri Dec 02, 2005 10:28 pm

no, i appreciated it . . . just playing, just happy to have something to type about, man.

druucifer Wrote:

B8551ST Wrote:

druucifer Wrote:

if you haven't seen this shit yet, it's hilarious:

chuck norris facts

a sample:

Quote:

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

darrin's joke was better . . .

B8551ST Wrote:

those are better.

damn dude, sorry i tried to cheer you up.

say something good here, please

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