i do.

i'm always kinda late at sending them. but they get out before christmas.

i am, like, addicted to finding the best (in my opinion) christmas cards. with the perfect message. and picture. and i always like them to be kinda dreamy-looking. and somewhere in the image...i like there to be a star. (because i like stars.)

it's getting ridiculous though. i just bought 2 more packages of cards over the weekend. i simply couldn't not NOT buy them.

all in all, i'm sending out 7 different cards this year.

jesus.

will you send mine out for me?

i'll pay.

my staff is really letting me down lately.

god, that would be a dream job.
combing the card stores, stationary shops for the perfect cards.

if you can beat my current salary....consider it done.
i'll also take care of all of your gift purchasing and flower sending.

Nope.

i did for a while.

then i wound up keeping lists of who i sent to, but then didnt get one in return...

then getting one from somebody i didnt send to, then sending it priority to make it look like i always planned on sending them one...

it got way to difficult, so i stopped.

i wish i was that wealthy/important.

gimme five years;

ok. consider me your first applicant.

my friends know the only reason they get one is my wife

Before this year, no..but several of you who know me in real life will get a fine picture card from me and FEMGAR this year.

At least I didn't go out like one of our homeboys who has a pic with him/his lady/and they dog all wearing sombreros

um, no. i will probably take it up at some point, but the only people i'd send cards to are my family. and i usually see them over the holiday anyway, so it's unnecessary. most of my friends get text-messages, phone calls, or emails. and some don't even return those.

Dude, if it's a regular here you have to post that shit even if it means photoshopping out a Mrs.

No, its no one who posts here, but I figgered the crew would know who it is, AND DAT FUNNY, anyway.

Sonny Gunz?

Crackhead E-zel?

And yes, we do know people who have these names.

Scotty D dis, Scotty D dat... Scotty D ev'ry damned day.

Hey, c'mon- knock it off. I'm trying to read this at work!

Neither Scotty D nor his lady can read or write making it technically impossible for them to send out Christmas Cards.

They can make their mark, though.

ok. i've seen scotty d mentioned a bajilliontrillion times.

who is this fella?

I want to try to send cards this year...
but I seem to be incapable of buying cards--I'm the card-making type which in the end means that for x-mas I get intimidated by how much work that would be and just don't do anything. Silly, I know.

Going to try to come up with a quick card-making scheme this year.

oh lord.
i've thought of making cards.

but i haven't quite gone there yet.

i'd never get them done. i'm too much of a slacker.
hell, i don't even have my tree up yet.

i don't even know half of my friends' addresses. so, uhh, no.

my parents send out a holiday letter, though.

hell no. not a big fan of the holidays.

yes, i'm miss scrooge. sorry.

I write an annual "Christmas Embellishment Letter". It evolved from being a kid and having an uncle that sent out a "Boring Newsletter" every Christmas. We just write a letter that makes our lives sound really interesting, but we are up front about the truth-stretching, hence the title "Christmas Embellishment Letter." We also include a picture of our kids (sometimes the whole family).

I also include a Pop Culture Guide with my list of Top 10 movies and albums. This also includes my wife's and kids favorite pop culture items from the past year.

I know it sounds really boring, but we write it with so much sarcasm that "most" of my family members and friends really enjoy it. The only ones who don't really enjoy it are the family members who also write Christmas letters, but with no hint of sarcasm or irony and it comes out as outright bragging.

scotty d is a dude who was one of LooGAR's boys back in the day, a dude who fell into the category of what I called "the thugs"---basically kids who were younger than me who were more about rap than rock, more about a beat-down than a peace pipe, etc. But, despite being a crew (seriously) of convicted felons and beatdown artists, those guys were always supremely respectful to me and my home and Scotty D and I bafflingly became friends based on our love of pro football and old school rap (i have a record collection that will shame your ass).

He's not really anything special (unlike Uncle Brian--a dude we mention who is a real special person who would actually reside quite well here) but when you know people who have done things like beat people down with a set of expired Funk and Wagnall's encyclopedias and yet can quote Ronnie Lott's career stats while rapping every line from obscure Tupac B-sides--well that's a guy who needs mentioning

Normally no, but we bought cards this year and committed to do a heavy night of nog and cards this week. Maybe tonight?

I feel a little bit guilty each year as the mass of cards arrive as we do little to reciprocate.