this thread posted per request.

I was really bored one summer, when I was probably about 11 or so. At that time, my mom worked at a dentist's office which was literally across the street, so she would come home for lunch every day. Anyway, I'm not sure to this day what prompted me to do something this heinous, but I thought it would be really funny to smear copious amounts of ketchup all across my neck and sprawl out on the stairs as if I'd had my throat slashed.

Mom was not amused. Not. Amused.

Ashton Kutcher, I ain't.

harold?

Any other Not Amused Mom story.

When I was 16 I told my mum I was "going out"....and went to France for 6 weeks. Maybe that wouldn't have been so bad if I'd called from France or even sent a postcard....which I didn't.

Apparently she thought I was staying at a friends and then when I didn't show up two nights in a row she phoned my best friends mum and she told her "They're away to France, didn't you know?" Seemingly I was the only one that neglected to tell my parents.

She was not best pleased when I got back, I can tell you.

My parents would have hunted me down in France and would have dragged me back within 24 hours and probably beat the hell out of me.

The most vile thing I did without getting arrested or doing something gross, was probably the night my friend Chris and I told my younger brother we were leaving and to be sure and lock the door after us. He was like 10-12 and staying alone until my mom got back from church, which was only going to be like ten minutes. We circled the block and parked his car at the public pool across the street. Then we ran over to my house and began randomly knocking on windows and doors. As my mom pulled up to the garage , I was ringing the bell at our back door and assumed she had seen me. Before I actually left again, we knocked at the front door to tell her where we were going. My mom was frantic screaming who is it, who is it. When she opened the door, my brother was sobbing and holding a butcher knife. My mom sort of laughed it off, but my brother dropped the knife and started hitting me with all his might.

The most vile involving disgusting stuff was the time we gave this freshman wrestler a swirlie in a piss and shit filled stool. He got our team in trouble during the bus ride home from a meet and everyone was really pissed. He had to clean off the bus as part of his punishment after we got our asses chewed. Everyone who had to go to the bathroom after a long bus ride did so, and then everyone grabbed him and gave him a swirlie. It was almost as brutal as the time a kid on my 7th grade football team got tossed into a large patch of sand burs by some of our classmates.

Threw a buring hot hamburger into a white castle employee's face when I asked for no onions. I opened up the burger and said, what is this, its clearly an onion...she said "that ain't no onion, stupid"...she got a face full of burger and i flew.

Quoted for posterity.

When I was about six, I was playing with scissors and cut out a chunk of my hair in the back. Thought it was cool, totally forgot about it. A few days later, my mother noticed, I pled ignorance, and she called the teacher, who blamed this kid Jeffrey, who sat behind me and was known to cause a bit of trouble. I let him take the fall, and I think he got in trouble of some sort for "lying about it".

As an inheritor of the patriarchy, he deserved the punishment, and if not for the crime of which he was accused, then for general maleness.

You go, sister.

naw, that was an integrity failure. If I wanted to punish him for being a dude (not the case, for the record), I should have kicked him in the nuts.

Besides, would my mother have cared about the tidiness of the haircut of a six year old boy?

I think we are all aware of the vilest thing I have done.

Dog-sun-mother's tears.

That was an accident, though. Doesn't count.

whew.

Edit: I guess one thing I have done that's pretty bad.

My high school was really small, and we would go on this weeked camping trip at the beginning of the school year. My friend and I, my senior year, took this freshman that was playing Capture the Flag with us and tied him to a tree. His feet were slightly off the ground. We did not hit him or anything but pretended to. Well we told him we were going to leave him there all night and he started freaking out. My friend and I were laughing because we didn't quite grasp that we were actually traumatizing this kid. He was up there for about 30 minutes when we decided to go back and let him down. However, another student saw him and got the principal of our school. They were all present when we returned. We didn't get in any serious trouble. We just had to apologize to the kid. It was, in retrospect, a pretty mean thing to do.

The classical music scene is overrun with prissy fags who take hair care to fabio-inspired heights.

They are often camp counselors at summer music camps.

At one such music camp, a bunch of these assholes found out too late that their conditioner bottles were spiked with healthy amounts of nair.

They had it coming, they were mean as fuck.

Jill Varadi - 11th Grade.

Sometimes hormones will make you do desperate things.

calling a fat girl fat and making her cry

Oh that reminds me that when I was a freshman in HS, I told this girl her dress looked like a maternity dress and asked whether she was pregnant. She got knocked up a year later and had to withdraw from my (legalistic Christian) school.

One less thing for her to buy.

what sort of vile are we talking about? teenage ignorant vile? elementary school brat vile?


yes, I categorize my viles...

Having been a professional dominatrix, I've done plenty of vile things to the naughty boys (and some girls) of Chicago. Ball-kicking, spitting, pee-drinking, cutting, etc. I've made guys eat their own waste and ejaculate.

In my personal life, though, I'm a little less vile. I peed in someone's shampoo bottle a few months ago. She's such a c*nt that I should've put loose stools in there.

When I was 10, I yelled, "FATSO" at a pregnant woman from a moving car. I wish she was close enough to slap me because I feel worse for doing that than peeing in a shampoo bottle or peeing on some dumb guy.

wow, that is some pretty vile stuff

Why do I keep checking this thread to see if ayah posts in it?








As for me, I can't think of anything....yet.

I guess the truth is that my girl-friends in elementary school were so harsh and mean to me that since then I've always tried to not be mean to people, (cheesy but true).

[prior to said meanness I had pulled a chair out from under a fat kid as he was sitting down (in kindergarten)]

That said, I have be party to some nastiness...

I watched while a fellow waitress/good friend of mine spat into a customer's drink and then served it to her. (The customer had been extraordinarily mean and condescending)

The same friend and I also "accidently" put our boss' (a total b*tch) Alanis CD in the pannini griller. heh heh.

I tried to plant a swarm of locusts in my rommate who got me evicted's jeep. They never hatched though. I am not making this up.

I opted for ladybugs instead, but in the end they lacked that biblical element of wrath.

most of my vile stiff was deserved, so it's not like I have guilt trips.