Masters of their domain?

gauchebag · **Posted:** Sat May 13, 2006 8:24 am

http://www.christianforums.com/t2382190-accountability-thread-for-porn%20-masturbation-whatever-2.html

got emailed this link. absolutely hilarious.

they talk about this shit like i talk about heroin :

Quote:

"Not many of you know but I struggle as do many. My problem is that I am in a relaps. I was clean for over 2 months and then I messed up one night and it's started all over again. It took a long time for me to reach that point the first time and I try and try but still mess up. I've taken every precation I can think of but the problem is that I mess up in the shower. And I must shower cause I refuse to stink. I really need prayer and help w/ this cause I will unintenionally become aroused when washing off and then all of a sudden I will fall. Like just now, I was falling and then I stopped, thought of a Bible Verse and then went back to it. I mean I really hesitated after thinking of the verse, but it wasn't enough. I'm so assamed cause I KNEW what I was doing and continude EVER THOUGH the Lord gave me an out! I am such an idoit and I really can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I just hate the fact that I feel bad after falling but I still go ahead and do it again."

jewels santana · **Joined:** Thu Nov 04, 2004 2:36 pm **Posts:** 10198

sometimes i feel bad that i laugh at christianity, but then i read stuff like this.

shiv · **Posted:** Sat May 13, 2006 11:30 am

hahahahahahahaha

Hegel · **Posted:** Sat May 13, 2006 11:42 am

SWEET! It has been a while since we have had a make fun of Christians thread.

I am stoked, bros! :rawk:

Senator LooGAR · **Posted:** Sat May 13, 2006 11:43 am

jewels santana Wrote:

sometimes i feel bad that i laugh at christianity, but then i read stuff like this.

awesome.

jewels santana · **Joined:** Thu Nov 04, 2004 2:36 pm **Posts:** 10198

Hegel-Oh's Wrote:

SWEET! It has been a while since we have had a make fun of Christians thread.

I am stoked, bros! :rawk:

it hasn't been that long.

DHRjericho · **Posted:** Sat May 13, 2006 11:47 am

I think i'd lose my woodrow if a bible verse (if i knew any) popped into my head at that moment.

Hegel · **Posted:** Sat May 13, 2006 11:48 am

haha. I know, Mr. Santana. I know.

maybe Shiv is right. Sarcasm doesn't work over the internet.

Or maybe you're being sarcastic and I am not getting it. You know us idiotic Christians...

no guru · **Posted:** Sat May 13, 2006 11:49 am

I didn't read the link, but historically the reason masturbation is frowned on by fudamentalists is that it's "infidelity in intent."

Nonsense, but that's the argument. You're supposed to not enage in sexual thought about anyone other than your spouse, and, even if the masturbation is about your spouse, you're betraying her by objectifying her without her consent or involvement.

So, there's reasons why they believe this way. A shame, because jerking off serves as a steam valve for many people.

jewels santana · **Joined:** Thu Nov 04, 2004 2:36 pm **Posts:** 10198

Hegel-Oh's Wrote:

haha. I know, Mr. Santana. I know.

maybe Shiv is right. Sarcasm doesn't work over the internet.

Or maybe you're being sarcastic and I am not getting it. You know us idiotic Christians...

as they say on the simpsons, i don't even know anymore.

gauchebag · **Posted:** Sat May 13, 2006 2:42 pm

Quote:

"I know how you feel, and the problem is that in the shower you have to clean your penis, so it's tempting. You could print out a pic of Jesus from the internet, laminate it and stick it on the shower wall, and just focus on it for all of your shower; it works for some people!"

jewels santana · **Joined:** Thu Nov 04, 2004 2:36 pm **Posts:** 10198

gauchebag Wrote:

Quote:

"I know how you feel, and the problem is that in the shower you have to clean your penis, so it's tempting. You could print out a pic of Jesus from the internet, laminate it and stick it on the shower wall, and just focus on it for all of your shower; it works for some people!"

dude.
this just seems really wrong.

man.

h'o, can we have permission to laugh at THIS christian?

DumpJack · **Posted:** Sat May 13, 2006 2:48 pm

Do not mock them too severely, they will be soon dead.

jewels santana · **Joined:** Thu Nov 04, 2004 2:36 pm **Posts:** 10198

DumpJack Wrote:

Do not mock them too severely, they will be soon dead.

it's says it "may" protect.
but i'm not taking any chances.

cemeterypolka · **Joined:** Wed Jul 13, 2005 12:40 am **Posts:** 3473

haha and the thread is 69 pages long.

the irony

Radcliffe · **Posted:** Sat May 13, 2006 3:02 pm

Quote:

"You could print out a pic of Jesus from the internet, laminate it and stick it on the shower wall, and just focus on it for all of your shower"

I just tried that with this pic:

and I came before the horse.

Radcliffe · **Posted:** Sat May 13, 2006 3:06 pm

[/thread]

toots · **Posted:** Sat May 13, 2006 4:25 pm

...an hour and a half of purity so far today.

Cotton · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 6:12 pm **Posts:** 17155

Quote:

I'm so assamed

he sure is.

no guru · **Posted:** Sat May 13, 2006 9:58 pm

Oh, Zephaniah, bring the butter churn to bed with you:

south pacific · **Posted:** Sat May 13, 2006 11:20 pm

Quote:

I am such an idoit

HideousLump · **Posted:** Sun May 14, 2006 2:55 am

DHRjericho Wrote:

I think i'd lose my woodrow if a bible verse (if i knew any) popped into my head at that moment.

"How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!
This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes.
I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples;
And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak.
I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me."

HaqDiesel · **Posted:** Sun May 14, 2006 3:01 am

HideousLump Wrote:

DHRjericho Wrote:

I think i'd lose my woodrow if a bible verse (if i knew any) popped into my head at that moment.

"How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!
This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes.
I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples;
And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak.
I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me."

Yeah, I'd imagine that would more or less take the sails from your wind, lump.

gauchebag · **Posted:** Sun May 14, 2006 7:48 am

HideousLump Wrote:

DHRjericho Wrote:

I think i'd lose my woodrow if a bible verse (if i knew any) popped into my head at that moment.

"How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!
This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes.
I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples;
And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak.
I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me."

where is that in the book? i know i've read it before and it's gotta be the best thing written in the bible ever.

no guru · **Posted:** Sun May 14, 2006 9:04 am

gauchebag Wrote:

HideousLump Wrote:

DHRjericho Wrote:

I think i'd lose my woodrow if a bible verse (if i knew any) popped into my head at that moment.

"How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!
This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes.
I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples;
And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak.
I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me."

where is that in the book? i know i've read it before and it's gotta be the best thing written in the bible ever.

Song Of Solomon 7:7

Masters of their domain?

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