So, as many of you know, it’s looking like the girl is gonna be moving to Cali to attend grad school. This is probably the best school in the country in her field and she would get a pretty sweet deal out of the whole thing (be able to work with her current boss on their grant, maintain a salary on top of her stipend, etc…). She’s somewhat apprehensive of leaving Philly (she loves her job despite the chopping block her museum is on, her folks aren’t too far, she likes this city, etc..) and is thinking about A) getting a more secure –and less enjoyable- job and staying here while going to a lesser program at night, B) Basically blowing off her boss and going for a different, yet just as prestigious program (Harvard and Austin are being tossed around here), or C) going out to Cali.
That said, while I’m not a huge fan of my job at all, it is getting me valuable experience that I can probably use later in other fields. If I stay here, I can obviously keep working here and hopefully find something new within the year or so. If we move to Boston, I’d at least have a shot at getting a job in publishing, and in Austin I’d have a slim one, though probably not much with anything else. In Claremont, I’d be pretty much be headed into a small town with no job prospects and little on the horizon. In the latter two cases, I’d have to be the breadwinner of the couple since she’ll be going to school. Now since I’m stupid and in love with her, I’ve told her I’ll pretty much follow her wherever her decisions take her and not to deprive herself of any opportunity on my account, and I mean it. But she keeps asking me what she thinks she should do and at this point I have no fucking clue what to say anymore. Should I just damn the torpedoes and keep her best interests in mind? Should I keep my best interests in mind? Should I try and sawy her to somewhere I wanna move? I’m at the point where I just don’t care anymore and just wanna figure out where we’re going. Any thoughts?

Where in Cali?

We'll get to California one day, Mr. Homer.

Seriously, Philly is Gar. The people are ugly and mean, and the sports teams suck

you have so much mroe time to give up on your dreams, so just grab for the brass ring.

Just don't make a move until you get a ring on your finger.

Her best interests are your best interests. Figure it out once you get there.

there are other cities besides philly?

Not having lived in any of those places and not having been in this sort of situation, here's what I think;

Who's got more focus right now? Her? If she's got a definite option go wherever she wants (feels she needs) to be.

Later on down the road, it will be your turn.

I oversimplify things sometimes, but I really do think it's that easy. It's just about getting her to the point of being confident in a decision that best fits her goal.

<--- Thought this might be NSFW

my parody thread juices were working, but I declined.

I thought that Cotton had posted an image of a real pickle, the soured cucumber.

where does she go/study?

Publishing in Boston is meh.

Claremont? which school?

it all depends. how much do you love this woman?

haha no srsly, either way, do what she says. i would if i was really smitten

If you go with her, make sure you get something good career-wise for yourself. That's my main issue right now; my wife got a great job here, and I followed her assuming I'd surely be able to find something once I got here. That didn't really work out well and now when she comes home after having yet another great day, I can't help but feel somewhat resentful. It's got to be good for both parties or there's gonna be trouble.

i mean, you can get hit by a bus tomorrow. just think about that.

would you rather both together or just one at a time.

I vote B. Seems like everyone could be happy. But don't listen to me. I'm an idiot.

I'd say B or C...may not be true for her field, but as a general rule, I'd say go to a top graduate school or almost don't bother going to one at all.

If you moved to Cali, I'd assume you could live somewhere between LA and Claremont (LA is a little under 40 miles from Claremont) which would make lots more job opportunities and lots more social life available to you.

In any case, I wouldn't make a big decision like this if its for more than a couple of years without visiting and checking out the turf. I can't imagine you'd like either LA, Austin or New England less than Philly though. Philly may be the absolute worst city I've ever been to. Cheese steaks are good but what else does it really have to offer.

Really though her network from school is going to be the strongest closest geographically to the school. So you should look to make one move to an area where you both think you'd like to live longer term.

so the concensus is do anything but stay in philly (which is where we would both like to stay, and it is a great city, but I'm sick of defending it here), and keep her options ahead of mins since she is definitely more focused than me, but to make sure I get something good career-wise for myself. hmmm.

Dumpjack, that's exactly my fear, moving out there and working some stiff job I loathe just to make ends meet.

She'd be going to Claremont and working here

I can't imagine we'd live there longer than a few years before moving back east.

I can't imagine why i haven't been invited by name to weigh in on this shit.

i already got called a hippie this morning by my boss for going running.

i have other material.

fair enough.


but working on a hemp farm falls under the hippie umbrella.

well you shouldn't do that.

also, go wherever she wants to go, because there's nothing worthwile tethering you to philly, and your job is BUNK. Also, you are worthless without her. Also, J has some pills for you to snort. we worked out a dosage schedule this afternoon.

well, you better find my ass a non-drug testing job then. and yes, I pronounced it "yob", ass.

That's what I'm praying for right now (heading back east) but I'll tell you I don't recommend taking a hit for the team for a couple of years. It sucks.

While Claremont is very nice, what Billy stated is right. You could move somewhere between LA and Claremont. Pasadena area might be somewhere you'd like to consider. Remember, LA is huge and the areas where to find work are vast.

I say go where she wants. While it's great that she's including you in this very important decision, you've said what you needed to. It's her turn to make the ultimate one.