State Government Speak

no guru · **Posted:** Mon Jan 10, 2005 8:46 pm

My wife forwards this e-memo to me this afternoon from one of her superiors at the Department of Labor. She says "none of this man's emails make any damn sense. Can I kill him?"

Quote:

Hi Folks,

As many of you know, the Feds last program year changed the reporting
periods for WIA for performance measures calculated using UI wage
data to April-March from an October-September lag period. We thus
have two versions of some of the WIA reports to be able to generate data
using either the new or old dates, depending on the program year in which
we are interested.

Last week, we did house cleaning and renamed the program performance
reports (PPRs) to reflect this change. The PPR "Program Perf Rpt w/new
dates" that people use the most is located in WIA/TAA and the report
"Program Perf Rpt w/Old Dates" is listed in WOTC.

We apologize for not informing you before the change was made, and
appreciate your patience and understanding.

Feel free to contact me if you have questions.

Yes, Lisa, you can kill him.

d · **Posted:** Mon Jan 10, 2005 8:55 pm

Did you get that memo about the TPS Reports?

no guru · **Posted:** Mon Jan 10, 2005 8:55 pm

dnorwood Wrote:

Did you get that memo about the TPS Reports?

Heh.

A Northern Soul · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 12:23 pm **Posts:** 3742

wow, that first sentence nearly put me to sleep. nevermind the rest of it. i dont know how im typing this right now, actually.

no guru · **Posted:** Mon Jan 10, 2005 9:12 pm

Lisa says she's assaulted by emails of that nature on a daily basis from quite a few Augusta bureaucrats and never knows what they're on about or if it's something important.

Says she's glad she's not like Nicky from the Bourne films and isn't expected to act on the information sent to her. Cause people might die or something.

She's never seen Terry Gilliam's Brazil. I should put that on for her. She'd get a kick out of it, considering her current job.

A Northern Soul · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 12:23 pm **Posts:** 3742

i think more people should type with the new england accent. its funny and cool. a cape breton or newfie accent works well too. [newfie]eh boy?[/newfie]

no guru · **Posted:** Mon Jan 10, 2005 9:26 pm

Northern Soul Wrote:

i think more people should type with the new england accent. its funny and cool. a cape breton or newfie accent works well too. [newfie]eh boy?[/newfie]

If that email were in Yankee, it would be more like:

Quote:

Haloo bubbie,

As a body might know, the Feds last yee-uh pulled a fastun and switched up the Dubya-Eye-Aye from springtime t' falltime. Hell, no, I dasn't know what the Dubya-Eye-Aye is, neither, but goddamn if we hassn't got two of the bastids summit awful. Take yer pick, it don't matter nohow.
Much obliged. Tell Ethan I said "howzit goin'."

MontyTheMongoose · **Posted:** Mon Jan 10, 2005 10:09 pm

frostingspoon Wrote:

Quote:

Haloo bubbie,

As a body might know, the Feds last yee-uh pulled a fastun and switched up the Dubya-Eye-Aye from springtime t' falltime. Hell, no, I dasn't know what the Dubya-Eye-Aye is, neither, but goddamn if we hassn't got two of the bastids summit awful. Take yer pick, it don't matter nohow.
Much obliged. Tell Ethan I said "howzit goin'."

That's somewhere between how I imagine an intoxicated LooGAR talks and Dizzee Rascal sounds on record (moreso the first).

A Northern Soul · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 12:23 pm **Posts:** 3742

Quote:

Haloo bubbie,

As a body might know, the Feds last yee-uh pulled a fastun and switched up the Dubya-Eye-Aye from springtime t' falltime. Hell, no, I dasn't know what the Dubya-Eye-Aye is, neither, but goddamn if we hassn't got two of the bastids summit awful. Take yer pick, it don't matter nohow.
Much obliged. Tell Ethan I said "howzit goin'."

thats it, new decree. everyone must now talk yankee. or else no one gets their wia reports!!!

no guru · **Posted:** Mon Jan 10, 2005 10:22 pm

Benvolio Wrote:

frostingspoon Wrote:

Quote:

Haloo bubbie,

As a body might know, the Feds last yee-uh pulled a fastun and switched up the Dubya-Eye-Aye from springtime t' falltime. Hell, no, I dasn't know what the Dubya-Eye-Aye is, neither, but goddamn if we hassn't got two of the bastids summit awful. Take yer pick, it don't matter nohow.
Much obliged. Tell Ethan I said "howzit goin'."

That's somewhere between how I imagine an intoxicated LooGAR talks and Dizzee Rascal sounds on record (moreso the first).

Originally email re-posted for comparsion, Yankee/Statespeak:

Quote:

Hi Folks,

As many of you know, the Feds last program year changed the reporting
periods for WIA for performance measures calculated using UI wage
data to April-March from an October-September lag period. We thus
have two versions of some of the WIA reports to be able to generate data
using either the new or old dates, depending on the program year in which
we are interested.

Last week, we did house cleaning and renamed the program performance
reports (PPRs) to reflect this change. The PPR "Program Perf Rpt w/new
dates" that people use the most is located in WIA/TAA and the report
"Program Perf Rpt w/Old Dates" is listed in WOTC.

We apologize for not informing you before the change was made, and
appreciate your patience and understanding.

Feel free to contact me if you have questions.

A REAL Maine Yankee would never say "As many of you know." He'd say something non-committal like "As a body might be aware." There are lots of Mainers who aren't REAL Yankees, though and talk up an all-fired odd storm o' fishshit.

Damen · **Posted:** Mon Jan 10, 2005 10:29 pm

no guru · **Posted:** Mon Jan 10, 2005 10:51 pm

Damen Wrote:

Instantly swiped as an avatar for another board. Thank Yew.

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