Kid Rock knows something that you and I don't. He's figured out the secret—the dirty, nasty, well-kept secret of American life, which is that rednecks, in general, have more fun than uppity liberal folk like me. If you're a redneck, you're not dropping $2,300 a month to live in a Park Slope utility closet. The radio plays songs you actually like. You're not waiting in line for hours to eat at a trendy restaurant that doesn't take reservations, because Applebee's is A-OK with you. Also A-OK: cheap, mass-produced beer. Plus, you get to shoot guns all the time. It's a remarkably enjoyable lifestyle, and the annual Kid Rock theme cruise, officially called Kid Rock's Chillin' the Most Cruise, now in its fourth year, is meant to be a raucous celebration of it, with Rock—a man who countrified the concept of "keeping it real"—as its Pied Piper.

That's it for now. But it might come back around to physical again.