Hey all. Sorry to get all personal here, but thought I'd see if any of you have been in any similar situations, and how it was dealt with.

My sons mother (and ex) has been making it virtually impossible to speak to and see my son. Since I've been with my girlfriend, she has been absolutely unbearable to speak to, screams, yells, insults, carries on with all of this nonsense from the past, rants on facebook, and flat out lies about things. God only knows what she tells my son. There have been numerous times that I've been on the phone with him, and she will snatch the phone from him, yell something insulting, and hang up. In a nut shell, she's insane, and hates that I'm happy.

Is the only route at this point taking her to court to try and get equal visitation or to have the court set up a parenting plan? This sucks, but I'm at the end of my rope here. I NEED to see my son.

Any help is greatly appreciated guys.

Man, that sucks. Sorry to hear that.

I don't really have any advice to offer since I've never been in that situation but I guess court sounds like the best bet.

Were you guys ever married or just in a relationship? How long have you been separated? I assume you were the one that wanted the split and now she is angry and jealous.

It seems like you could get court ordered time with the kid easily, but it'll cost you plenty of cash with a lawyer involved. (I'm sure that you love your son too much to care about spending money.) It also depends on how much custody you are seeking, full 50%, every other weekend, etc. If she can show herself as a better provider/ parent than you, you might end up seeing him less (depending on how much you see him now.)

My buddy just went through a rough divorce. Basically she cheated on him, and then asked for everything. He wanted to work things out, but she decided the best way to go about things was to lie, file false police reports, get him kicked out of his house, and watch the kids so she could bang his ex-friend in his ex-house.

If she's not going to be civil, then yes, court may be the only option. It's shitty - nobody ever really "wins" in court - but it may be worth it to see Seb. Prepare to have ALL your shit in a row, prepare for slander and character assault, facebook photos etc to come up, anything they can do to paint you as a bad dad. And frankly if there's enough ammo for her lawyer, there's little you can do but race her to the bottom of the "bad parents" pile, in the eyes of a judge. Divorce attorneys love facebook... it has made their jobs much easier.

Also for reference, mom is a juvy court judge. If you get procedural or strategic questions, holla.

man, that guy has it a lot rougher than i do. she is batshit crazy, and has been physical, stolen from me, but i was the one calling the cops on her. thank the lord those days are over.

never married, and we have been seperated for about 8 months. i'm going the court route i guess, but will try without a lawyer. is that a good/bad idea? i'm seeking the ability to see my son every weekend or every other weekend. not asking for anything more than that because it will just piss her off even more. i live in fort lauderdale, she lives in orlando, so we can meet half way. thing is, she did the same thing (meeting half way) with her 2 other kids and her ex-husband, but she refuses to let me have him down here with me and my 'scumbag girlfriend' (a Johns Hopkins grad with not a mark on her record, shit not even a traffic ticket).

i'm probably a better provider seeing as i make more money than and have a much more stable home life. recently, she had an ex-heroin user living there that stole from her, and now has another jobless woman living with her.

timmy, did your buddy end up getting a lawyer?

oh yeah, she'll get nasty. as far as my facebook, it's pretty tame really. in fact a good majority of the photos are of my son.

Cap'n this is much appreciated man.

Anytime, seriously. Kids are a big deal, and (taking your word for all this), he needs to keep you in his life.

Also I say "get a lawyer." Because if she does and you don't, you're probably toast.

i'd lock down the facebook, scrounge up any documentation you can regarding the police involvement, any other documented instance of irresponsibility and anything at all that will present a clear case that your home life is indeed more stable and secure for raising a child. build a file. and start that legal fund.

i don't know how FL is, but IN tends to favor the mother as far as courts go. that's really scary, and i was lucky that my son's mom ended up being reasonable in the end.

squirrg...i feel for your lady. one of my good friends worked juvenile probation for years. the stories.....

My mom? Yeah she can get worn down sometimes by it, but she preferred juvenile over trial law, easily. With kid issues, there's almost always a clear "right thing to do," and the advocate and the judge usually can figure it out quickly. They can usually discern pretty well who's a scumbag and who isn't. Or if neither one really is, you know? Trial civil law is just adults trying to hurt each other financially.

will do.

yeah man, i'm simply asking her to be fair and she refuses. she's impossible to talk to, so i try and avoid it, which then turns me into a 'dead beat dad' in her words because i don't call my son. my father was up there for a few weeks at the end of last year, and i was able to speak to seb daily. but with her there, she ignores my txts, rants on the phone, and always says he's sleeping.

anyways, thanks a lot for the help guys.

i am hoping they can figure out that she is nuts, unstable, and a liar simply trying to hurt me (sadly hurting our son instead). i've gone in cool-headed with her, and she always ends up freaking out.

oops ... skimming posts at work...

Ugh. Sorry dude... Steph & I saw a post from A yesterday and was hoping it wasn't about the two of you guys.

lawyer lawyer lawyer is your safest bet...

agreed here.....clean up any facebook posts or even pictures that can be thrown in your face.....i know you are a beer lover when you travelled, but even stupid stuff like that can be looked at in a negative sense......

My buddy did get a lawyer and it ended up costing him a ton of money because the lawyers wanted to keep having meetings to negotiate and talk things out. She wouldn't file for divorce. She made him do it which was a strategic move probably recommended by her attorney to make him look bad, like he was the one who wanted the D. She claimed rape and child abuse, which never stuck because she had zero evidence and he had zero record. Every time they got close in the negotiations, she'd ask for more, which would slow things down and cost him more money. I think this got drawn out for about 8 months before he just gave in on most things to get it over with.

Sucks, dude. My brother is going through something similar. His ex knew the lawyer, the mediator, and a judge so he got taken to the cleaners when they split up. They have one daughter together. She decided she wanted to up and move to Florida last year and rather than have a huge battle about it he let her go. She came back to NY in less than a year.

Now, she says she wants to move again, but it not telling my brother where, or why, or anything, and is telling the 7 year-old daughter "not to tell daddy anything." Ugh.

I wish people were reasonable adults. And, I wish there was a good/better system in place that could make the right choice for what's best for the child, when the adults can't compromise themselves.

So yeah advice, I guess if you're bringing in a 3rd party, make sure it's someone you both agree on. People who network and have connections in the system can really take advantage of it, like a lawyer would if they could hand pick their own jury.

looking back, i really didn't have many beer/alcohol pics, but those are deleted now.

good lord, that's exhausting.

this. all i'm asking for is for her to be fair. at the end of the day, it's for sebastian, not us.

I will echo the sentiments of those who say you are probably going to have to lawyer up. And those who say this sucks, because boy does it.

Sorry you are going through this, amigo.

Listen, Dale, I've been there. Twice. Here in Florida. Forget any hopes of adult behavior, or injecting sanity into the situation, or anything else even faintly conciliatory. It will not happen. You cannot reason with crazy.

Accept the fact that you are going to drop a shit ton of cash, and go through a lot of emotional turmoil, and even after all that, you may not get everything you want or feel entitled to. Get an attorney in your area with the best reputation for success in such matters. I used female lawyers as a psychological ploy. They don't necessarily have to be the nastiest, just the most effective. Beat the drums to get opinions and leads. Then throw in the cash and engage the battle.

As a minimum, you need to have a court ruling setting forth each of your roles and responsibilities regarding the minor child. In my experience, forget trying to paint the ex as a horrible, irresponsible mother- unless she has a police record documenting criminal behavior, the court does not care about her character. Let me repeat that- the court does not care about her character. It may seem crazy, but it is The Truth.

She may go all out to paint you as a horrible, abusive, dangerous person. Unless she has people corroborating any allegations, all that will do is make everything drag out, which t will anyway.

Concentrate on demonstrating your relationship with your son to the judge, and your desire to maintain that relationship. It took me almost 4 years and $50,000 (1990's dollars) in legal fees to get to a reasonable point. Not saying you should expect that sort of extreme situation, but do it because of your son, and do it because it is the right thing to do. I ended up with custody of my boys.

Sorry for the long missive, but feel for you. Good luck.

et

Thankfully, I have never been through something like this, so I am sorry that I cannot add anything really constructive.
I just came in here to let you know that I feel for you and am hoping for the best outcome for both you and Sebastian. I know how proud of him you are and how much you love him.
Hopefully that will count for something.
Thoughts with you, my friend.