One of my dad's friends is like 20 years older than his youngest sibling.

He came home from the Navy, and his mom had a piece of paper on the fridge that said things like:
Car = Chair
Table = Dog
Glass = Cat
ETC...

apparently his teenage brothers had taught the youngest kid all the wrong words for things. One of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life.

bwahahahaha. that's horrible. but hilarious.

No. Jilarious.

"Ask and ye shall receive..."

I used to pray for the ability to fly. Not really high, maybe ten feet off the ground or so. I assumed my inability was a direct result of being naughty. Ah, the Catholic upbringing....

...I never really thought about the fact that no one else could fly either. I must have assumed they were praying for stupid things like health, peace, etc. and not nearly as clever with their prayers as I was.

this is easily the funniest thread of all time.

i have nothing good to add, though when I was like 4 my brothers told me that when you drive through a puddle and splash someone it was called a blowjob because "they have to get a blowdryer to dry off". Being the impressionable kid I was the next time it was raining I told my dad to give the dude on the side of the street a bj. Yeah, I got a look.

Once he figured it out, my dad decided to force my brothers to give me the sex talk. My brothers at the time were about as mature as I am now, so you can imagine the vocab I was running around with by age 5.

What is scary is that gelatin is actually made from the collagen in cow or pig bones, hooves, and connective tissues.

Source : http://home.howstuffworks.com/question557.htm

so, we eat the rest of the animal why waste?

I'm not that gullible.

Because I have green eyes, my sister always thought that everything I looked at was green. I went along with her theory until she finally figured out otherwise.

I always thought eating spinach would make me strong like Popeye. Why a girl would want muscles like Popeye, I'll never know.

I always thought Mary Ann from Romper Room would one day magically mention my name on TV, even though, I had never mailed her a postcard with my info.

I thought I was supposed to save my virginity until I got married.

Great thread.

I gotta hunnert of 'em, but the only one I can think of at the moment is I used to think that there were seeds (like cantelope) under your toe/fingernails.

My younger sister once proclaimed that she couldn't wait until it was her turn to be the oldest child.


For a long time it was a great mystery to me what the fuck tampons were.

Ooh, ooh, related story -- I was told that if I started using a tampon, I automatically would lose my virginity. That only sparks the countless wives' tales regarding menstruation.

Did you know the word gullible is not in the dictionary?

I once thought the world was a loving place and that life was full of wonderful opportunities.

Ha!

Before I knew that "idiot" was a pejorative, I thought that it meant "funny." During a 1st grade school field trip to a street fair down the street I screamed "IDIOT!" at a comedian/juggler and got kicked off the field trip.

Lots of mispronounciations - like how I always said "Horse D'overs" even though I was already aware of hearing the proper way to say it - it just didn't seem likely to me that they could be the same word.

Ha ha! Reminds me of a class I had in 9th grade... Acting Techniques. One of the girls in the class started her period but didn't have anything, so she was quietly asking all the girls if they had a maxipad. My friend said she didn't have a pad, but she had a tampon. And the girl was all, "Ooh, I can't use that." My friend asked why, and she said "Because I'm still a virgin!" Our teacher was sitting behind us listening to all this, and he had quite the chuckle.

I was convinced that women don't take dumps.

The same as all of you, I thought:
PopRocks + Soda = Exploding stomach and certain death

Hey, anyone can create a Wikipedia entry.

That was my main one, along with the misguided belief that being named Dean automatically earmarked a child for a future career in collegiate administration.

no, it seriously does. I honestly think someone should do some sort of study into this. All my mates from basketball, though the same height as everyone else when they were younger, are all now between 6'2'' and 6'10''.

On another note, when i used to hear people sing the alphabet song, they would always pronounce the "l, m, n, o" part really quickly, hence i thought that it was one letter, called "ellemenno". Since my name started with an 'M', i felt like an outcast because i thought 'm' wasn't even in the alphabet.

Jesus, I can't believe I went this long without remembering one of my biggies:

Everyone knows the old joke, "What's black and white and read all over? A Newspaper!", and the play is off the word read that sounds like red when spoken aloud.

My father told me the same old joke when I was a real li'l booger, before I started school. Thing is, he could tell by my look that the gears were turning, and the joke had slipped past me. So he explained, "Yeah, the paper is actually red, and it doesn't turn white until after it runs through the press and is all printed."

Hardy har, Dad, pulling the kid's leg. One big problem though: My father worked for a newspaper. Being a young boy who believed his father could do absolutely no wrong, while also knowing that he worked at the newspaper, I was convinced I had received insider information of which the public was unaware. I felt so damn in the know.

Well, given the material when I started reading pre-Kindergarten was Little Golden Books or Richard Scarry or something like that, I don't remember ever seeing a joke book till probably first grade or so. Eventually came the day I actually saw that old joke in print. Boy, was that a "waittadamnminnit here" forehead slapping moment.

Oh yeah, and another one. Being curious and wanting to gain lots of knowledge from dear ol' Dad, I asked him what those signs that keep you from slamming into the guardrail meant. I mean, they had no words, like YIELD or STOP or anything like that. Here's a picture, just in case I can't 'splain these right:



Sometimes they have white rather than yellow, but you know what they are.

Well, he told me, "That helps you see the road at night. It makes that pattern on the road so you know where to go." When I noticed that I couldn't see the same pattern, I asked him why he told me the wrong answer.

"Oh, you can't see them because you aren't driving."