So you're saying one's characer can't change but one's level of (in)security can? Thus, insecurity isn't part of one's character? Sorry, I'm just not getting the distinction.

I guess the real question is what earns the title of 'cheater?' One time? Repeats in a given time period or within the same relationship? Character/values might be a determination of whether someone ever cheats, but a cheating history is not a 100% guarantee that they will cheat again (which the quote implies). It might be more likely, but cheaters can't be treated as lost causes. If you're the third point in the triangle, you need to check yourself as well.

Dad cheated on his first wife with my Mom then cheated on Mom with his new girlfriend thirty-some-odd years later. One thing I had to resolve (much like Phil said) is that if a particular person came back into my life forty years from now, I could see myself doing the exact thing. That scared the shit out of me.

I believe that if you truly love the person you're with, you don't cheat on them. That's what it comes down to for me, even if you have cheated in previous relationships.

this is also true. my ex-roommate was constantly cheating on his gf, and they are still together. i feel bad for her, she has NO idea. he loves her, but he's so fuckin self-absorbed and doesn't give a fuck about other peoples' feelings.

This sounds right to me. In Sketch's dad's case though... I'm sure he loved/loves his mom, but do you ever think after a long period of time (in Sketch's dad's case, 30 years), you might mistake a comfortable marriage for "not being in love anymore?" sorry, Sketch... not trying to talk like you're not in the room...

depends on the stakes. there are some situations where most people wouldnt cheat, but i think there are also many other ones where you can count on most people actually being dishonest (since cheating is a subjective term anyway).

It's cool, Dana. I think it's appropriate example. That's why I brought it up.

i think this is the right answer. my wife and I talk about this a lot - once you are drunk and naked in bed with someone (extreme example) - too late. You have to avoid dangerous situations.

i've been 'the other woman'....and one thing that DEFINITELY stuck out in my mind was.... 'if he's done this to her.....then....how can i trust him?' i decided i couldn't.

What's considered cheating?

Doing something to the point of orgasm with someone other than your current bf/gf/wife/husband/lover/whatever.

I have never cheated.

In my experience? Usually. Do you feel lucky, punk?

I think you're right Dana. And i think that *comfort* affects people differently. Also, age has a lot to do with it too. For many women I think 40 is a huge milestone and can trigger some deep introspection about reaching goals. Men also do this but I think it comes later, around 45-50.

Do I know you? Sounds a lot like me.

I was married for a few years and when it started going south for other reasons, I started cheating. I never really liked it, but I did it for the attention. He found out and it absolutely broke his heart (and mine). I couldn't believe that I had hurt someone so badly. He's since forgiven me (we've been separated since July '04 and divorced in June '05), but I haven't forgiven myself at all. But I will say that I'll never cheat again. It's just not worth it.

becoming emotionally/romantically and/or sexually involved with someone while involved with another.

Well, that's one definition.

Another might be if you're doing something that most people would not do (E.G. dry-humping, kissing openly on the mouth), then you're probably cheating.

Cheating is also defined by the partner you're cheating on. How would they feel if they saw you doing ___________ with someone else?

Some people don't care where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home, others figure that there's nothing wrong with eating out, but it's something you and your partner need to figure out together.

You can't call it cheating, if it reminds me of you.

Was that the Gin Blossoms?

good fucking question. one of the dumbest things i've ever done was get involved with a girl who was cheating on her boyfriend with me. didn't end so good.

that being said, one of my good friends cheated on every guy she ever dated up until about a year ago. but as she got older and a hell of a lot more mature, she stopped, and she's been with only one guy for the last couple years. people can change drastically, especially since most cheating i've witnessed is the result of stupid young selfishness.

this is it right here, stupid selfishness

you know what? fuck you. i'm not defending her behavior in the past at all, but my friend didn't stop cheating because she's old and not good looking anymore. she's 24 and in my opinion looks better than she ever did before. of course, how could you know that, seeing as you don't know the first thing about her. she stopped cheating because she grew the fuck up--you might want to do the same.

Was going to have an asinine quip about how I've never cheated and oh-yay-me and all that, but yeah, this is about right.

Touchy, eh?

Unrequited feelings for her, of long-term prolly, that you've sublimated into gallantry and defense of the friendship, no?

... I get it, though. Any amoral and/or unethical and/or insulting thing that anyone else (but me) has ever done before the age of twenty-five is absolved. That's why Michael Carey - no, not the NFL referee - is married to a "punk rock princess" and father of one, and touring the plains states while scouting artists and writers and musicians for his publishing copy - even after his early to mid twenties of psychedelics use and compulsive thieving - while I am alone (though occasionally scamming some play from an heavy-set near-divorcee (she's separated)) because I (supposedly) made a stupid remark about Kathy Kegel's tits once when I was fifteen.

Exactly.

... Yeah. Sure. Right. Whatever.

No - People stop doing the shitty things they did when they were younger 'cause eventually their pasts will catch up with them. So, better to have some distance on the indiscretions so as they can then just chalk it up to youth and "trying to experience everything life has to offer" instead of the fact that they were (and prolly still are) douchebags, plain and simple.