i don't have any exes

you want me to post a pic of the foreclosure notice?

But luckily the only thing I've lost was a weekend or two (friends are great), and a PO Box.

This has nothing to do with exes but since there isn't a thread about intentionally pissing off 'in-laws' I'll stick it here.

At the weekend the girlfriend and I went out for dinner, we talked and she told me her brother, whom I have never met and who is apparently something of a Chicago wise guy with a volcanic temper, was asking about me on one of their trans-Atlantic phone calls. When she told him I had a Masters degree in Classics, he remarked I must be a "fag" as only a "fag" would study a "homo" subject like Classics.

Now I don't think there is anything wrong with homosexuality but this was obviously intended as a broadside against me and although I didn't think much about it at the time, the more I brooded on it the more I thought 'I can't let this go unanswered'. So I sent him a invite to a social networking site, the first direct contact between us, which went as follows.

"Hi,

I'm D., the homosexual classicist who fucked your sister 5 times last weekend - from the back, from the front and in the mouth.

Anyway, I was thinking and it occurred to me I don't have any SHORT and BALD friends.

This is very remiss of me as I'm sure SHORT and BALD people are just as worthwhile, in their own way, as tall people with a full head of hair like me.

Therefore since you are SHORT and BALD, I would very much like you to grasp my extended hand of comradeship, including, as it does, the digits I recently used to finger bang your sister in a public park in front of numerous disgusted passers by, and except my generous offer of friendship.

Brotherly love,

D."

The invite is as yet 'unanswered' but my moles tell me the phrase 'He's dead' may have been used in reference to the above.

you keepin all the guys as a harem??

mine still isn't legally an ex yet

A funny bit completely ruined by using "except" instead of "accept"

Beautiful revenge Darrin. When you said femkonstantinL's brother was a "Chicago wiseguy" who called you a fag for majoring in Lit, I thought it must be Robotboy.

Will the gloom ever lift?

you move on and find people you dig and have a good life, whatever that means to you. Sure, you may be broke for a while, but you get to hang out making cheeseburgers every Tuesday night and drink some good beer with a woman who for some unexplainable reason seems to actually give a damn about you.

and remind each other of the days when they had such stupid partners who thought being responsible adults and parents was more important than looking cool to everyone else.