if you're waking up that easily in the morning you're probably not drinking enough.

You said it, Cotton!
"Take a xanax and call me after lunch."

haven't the mexicans always been the socially acceptible group to make fun of?

Crackers, Jews, etc... Everyone should get their turn...

Some cops asked me if we had seen any mexicans the other day while I was hammered and staggering back to my friend's house. It ruled.

I'm on the top floor of our house and it's basically the attic so it gets kinda hot in here during the winter so I have to keep my window open and this is what I usually hear.

garbage truck at 2-3am getting the dumpsters from the pizza place next to us.

when it snows the ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS at the apartment building across the street like to go out and use their snowblowers at around 5am.

this is the most annoying one because it happens with the greatest frequency. some dude who lives in said apartment building likes go out and get in his minivan at all hours of the day and turn the wheels so they make a horrible screeching sound. sometimes he'll just sit in it and turn the wheels for no apparent reason. anyone know how to make a car bomb?

Shot of Jameson and a pint of Guinness.

I'm sure nothing will bother me then.