man, I'm sorry Colin.

That's tough, dude. Divorces suck, no matter what. My ...erm... condolences...or whatever is appropriate.

Thanks for the support all. Feel free to keep it coming. I guess I'm going to talk about it a little here.

I'm doing alright. Still all over the place. What you're all saying about how it's about them (not me) is right on. Granted I'm probably biased, but my mother is the strongest person I know. I know she will thrive through this, and I'm not worried about her in the slightest. I will be there for her if she asks, though.

I think the fine Senator hit the nail on the head:

This is what I've mostly been processing the past few days. While I'm aware that I don't exist without this behavior (he did this with my mom to his first wife), I still can't condone it, nor do I have any intention to do this to a future partner. Of course, that means I have to do things differently, and I need to accept that some attitudes that he had don't work for me.

I just hope this works out for him... for his sake. He needs more support at this point, and I hope he's getting it. I'm just not ready to see him or talk to him.

There's nothing wrong with a little time and separation. It took about five years before I confronted my father with the crappy things he did, things he thought none of us knew.

For me, it was better to let a lot of the emotional stuff vent, allowing the eventual confrontation to be more cathartic and healing.

Wow, Colin, that is definitely a bummer.

Does it make it easier since you aren't around, or harder?

Curse those 'friends reunited' places, eh? And all fueled by misplaced nostalgia for their youth, which they will (too late) realise wasn't all that great.

Forgive my snideness; I got that call when I was 20 and my father promptly offed himself in a relatively discreet fashion. I'm sorry you're going though such a shitty thing --the kicker is that it affects you a lot, but you can't really do anything about or even express preferences, really, to the folks involved, without making it worse. Hang in there.

<-- made it to the eastside!

i thought i mentioned this earlier, but i'm the product (not the literal byproduct, but figuratively, oh yeah) of a chain reaction that destroyed like 3 marriages. It was not clean and there was much bickering at the time, but since i was 6 or so everyone has sort of realized how schmucky they were being and remain sociable, if not outright friends. Peaople go their own way sometimes, the best one can do is support the ones they love.

Sorry Colin.

Mine split up when I was around 12 or so and it sucked for awhile but they've both gone on with their lives and are actually civil to each other.

your advice is to pick sides? i need to get you some kind of emotional compass.

hey man, sorry you and your mom are having to go through this. hopefully something positive will eventually come from the current mess.

i didn't say support the ones you love more, a-hole. one can love both their parents, y'know.

I'm in this boat, too. I was less than a year old. I was too young to go through it, but I imagine the actual process is much worse than life after a divorce. Chin up, and things will get better.

In terms of how it affects your life- I've tried to take something positive from my parents split by just trying to learn from their mistakes and not repeat them.

Sorry to hear this. I have no personal insight.

I really, really feel for you Colin. You, of all people, don't deserve to have to go through something like this. If you need to talk or anything, feel free to PM or e-mail me, and I'll be a shoulder for you to punch repeatedly. My parents never divorced, but I found out after my dad died that he was apparently gay and hadn't had sex with my mother in almost 20 years. In retrospect, it probably would have been better for my folks to split decades ago. Regardless, I can only imagine how much pain and confusion you must be experiencing right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you, man.

Queers and steers, indeed.

Colin I've only been walkin the obner trail for a few months, but I know you are one cool dude...so best of luck to you my friend during these shitty times...Stay strong and fight the power...

Sorry to hear it Colin.

Good luck, man. Thinking about you, and hoping things will work out for all concerned.

fp