If I threw a woman out because of her breast size, would that be the same thing as you ditching a guy because of his junk?

(I bet no man has ever turned down some horny chic because of how she looked naked. Maybe the next day or next week, but not on the spot in the heat of the moment.)

I haven't had any really bad dates. This is pretty lame for a worst date thread, but consisted of:

picking girl up;
girl informing me that she was tired and couldn't be out late;
(so we didn't have time to go to a good restaurant);
went to Silver Diner instead;
her telling me what fabulous time she had with another male friend of hers the previous night, which ended in him getting thrown into jail;
hung around in the parking lot for a couple minutes;
someone coming up to her for drugs (she pretended like he had the wrong girl, but in hindsight, I'm pretty sure she was pretending);
me taking her home, and telling her I probably wouldn't be calling her again.

I just couldn't take the fact that every time I wanted to see her, she was "spent". I didn't want it to get to the point where she associated me with hangovers -- I didn't have a chance with that sort of bullshit.

I went out on a blind date with this girl once. So I'm driving around her neighborhood trying to find her house (she said she'd be sitting on the steps) and I see this girl that has to be at least 250 lbs. I considered just driving off but didn't want to be a total dickhead so I picked her up and we went and played minature golf and then got ice cream. Then we were driving around with nothing much else to do so I pulled over and said I had to use a payphone, pretended to call my friend and then came back, said I had to go help my friend out with something, dropped her off and never spoke to her again.

We're all so shallow.


I don't have a bad date story because I never went on a date until I started seeing Blue Milk. Well, I did go to a really bad school dance before I dated him. But it's nowhere near as bad as some of the stuff you all have written. No monster vaginas or shriveled penis's. The guy just told me to order something small at dinner and get water because he didn't want to pay much, even though he got a big meal and a soda, and then he was a terrible dancer. I ditched him halfway through the dance. I hate dancing anyways.

Why did I go?

Has Au'T seen this thread, yet?

Maybe not on how she looked, but I booted a gal out of my dorm room freshman year because her crotch smelled like a Wawa dumpster in mid-August.

++++++++++++++++++++

I also managed to pick up a girl at a TKE party one night and went back to her dorm. At LaTech, the dorms were single sex and no coed visits after midnight. Of course, the girls' dorms were much stricter than the guys' dorms. Anyway, I sneak in the side door and we start easing our way into bidness. As I'm working south from tits to jeans, she tells me, "You might want to be careful." Huh? "I'm on my period." Shit. If you can walk through mud…you know the rest. No problems. I unbutton the jeans, then go to grope outside her pants. They are soaked. "Oh yeah, I might have peed a little".

I half-assedly helped her change, but by now I'm not gonna risk being caught in the female dorms in the wee hours of the morning, so we agree it's best to go to sleep. Imagine that! She pisses the bed again. I spent the rest of the early morning trying to sleep on a 4 inch stretch of dry sheets, cause I wasn't gonna sleep on the goddamn cold ass tile floor. And to top it off, she wanted to have pillowtalk the next morning. I finally just got up and shot out the side door.

++++++++++++++++++++

I picked up an ex-slampiece of a friend of mine one night, went back to her place, made her my ex-slampiece, and she overslept for her friend's funeral the next day. Whoops.

That's...that's more information than I needed to know.

i went on a date years ago with a guy that i met at a bar. he was kind of weird, but i was too young and naive to back out of the date. we went for dinner and then he invited me back to his place to watch a movie. everything was going well (this was actually a few dates into the relationship) and I was ready to spend the night. We got into bed, started fooling around (me on top) when I realized that his face was bloody. Turns out, I had gotten a bloody nose and it was now all over him. He cleaned up, but decided to sleep. I probably freaked him out with the blood. We went to sleep, but about three hours later, I woke up freaking out because my arm was asleep and I couldn't move. Woke him up with my yelling, and I think that scared him even more. Never talked to him after that night... can't say that I blame him. I also found a swingers magazine in his bathroom on a previous date... magazine was opened to a picture of him. ew.

Pretty subtle of the guy.



I have no bad date stories. I'm charming as fuck.

Uh, dude, she's trying to send you a message. Peeing == either no sex, or kinky.

Fixed.

Fuck you guys go out with some losers, but I have been in long relationships than dry spells, repeat. The worst that I have heard is that I wasn't aggressive enough. I thought I was being a gentleman by not going down her pants on the first date and they think I'm not interested? I would rather build up to sex on the third date or something but is not very modern anymore. It's always about sex and I have learned my lesson but still won't be a pig about it.

<<Ever leave a hot dog weenie in the microwave for too long and it gets overcooked? That's exactly what it looked like -- shriveled up, yet looking as if it were attacked by leprosy.>>

If he was so into punk you couda said Was that you on the cover of DEAD KENNEDYS Plastic Surgery Disasters? That's what your %@#& looks like!


<<But, that's when I noticed something. The teeny tiny weenie. >>

And then after a beatbox ntro, she breaks out into:

Don't want no short dick man
Don't want no short dick man

Iny weeny teeny weeny
Shriveled little short dick man

Don't want,Don't want,Don't want,
Don't want,Don't want,Don't want,
Don't want,Don't want,Don't want,
Don't want,Don't want,Don't want,
Don't want,Don't want,Don't want,

What in the world is that thing?
Do you need some tweezers to put that thing away

That has got to be the smallest dick
I've ever seen in my whole life
I have ever seen in my whole life

Get the fuck outta here
Iny weeny teeny weeny
Shriveled little short dick man

Don't want,Don't want,
Don't want,Don't want,
Don't want
Don't want
Don't want
Don't want
Don't want


Uh! Uh! Uh!
Uh! Uh! Uh!

Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!
Uh! Uh! Uh!

Isn't that cute an extra belly button
You need to put your pants back on honey


Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't
Don't, don't, don't, don't

Don't want,Don't want,
Don't want,Don't want,
Don't want no short dick man
Don't want no short dick man

Iny wee(x15)

Iny weeny teeny weeny
Shriveled little short dick man

my god. these have to be some of the funniest stories ever. The visual of the german girl dressed in something russel crowe would wear in gladiator is PERFECT. I can not get my formulated image out my head.

My worst date story.

The first girl I ever built the courage up to ask out said no.

or drained of your sweet sweet plasma...

Isn't this self-induced blueballs?

Fixed.

You are now married. That means there's hope for me. *cue whistle going WOOOOOOOO*

As far as I can recall, the dates themselves are alright. Mostly good/great times and conversations. Possible sparks. What always gets me is the no-call-back after the following week. Three times over eight/nine days. Nothing. Fuck this.

Oh, and I played wingman for a buddy who was in town. Didn't hook up as such but serious cuddling. Text/call her the following week. Got an email saying 'you do know I'm married, right?' Fuck this.

That's about right.

sometimes I actually do this shit on purpose

Gee, Gary, were you feelings hurt or something?

Btw, if I give the signal that I want some dick, I'll let the guy know. Those two date examples were obviously not someone I'd be interested in going out with again. Sorry, but I've a bit more class than putting out on a first date (unless he's Johnny Depp).

I have impeccable taste in women, and my dates usually turn into long and drawn out relationships, because the dates are so damn good. The problem lies in getting the date in the first place. You see, the downside to having impeccable taste in women is that they usually have incredibly high standards that I fall far short off, at least with the first impressions.

And I seem to fail at keeping the long and drawn out relationships going because they get sick of my obsession with playing music.

This has led to a string of amazingly bad excuses/refusals, which really ought to be another thread.

Although this one time i was playing this 21 and up show in FL, my first year teaching, I had just turned 22, and I got blitzed after the show. This incredibly hot girl is making eyes at me, and I get off stage and I'm working on a steady diet of guinness in the right hand, and tullamore dew in the left, thinking she's out of my league, must be into someone else in the band. She's all touching me, and then she's like, let's go to your truck. I'm three sheets to the wind and let her lead me out to the parking lot, where her clothes are vanishing like they belong on the endangered species list. Things are getting heavy, and she wants to go back to my house, and I'm like, well what about your car? And she's like, I didn't drive, but maybe i could give her a ride to school tomorrow. And I'm like, what college do you go to? And she's like, Oh, i'm a senior in (nearby) high school, at which point I disengage, pull up my pants, open my door and puke. Then I'm like, i gotta go get my gear together, and I'm trying to figure out how to ditch the jailbait, but by the time I loaded my amp she had gotten back together with her incredibly large, buff, tattooed, and much older boyfriend who was the lead singer of another band on the bill. And somehow, I felt like I had dodged a bullet.

Nope, just thought I'd put a different spin on it. I gotta agree with Derris, he got it when he said "well played Platte." 8) Nothing personal, I assure you.

I haven't seen your thumb, but I can garntee my pretty penis is much bigger than that. Unless you're in the habit of hitting your thumb with a hammer.