there are two apartments in my building, one lower, one upper (i live in the upper). there is a garage attached to the building. There is also a side door that leads into a hallway. On your right in the hallway is the back door to the downstairs neighbors' place, to your right is door to the garage, where the bike and clubs were. we ALWAYS keep that door locked, deadbolted and knob locked.

my downstairs neighbors, of who I talked to maybe twice and only in passing, moved out july 30th. on the 31st my bike was stolen, along w/ the helmet and lock. In trying to find how they got in, I realized that the side door was wide open. I locked it, thinking that maybe, just maybe the dudes who moved out forgot to lock it.

So, knowing that it's locked, this past Thursday night I come up to find my golf clubs gone. And what do you know, the side door was unlocked again

both times, there were absolutely zero signs of forced entry. now, either whoever broke in is a master lockpicker who can fuck with deadbolts and knob locks, or, this person had a key. There were never any problems whatsoever with this door/theft before these guys moved out. And the DAY after they move out, all of a sudden shit starts happening. hmmmm..

police report filed, renter's insurance notified, but I wanted these dudes names. It just seems too coincidental to NOT be them. so I call the leasing company, not expecting them to give me anything, and sure enough they were short and said "um, if the police want it, the police will have to call." but I talked w/ Felicia, the wife of the property manager, and she said "i know this is confidential, but, if you need them for your police report, HERE YOU GO" and I get the info. not sure how much time the cops really will spend on this, even since I have their names, but if anyone knows of any bounty hunters for hire I got two motherfuckers who have a braining coming to them, post haste.

Dude, this really sucks. What kind of clubs did you have?

For the price of a plane ticket to Chi-town and a case of Icehouse 40's, I got just the man for you.

These dudes punishments may include, but certainly will not be limited to:

hit with a brick, beaten with the aforementioned pilfered golf clubs and/or having a stack of encyclopedias dropped on their heads.

It also may or may not include kicking a dude's head like a fucking kick off.*

*All things actually done by our boy Scotty D

bazooka woods, forget the name of the irons. the woods were about 2 years old, the irons about 10.

but still, I GOT YOUR FUCKING NAMES, BITCHES!!!

this is my first theft, so I'm really curious what the police will do. i know without the names they wouldn't do much, but now that I do have indentifying info, if they'll go after them.

now your clubs?

yep. i thought that maybe, just maybe the dudes moving out forgot to lock the door, so I made sure that AFTER the bike was stolen, the door stayed locked. like I said, we've never had ANY problems with this before, and we've lived here for 3 years. but yeah, we get home thursday, clubs are gone, and there were boxes that were partially opened that were obvious that these dudes went thru.

and it makes more and more sense that is was them, and not someone random. and if it was a guy looking to get as much as possible and sell sell sell, he could have taken the brand new car tires still wrapped up sitting in plain view in the garage which cost almost as much as the clubs and bike combined. seems like it was just taken for personal use.

A personal question, if I may: Did you and robotgirl make a lot of ... er... noise? I ask because maybe the guy just heard you up there trying to break furniture for like the 1000th time and said "that's is, when I move out I'm stealing that inconsiderate fucker's bike and golf clubs."

Not that it makes it ok, but you know.

So, have you had the locks changed now that you've been robbed twice?

do you mean fight or make whoopee? we never fight much less argue, and it only takes me a good 1.5 minutes to make whoopee so he must be a speed demon.

of course.

this fucking sucks man. let me know if you need skulls cracked

Take a day off work, hide in a box with a chainsaw. Oh, and please set up a camera, too. Cuz I wanna see that.

It does sound like it just some dudes fucking with you...dudes who like to ride bikes to the golf course. Like you said I'd imagine if someone would take the priceier stuff if they wanted to make some money.

I always keep my clubs in the trunk of my car or inside...shit's expenisve.

Ding ding ding.

And I'll be happy to round up as many large, unsavory characters as you need for no fee. They're just happy to whip some ass.

Especially punk ass.

i thought about the camera thing. not so much the chainsaw, but definitely the camera.

i think i need this guy

I think it's your landlord. Beat her until she confesses.

If any of you homo's touches my stuff...

Oh, see, it's totally 180 for me. The chainsaw is the cake, man, and the camera is just icing at best. And make sure you check the body to see if he soiled himself first.

I really hate when people steal my shit.

Not to self - Never "borrow" Squirrgle's stuff.

I've been very lucky, but not exempt.

And this disproves Sgt Hartman's theory about locking up your stuff, doesn't it?

"If it weren't for dickheads like you, there wouldn't be any theivery, would there Private Pyle?"




Sir no sir?

I'm actually more in clined that it is your former neighbor's friends who may have helped them move than it being your actual former neighbor.....I've seen shit like this go down before and it has almost always been the people's loser friends who were the culprits...if your neighbors had wanted it they would have taken it a long time ago,.

drive around town until you find them and then...

true, but on the other hand, if I took something of my neighbors, especially something that you use outside, I would wait until I know I wouldn't see them again.