So I was listening to the new Big Star album in my room today (not very loudly either) and the kid in the room next door came over and told me to turn down the "weird surfer music." What kind of torture should I bring upon this toolbox for 1) being a jagoff, and 2) listening to POD and Limp Bizkit in his room while drinking fruit smoothies?

Discuss.

KRAMER: Look, just tell him you had sex with his wife. That'll kill him.

Well you should have been listening to a real Big Star album, anyways.. but just shove a screwdriver in his asshole. Really far, and really hard. Don't stop until blood trickles out, or chunks of skin come out.

Are you a freshman? Most of the freshman toolboxes in my dorm either flunked out or got kicked out for doing coke with the door wide open. You may be able to wait this one out.

It's a good idea, but since I'm a junior it probably won't work.

Oh and I was listening to real Big Star earlier in the day. I worked my way up to the new one.

I love Big Star. You made me want to listen to them, so I am now. I like some songs off the new one though.

The first half of the new record is good. But as I always say, a mediocre Big Star record is better then at least 75% of the new stuff out there.

Play D'Angelo's "Lady" very loud with the bass as high as it will go on repeat, all day, for several weeks.

Years later, he will still have that bassline burned into his brain, trust me. I didn't even live next door, there were two rooms between me and the offending party. They were cool guys, but goddamn that song got old.

You can also write NATURE BOY WAS HERE in doo-doo on his door, or the wall right outside his door.

Those "turn down your shit"/"no, turn down your shit" contests never end well.

what do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?

nothing you havent told her twice.




same applies to a toolbox.

Just tell him your dads Sicillian and you can do what the fuck you like.

Two words: Elephant Six

Like most problems, this can be solved with a bit of the ol' "one, two, punch-in-the-face".

Put Nair in his shampoo bottle.

slip a bag of cement in with his cycle next time he does his laundry.

Damn, Sketch. That cracked me up. Hell of a start to a Monday.

That just might be a fabulous idea. It's either going to be that or Billy Ocean's Get Out of My Dreams, Get Into My Car

Update:

Taking Elvis Fu's advice on dealing with the jagoff who lives next door to me, I have been playing D'Angelo's Lady very loudly around the clock. In addition, I threw a couple other songs into the mix:

New Edition Mr. Telephone Man
Bell Biv Devoe Poison
Elastica Mad Dog God Damn
Sugar Hill Gang Apache (Jump On It)

and the piece de resistance...
Junkyard Dog Grab Them Cakes

I'm pretty sure I've broken his spirits and that I've won this battle.

Jesus, that's pretty brutal, man.


Listening to "Poison" by Bell Biv Devoe just once makes me want to light my hair on fire.

WOW

I would leave your stereo on loud when you go to class.

i had a problem with noisy neighbors last night, but i put on my bathrobe and my dad voice and walked over there and they quieted down.

bears. colbert gets it.

I used to play 23 Beats Off - the feedback track - from In on the Kill Taker on repeat a whole lot to piss off the guys in the room next to mine. 'Cept I would spare myself the agony of the feedback and leave it on repeat for hours while I went to play frisbee.

And other things. I didn't much like dorm life (it was either the Dead or Phish on my floor).