So, my stepson turned twelve recently. Within the last few weeks, I think he's started jerking off, like, twice a day. I've seen him subtly smuggle my Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue out of the room twice since Monday. I've used "you're gonna go blind" and "it will come out of socket" already. He's a great kid, and it's really just funny to me, but it's bothering mom a bit. Need to slow him down. Suggestions?

Shit. I jerked off twice before work today.

Offer to show him how it's done.

What were you doing with a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue? Eh? Eh?

I haven't had kids so I probably shouldn't be saying anything, but I'd tell him to try to do it at night and be more discreet around his mother. If he has his own room, and you are cool with him locking himself away for a bit. Have him say something like I'm going to do homework and do the deed.

I think it's gonna bother mom whether he does it once a week or seven times a day. He sounds like a normal kid, maybe just advice him on discretion so his ma doesn't suspect the obvious.

And tell him about the internet and all of its treasures.

Sounds appropriate to me. Because Mom surely understands that this is normal for boys his age and you don't want to vilify the behavior.

Ouch. How'd that talk go, betwixt you and the mrs?

Get him a girlfriend he can have sex with.

I thought it was rather retro of him to head to the can with the SI swimsuit issue with all the glorious pornography of the internet merely microseconds away.

You got to work up slow or your balls will rot off.

SI, Fredericks of Hollywood, Madonna videos up to Playboy. If you jump straight to Hustler, Juggs, Crackwhore Confessions or Over 40 then you will get the bends.

Everybody Loves Raymond

Don't worry, it's only a phase.....

guys outgrow the jerking off mode when .....ummmm.....when they die....

discretion.

Sage advice.

Only if you two offer to sit by and drink his piss while we're at it.

SICKOS

Mrs: I think that *** is starting to masturbate.
Me: I'm sure he is. I mean, he just hit puberty. It's what we do.
Mrs: "What we do?"? So, when's the last time you did it.
Me: Uh, I can't really remember. It's been a long time, though.
Mrs: Try harder.
Me: I swear.
Mrs: (rolls eyes) Have a talk with him, please.
Me: OK

Police: Man Hides In Bathrooms, Drinks Boys' Urine
Man Previously Convicted Of Rape

COLUMBUS, Ohio -- A disturbing case was discovered Tuesday about a Central Ohio man who allegedly told police he likes to drink the urine of adolescent boys.


Hey, that's not me man. I haven't been near Ohio lately.

I haven't shown my son how to jerk off, either.

I can't wait til I have a son.

I think we were just saying maybe you should...