The talk being the one telling an employee to shape it up within 30 days or they're gone. This has to be the worst part of any type of management position. Granted I've done this before, but it's never much fun.

What really sucks is this person is 1)female, 2) very sensitive female, and 3)a very "hold a grudge and maybe set the building on fire" type. I'm kinda scared, cause this girl could easily kick my ass any day of the week.

Unstable females are always the best to give bad news to.

I'll at least have south pacific's sig playing in my mind while breaking the news...that should help.

Make her cry and then snap a picture with your cameraphone.

Post it.

There will be tears. My cameraphone isn't of the stealthy variety though, but I'll work on it.

Make sure you give her the news at the end of the day on Friday. That way if she sets any buildings on fire it'll probably be hers at home over the weekend.

the point is to NOT be stealthy.

Make that shit obvious.

Then she'll attack you. Then you can fire her AND press charges.

Fucking awesome.

this is pretty much my full time job. after a while you get desensitized to the crying. i am going to make an employee cry at 3 today. should be interesting.

This isn't fun. But you can at least be straight-forward with her. Lay it out gently but firmly, and most importantly *** Tell her what needs to happen if she wants to keep Dat Job. Even if it hurts.

After that, if she doesn't live up to it, it's on her, and you can get some sleep.

Cameraphone.

DAT CHECK, to be distinguished from gov't relief, which is DAT WELFARE.

SPEAK ENGLISH.

in this situation i recommend profanity wherever possible. make whoever youre giving the talk to think you just ate a shit sandwich.

its going to be on the phone. thats what makes my job hard (or easier, depending how you look at it) is that the company I work for operates in so many locations, a lot of the investigative or disciplinary meetings I have are over the phone.

bummer.

Can you use the Borat soundboard to fire her?

Maybe the Arnold Schwarzenegger one?

This is good, I may have to roll with this concept. Should I throw random objects around the room ala Bobby Knight?

Maybe I could choke a bitch?

This may be more entertaining than I thought. And it has to happen at the end of the day today.

...awesome.

If you're doing the Bob Knight method, I would recommend saving a soiled toilet tissue, and presenting it as an example of her work.

Make sure you measure out the length of the phone cord before the meeting. Its embarrassing if you try to throw you desk phone at someone and it snaps back before it reaches them.

Unfortunately, that would be pretty accurate example. Hence the meeting.

Noted.

if i was only a lawyer in the TX bar. . .

SNAP.

Also, accosting a company security guard would be a good demonstration of how angry her poor performance makes you feel. (See Knight, Bob, his attack against a Puerto Rican police officer during pre-Olympic '84 tournament.)