Once again, doctor and wife have emphasized the specific things I'm allergic to (sugar/yeast, etc.). Once again I'm trying to pay attention, as I want to live a few more decades and not be a miserable unhealthy bastard concurrent with that extra living.

But dammit. I LIKE booze.

I mean, I gave up everything else. Cake, ice cream, cigarettes, 5 dollar handjobs from glamorous Brazilian trannies, etc. I should be able to have one vice.

This is my dammit fuck dammit thread for Friday.

you gave up 5 dollar handjobs from brazillian trannies?!?!?! id rather be dead.

GLAMOROUS trannies.

Sheesh, I got standards, yah know.

I don't know, did you read that first issue of Fell

I so very much want a Guinness Draft right now. Even though I've got to get up for work in less than 6 hours, I could go for a dozen of them.

Mmmm...Guinness Draught...straight outta the tap. I'm craving now.

I just can't drink it. I think it might actually be health-inducing.

I can only have guinness with like a steak or something.

See, I'm so dried out I spelled it "draft."

Might as well start going back to church now. I'm done for.

It's the delirium, Phil. It's taken hold.

I'll probably start giving to charities and saying "bless you brother" soon.

Oh crap.

I'm with ya- the docs think I have Meniere's, so I'm not supposed to have have booze, salt (moderation's ok) or coffee.

The hardest part is figuring out which is the hardest to quit. Man, I miss that first cuppa joe in the a.m.

I feel for ya. Good luck with the tranny thing.

I think some days I exist solely on coffee, orange juice, and beer.

I could never give any of these up. Maybe the orange juice.

i cut out coffee on weekdays and only do green tea. also, my wife wants to quit drinking. i should probably kill myself.

Don't worry phil... colin, deena, and i smoke and drink enough for the entire population of New England.

What about bloody mary's? Does vodka have sugar or yeast? Tomato Juice should be healthy. And I sneak a shot of Guinness in there too. A shot won't kill ya.

How about mimosas? Orange juice should be healthy enough to hide the champagne.

Then there's rubbing alcohol, now don't laugh, but it'll do the trick. Just ask Mrs. Dukakis.

Bless you, brother

All alcohol turns into sugar in your system. Orange juice contains sugar too.

Phil's fucked.

I can handle fructose, fruit sugar. But processed sugar makes my body ache, affects my breathing and puts me to sleep.

Like a Norah Jones record, actually.

Poor guy. Time to switch to pot.

I'm also not supposed to have mushrooms because I have mold allergies. Also allergic to pet dander and pine sap.

Nothing with vinegar, nothing with fermentation.

The fact that I still weigh over 200 pounds is testament to my stupidity, considering what I'm not allergic to is not capable of packing on pounds.

That seems an odd one.

yea
doooo weed

then curl up with a book about glamourous trannies
or wikipedia

giving up booze = piece of cake
giving up piece of cake = i got problems

hast thou considered that maybe god wants you dead?

You'd like that, no?

Meanwhile, Shiv & Fu need a bit more time to put the last touches on their planning for the "Amber Holiday" that will follow from Frosted's passing. NO MCGRUFF OUTFITS ALLOWED.

Ya think?