woah, that's a lot of signatures:

120,229 Signatures Total

Poor kid. I'm gonna buy her a gun.

Tell ya something funny about this shit. If suddenly 1 million people bought The Garcade Fire, you'd all hate it...oh wait that kinda did happen, except it was Modest Mouse.

My point is, people like you (us?) NEED shit like Ashlee to show ya what's good, and help you feel superior.

I don't care either way about Ashlee. IGNORE HER, and she might go away.

by not buying her crap, I am ignoring her

"But timmyjoe, when you ignore me I get all pouty. You don't want that do you? What about all those good times we shared?"

This is the gun I'm going to buy for Ashlee. To shoot people with. It'll be awesome.

actually that fabric looks a lot like the couch the couch my roommate had in college

It looks exactly like a couch we had growing up that one day when we moved we stuck in our front lawn for people to take.

I'm going to now assume your roommate may have been the one to take it.

It's a relic from that mid-70s Harvest Period of American Interiors. We've all had that couch.

Oh, c'mon! If we got rid of all the Ashlee's of the world (and the Britney's, and whatnot), how would record executives get laid? It's not like anyone else would put out for them.

Our couch actually had wagons and wagon wheels with bushes around them as the pattern. It was tight. We were this close to getting our tuxedo's made from the fabric for his wedding until we found out how much that would cost.

You sir, are a genius.

Maybe I'm drunk, but she looks hott in that photo.

You're drunk tommy.

Either drunk, or middle-aged (I'm not drunk).

It's the gams. And the pouty, but interested, look on her face.

... Gams means tits, correct?*

* Can is euphemistic (I suppose the adj. applies) for ass, I know that, but what about gams?

and the fact that they didn't do a side profile showing her enormous nose

"Gams" means legs. At least it did when my dad was a kid.

Would have been easier to just raid Porter Wagoner's closet.