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 Post subject: The Budgerigar Incident (or Kon reviews the local newspaper)
PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 4:42 pm 
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One of the good things about living in a shithole is reading about all the mental cases and the slightly surreal reason that trigger the inevitable wave of weekly criminality. All the following stories were reported in this weeks local newspaper.

First off, I quite liked the DOG GOES MISSING AFTER ST. VALENTINE'S DAY RAID ON HOME in which masked men broke into a home and snatched Snuggles, a Maltese Terrier, from her owner. The distraught owner was quoted as saying "He is on medication for his liver and if anyone should see Snuggles they would have to shout his name really loud because he is deaf". Haste ye back, Snuggles.

ROW OVER JONESY WILL GO BEFORE THE BEAK was a reasonably amusing story about two "former business partners" engaged in a custody battle over an Eagle Owl ("Jonesy") which somehow resulted in a police SWAT team being called to Amazing Ponds and Gardens and an Eagle Owl taking up residence on the 19th floor of a East End tower block. Having read the story several times over, I'm not quite sure how.

It was also reported that 'cheeky' Motherwell Football Club supporters, (a support that it has to be said contains the odd 'scamp') spray painted the team coach of visiting side, Inverness Caledonian Thistle, with witty epithets such as "FUCK ICT" and "'Mon The Well". Conclusive proof that a) Motherwell are the best football team in Scotland and b) when street urchins approach you and say "£1 to watch your motor, mate" you better hand over the £1.

We all like a violent-feud-between-neighbours-story and the rather unwieldy headline MAN ACCUSED OF DRIVING OVER HIS NEIGHOUR WALKS FREE FROM COURT certainly provided it.

We were told "Mr Gallagher had been charged with repeatedly driving a car over Mr Glassford causing him to crawl out of the path of the car and over a wall to avoid being struck by the vehicle" But that didn't stop the tenacious Mr Gallagher. "Mr Gallagher was also said to have pursued Mr Glassford, seized his clothing, struggled with him, thrown him over a fence and punched him in the body all to his injury and the danger of his life."

According to the report "There had been bad blood between Mr Gallagher and Mr Glassford since around Christmas 2004 when Mr Glassford was accused of hitting Mr Gallagher’s girlfriend in the face with a hammer." Nice people.

Anyway, the story that really stood out this week was this one...

BUDGIE ROW KNIFE ATTACK YOUTH CAGED

A knife thug who stabbed a man with a kitchen knife after a row over a budgerigar was last week jailed for 42 months.

Paul Reynolds (18) was told by judge Lord Hardie that it was fortunate the incident hadn't ended in the death of his victim and a murder conviction.

During an earlier hearing, the court was told that a joke threat to wring a budgie's neck at a party led to Reynolds stabbing 24 year old Gary Edwards at the get-together in a house in Hamilton.

When party guest David Clements opened the budgie's cage, it pecked him and he pretended to throttle the bird infuriating its 22 year-old owner, Christine Bain, of Fleming Way, Hillhouse.

Miss Bain who was Reynold's girlfriend, punched Clements several times, bursting his lip and he in turn pushed her.

In a row following the budgie incident Reynolds, who was 17 at the time, clashed with Clement's pal Edwards.

Reynolds armed himself with a kitchen knife and plunged it five times into Edwards, twice in the chest, twice in the elbow and once in the jaw.

Edwards was rushed to hospital with internal bleeding and remained there for five days.

The court was told that police with protective shields later arrested Reynolds who was still in his girlfriends flat.

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He has arrived, the mountebank from Bohemia, he has arrived, preceded by his reputation.
Evil Dr. K "The Jimmy McNulty of Payment Protection Insurance"


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 4:49 pm 
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this is the type of quality post that i now expect semi-annually from darrin. awesome.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 4:53 pm 
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Fluke Breakthrough Single
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i always wondered what the word 'budgie' was derived from. thanks highlander


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 8:16 pm 
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Z Wrote:
this is the type of quality post that i now expect semi-annually from darrin. awesome.

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Are you kidding? I have no talents. Nothing. I was very well educated to be an idiot. And I was a very good student.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 8:26 pm 
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Gayford R. Tincture

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 12:22 pm
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Good stuff.

This beats just about anything I've read in the Blotter (local equivalent of wierd news taken from police reports).


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