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here is the beer you should be driking - wow
Laurelwood Strong Rye Ale
ABV: 8 percent, the equivalent 1.86 pints of Guinness.
Color: A shiny, transparent bronze, with a hint of red.
Taste: Classic elements of reds and rye—fairly bitter and hoppy, with a strong tang on the palate. Aggressive but pleasant.
Drinkability: Aye, anything with hair as red and bronze and as sweet as Molly Malone has its place in our collective hearts. It's got a nice little bite, which makes it perfect for continued sipping.
Available at Laurelwood Public House and Brewery, 1728 NE 40th Ave., 282-0622, $4.25/pint.
Deschutes Hop Henge IPA
ABV: 8.1 percent, or 1.88 pints of Guinness.
Color: As gold as the pot at the end of the rainbow.
Taste: Incredibly dry, with a hops explosion that whacks you in the back of the throat.
Drinkability: If IPAs are your fancy, you really can't go wrong. A traditional IPA done right.
Available at Horse Brass Pub, 4534 SE Belmont St., 232-2202, $4.75/pint; and Belmont Station, 4500 SE Stark St., 232-8538 $4.49/22-ounce bottle.
BJ's Whiskey Barrel Stout
ABV: 9 percent, or 2.09 pints of Guinness.
Color: Dark and opaque.
Taste: Malty sweetness, with a
whiskey-charcoal aftertaste.
Drinkability: A delicious blight on the land (not like that bastard that infected our pertaters). The longer BJ's Whiskey Stout stays in the barrel, the higher the ABV climbs! In its present state, it'll knock you on yer arse with its subtle sweetness. With time (and with each sip) it grows more delicious.
Available at BJ's Brewery, 12105 N Center Ave., 289-5566. $5.75/pint.
Oregon Trail Bourbon Porter
ABV: 9.1 percent, or 2.12 pints of Guinness.
Color: Oaky.
Taste: Nutty, with a bit of bourbon in the aftertaste.
Drinkability: Tis the white man's burden in a glass. Beer? Check. The sting of whiskey? Check. It goes down so easy you'll find yerself knee-deep in the marsh with nary a thought of consequence, fightin' and fuckin' anyone and anything in yer path.
Available at Belmont Station, $7.49/22-ounce bottle.
Hair of the Dog's Adam (Hearty Old World Ale)
ABV: 10 percent, or 2.33 pints of Guinness.
Color: Dark as night, with a thick froth resembling latte foam.
Taste: Tangy, with smoke and chocolate on the nose.
Drinkability: Deep, dark and thick. A great appetizer beer, or a chaser for some fine shepherd's pie, but too hearty to drink en masse.
Available at Belmont Station, $3.79/12-ounce bottle.
Hair of the Dog's Fred
ABV: 10 percent, again, 2.33 pints of Guinness.
Color: A cloudy amber, loaded with chunks of sediment (and globs of yeast).
Taste: A strong bite, slightly sweet. Surprisingly smooth, with a hint of maple. Light but with a heavy flavor.
Drinkability: Frightening. Could bring Mickey Rourke to his knees. The unique flavor—arguably downright weird—could be off-putting to the casual drinker, but the beer lover will likely quaff several without considering the after-effects.
Available at Horse Brass Pub, $4.75/pint; and Belmont Station, $3.79/12-ounce bottle.
Rogue Imperial Stout
ABV: 11 percent, or 2.57 pints of Guinness.
Color: Solid black, like the oppressive heart of King Henry II.
Taste: A nice, smooth stout with a hint of chocolate at the finish and a considerable punch.
Drinkability: Begorrah! Imperial Stout is incredibly easy to drink, and packs a helluva wallop. At a shenanigan-inducing 11 percent, Imperial Stout's spell is cast after just one pint, and the effects are debilitating.
Available at Rogue Ales Public House, 1339 NW Flanders St., 222-5910, $4.50/pint; and Belmont Station, $12.99/1-liter bottle.
Roots Epic Ale
ABV: 13.5 percent! The equivalent of 3.12 glasses of Guinness—it's so strong, Roots won't sell it in pints.
Color: Dark copper and red.
Taste: Surprisingly sweet and sugary.
Drinkability: Holy shite. Epic Ale is so incredibly tasty it's hard to imagine you're drinking something that's nearly 14 percent alcohol. One glass is a kick in the shalalee. But it goes down so incredibly easy you just can't stop. I just drank two, and I'm ready to fight every bastard in the room.
Available at Roots Organic Brewing, 1520 SE 7th Ave., 235-7668. $5/pint
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dumpjack: "I haven't liked anything he's done so far, but I'll still listen."
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