So this evening, while I was walking around teh local mall, my neighbor's son comes up to me and asks if I can help him out. He explained to me that he was trying to fix a broken panel inside his car and needed to buy some superglue at the local Walmart but the cashier asked him for I.D. and then refused to sell to him because he was underage (he turns 18 in two months apparently).

After discussing the options available (both his parents were out) I agreed to go into the Walmart with him and buy the damn glue but a different cashier refused to sell it to us so of course I got indignant about it and demanded to speak to the manager. So as we waited we talked about why this would be such a problem. I was thinking, "Well, April Fool's Day is tomorrow so maybe they don't want young adults buying glue to use for tricks" and my neighbor's son was saying that he heard of other kids putting superglue on door handles as a joke.

Anyways, the manager finally arrives and informs us in a snooty tone that Walmart will not be selling superglue to either of us...ever. When I asked her why she said that they didn't want to be responsible because they suspected we'd be using the glue to sniff and get high.


Shortly afterwards we drove back to the house, donned some white sheets and pointy hoods, and firebombed the Walmart out of existence. Later, we sacrificed a few dozen small animals in the parking lot before beginning a wild superglue fueled killing spree resulting in the death of four overweight men wearing velour tracksuits, two small dogs with matching cardigan sweaters, and a pregnant lady.

As I sit and type this from my jail cell I feel a certain calmness that comes with the satisfaction of resolution but I can't help but think that the local merchants were being a bit overzealous of late in their protection of the common man living in the suburbs.

Young fellow needs to use wood glue. Superglue's nothing but nostril grief and you're left with the evidentiary tube hanging there from your face.

Just call it a nose ring.

They sell it at CVS.

Surreal.

See, Walmart is just trying to help society out by keeping dangerous substances out of the hands of degenerates.

That's similar to when I got grilled with 20 questions by a cop that randomly stopped to harass me as I was walking from the car shop to the YMCA.

Why would you sell it if you're going to refuse it to an adult. Although, I would have suggested you going in alone to get the superglue instead of bringing the alleged snif-perp with you.

Honestly, you should talk to Rodney and Aaron to see what kind of lawsuit you could bring against them for that ridiculousness. What the hell do you look like that would make them think that you were gonna get high too? haha.

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I'm assuming you're over 21. So you're old enough to buy alcohol and cigarettes, but not superglue? That's rough.

I know. That's where we went immediately afterwards to purchase the dangerous $1.89 substance.