They want me to stay until October 30 due to an upcoming rate change, but my boss is feeling so bad about everything that he's not asking me to actually do much (he's doing a lot of if for me)... in fact, all I've done today is research for a new job.
He isn't making me take vacation days for job interviews, etc. He also keeps letting me know that since I just got back from medical leave, that if I don't feel like I can make it all day, just go home (work half-days). If I get a job in mid-October, he will let me use my vacation days to say that I technically worked through October (so I can get my severance & bonus).
Of course, tomorrow I have to lead a team (which is weird... making decisions for a future that I won't be a part of). Strange situation... I'm wanting to take control of all these teams that are going on, but I know I can't, so I don't. And two months from now, I won't even be here, so why am I feeling so guilty about not caring?
I guess I should just enjoy the two months of working, but not really being fully accountable. Should I feel guilty about not putting in a full effort? Or, as one of my older & wiser friends told me yesterday, "... you don't owe them anything anymore." Keep in mind that he said this because he knows that before my surgeries, I was averaging 11 hours per day.
Here's what will play out... I will put myself fully into things when I'm involved with teams, etc. But when my boss lets me free to look for a job, I guess I'll just do so while trying not to feel guilty. And I'm out the door as soon as 8 hours hits.
