Oh man, date from hell.

Perhaps in cold-light-of-day-bathed-retrospect my opening gambit should not have been to announce that she looked 'odd' and that her dress was 'wacky'. Of course I think 'odd' is a synonym of 'beguiling' and I like fashion risk-takers but there was clearly some kind of miscommunication in which she mistook my words as hard edged criticism.

As the already strained conversation developed she mentioned she had been out of the country for 10 years but refused to tell me why. For some reason I couldn't just leave it at that. I had to know, I had to ferret out the facts, I had to shine my torch of inquiry on a shadowy corner in which only horror lay. So I suggested that my pin sharp detective mind had deduced from various factors that she had had a relationship with a foreign gentleman which had failed, prompting her return home. This she denied.

I then said if no further information was forthcoming I'd just assume that she had been picked up as an enemy combatant in Tora Bora and had been wearing manacles and an orange jumpsuit for a number of years in Guantanamo Bay.

To this she replied "If you must know, my father was very ill and died". With this unexpected and shocking revelation my popularity had taken a further downturn and I started to feel slightly envious of the father. Of course, a mans death has much more serious consequences than spoliating any enjoyment I might have cultivated on a particular Saturday night but still, the empirical data being fired at me like darts of poison from across the table were making for a less than stellar experience.

However, the touch of the genius of death is but a mere trifle compared to criticizing someone's favourite film. She mentioned that her favourite movie was 'The Shawshank Redemption'. I felt by this stage that I was getting a handle on her personality. Here before me was a woman that did not like to be confronted by harsh truths so I respectfully decided to tone down my actual opinion of the said movie. I said it was a 'proposterous and ridiculous film' but decided to censor myself by leaving out that I felt it has so many gaping holes in the plot only an idiot could ignore them. There was no pleasing this woman, even with watered down assessment.

It was a yet another case of 'I should have known better' gleaned from previous experience. I've noticed Shawshank Redemption fans seem to be somewhat fundamentalist. The idea that I was merely giving my honest opinion and perhaps trying to prompt her into explaining why she liked the movie so much had apparently passed her by and done nothing but provoke a seething rage. Shawshank Redemption just was the best movie of all time, carved in stone by some almighty hand like the commandments of Moses; she was not about to debate the issue.

Desert was eaten quickly and silently by both parties, albeit with some relief on my part that the knives had been taken away and that she only possessed a spoon.

The evening ended with a barbed thank you and a comment about me 'making friends and influencing people'. At least the night ended with a laugh. A contemptuous laugh from her, at me, expelled into the cold night air in a similar styled snort to that which a Roman emperor might produce when giving the thumbs down to a wounded and doomed gladiator.

Funnily enough I think it went so badly she might see me again but I've probably as way of the mark as ever.

Yikes.
This post makes me glad that I'm married.

"and that my friend...is what not to do on your first date with a lady when you're released from prison"

Wow, that just sounds awful.

holy shit, hahahahaha

You should have gone all in and asked her if she wanted to "Taste your ass"?

what the hell?

Fantastic post.

Shoulda taken it out.

You sound as terrible as she does

Yeah, I hope you aren't fishing for any sympathy here, because you come off as a pompous douche bag who committed some major blunders while on a date.

Your a complete asshole to criticize a person's movie taste on the first date. If you don't share the same opinion as them and like something completely different you can tell them that, but to attempt to strike up an intellectual debate with someone you really hardly know about their favorite date is asinine and rather crude.


What I want to know is why you would even consider going on a date with this person without knowing some of there interests? If you didn't genuinely care for what her interests are and were just looking for ass, why you resorted to douchebaggery?

Yeah, people should really take dating advice from Promethium.

I wasn't advising anything skeletor.
If I can ignore a woman saying her favorite band is something along the lines of Creed or how much she likes Grey's Anatomy, and allow the first and only date to end without any truly awkard moments, then anybody can.

Were my actions more offensive than calling someone a "pompous douche bag" and a "complete asshole"? I'm just wondering since you seem to be the master of social etiquette to whom all should defer. You know, such is the respect I have for you, I'll happily doff my cap to your pronouncement but curiosity insists that I ask in much the same way that I had to get to the nub of the '10 Year' question.

I readily admit that I misjudged the situation which was unfortunate but I think you'll find I didn't say anything condemnatory about the woman in question except that she was immovable on 'The Shawshank Redemption' - if such a thing counts as condemnation. Anything else was intended to highlight my own flawed response when it all started to cave in. It was a bad night and the only thing left to salvage from it was the humour of the situation where two people who don't really want to be together continue to ride out some social convention till the end. Apparently this nuance passed you by but I could only speculate as to why that might be the case. It may not have been clear enough to pick up on although others seem to have done so.

As for your other criticisms I was under the impression, which may be utterly wrong, that a date was a situation in which you could find out whether you shared common interests with someone by engaging on a one to one basis. By my reckoning if those facts had already been established before hand we would have gone out as friends or as a couple or not at all.

The 'looking for ass' comment is curious and poses the question "where exactly did you extrapolate that from?" It's so unrelated to anything I wrote that it can only be some kind of subconscious outburst on your part.

Brevity

so what are you issues with Shawshank

this is a piss poor date story.

tell it to your madrasah, asshole

I read what he posted. I want more detail, unless this is the type of criticism that shoots holes in the "science" of Star Trek.

There was one real mistake here that other have missed.

Never do dinner on a first date.

Stick with 'meeting for a drink / coffee', you would have saved yourself over an hour and probably $50

kl - I bet if she read your recount you'd get another date. Sorry sir, been there and been that awkward before, and so it goes. At least you're fully aware of humor in the mishaps. It seems at the end you both were laughing. And Gar's statement was not so off in a "might as well" for the laugh, although "a shag" may have been less offensive.