So a very close friend of mine (known him since we were 6) is getting out of fucking hand with drugs. Xanax and crack. Stays up all night, misses work, always broke, etc.. I'm thinking about calling his family, but I'm not sure how to really go about telling them.

He doesn't listen to me when I tell him he's on the verge of losing his job and that he's fucking up big time.

Anyone every been in a similar situation? How would you approach this.

Talk to his family...
He may hate you, feel you betrayed him. That is the drugs controlling his mind.
When he is 'saved' and comes to his senses, he will understand, you came from a good place...
but you SHOULD tell someone in his family!

you may want to go to a meeting for the narcotics equivalent of al-anon. it's a great resource. also, as noted above, tell someone you know in his family. (i'd guess you know someone else if you've known him since 6.)

Yup, been through it and still deal with it with close family members..You can only do so much, contacting his family may help..But he is an adult and will do what he wants..It will take him to hit bottom in order to realize what the hell he is doing..If anything, step back and maybe not have contact with him for a bit so you don't drive yourself nuts..It sucks dude, I know..But he needs to make the change, you can't do it for him..Good luck. Support him if he wants help, no doubt..But if he does not, you can't force him.

Oh yeah, been there done that. I've had one of my "friends" steal from me to support his heroin habit. He took my acoustic guitar and my room mates x-box. We couldn't ever prove it but he was our next door neighbor, and it happened when he knew we would be gone for an hour. I would go to the family. I've learned from way too much personal experience that trying to convince a drug addict to quit by yourself is nigh impossible. Crack is a bitch, in college my downstairs neighbor was a crack head, if I had ever any desire to do hard drugs that ended it. The biggest mess of a person I've ever known.

If you tell his family chances are he'll hate you, at least in the short term. If you don't do something about it then it will be worse for everyone. I've grown to hate some of my former friends, especially the one who stole from me, over their problems.

One of our best friends - the infamous Scotty D - struggled HARD with alcohol. The dude stayed obliterated for @ 10 years, and got continually worse. RIght about the time I started talking about an intervention, his family stepped in and sent him to rehab. It was a good thing for him, and while he is not 100% clean and sober, he hasn't had a drink in over a year, and is back in school, and has a job lined up with his brother.

yeah, it REALLY sucks man. i'm finding myself getting pissed at him, and annoyed at his behavior. like "dude, snap the fuck out of it".

i'm going to call his mom. just don't know how specific i should be.

I would be very specific. If your going to call, then the mom deserves to know the full extent. I know it feels like snitching to some extent, but it's in his best interest. Addiction changes people, if you want to have the same friend that you know now, then you should act soon.

agreed. don't sugarcoat it or maybe she won't take it seriously enough. but if things are this bad, she may have an inkling already. just like in an intervention, you have to be specific with how bad it is, why you're bringing it up, etc.

what others said... understand that its possible you will lose his friendship temporarily- and if he doesnt get better then permanently. Tough love - esp. for crack. Oh and yeah be specific - scare those around him with reality, because there will always be the likelihood that they wont want to believe its a problem..

Wasn't (or isn't) one of those guys on meth too for a while, but like totally functioning, holding down a job and family, etc? Can't recall who that was, or if I imagined it. I DO remember someone telling me a story about being holed up in Athens in someone ele's house for days, high as fuck, and looking at a turd on the couch one day and not really knowing if it was from the dog (who they hadn't let out of the house the whole time) or if one of them did it.

Been through a lot of these situations and I'm pretty much a hard ass about it. I will ditch people who can't get their shit together and let them know that eventually if they hit bottom and wanna get their shit together I'll be their friend and help. But, I'm not into hanging around and watching people fuck themselves up, lie to me and steal my shit. Sometimes the best thing you can do is step out of the way and let everything turn to shit enough that they see the light.

Letting other people who care about them know what's going on isn't a bad idea. Just don't necessarily expect he will listen to a damn thing they say if he's in too deep.

Just one perspective and different addict are different. Just seems most of the ones I've been around needed to learn things the hard way.

yeah, i'll be contacting her this evening.

and thanks for the help with being specific guys. sound advice, and i appreciate it.

And yeah, if you're gonna go to his family, tell them the real deal. They need to take it seriously.

I did this last year when my buddy didn't show up to Sébastian's 1st birthday party because he was too high on crack. I then let him back into my life after he apologized. I was too cool about it.

Dale - someone needs to step in and do something. I don't agree with Obgoblin's "sit back and wait" approach. Dude's an addict and he's gonna have to figure out a way to check that behavior or find a healthier addiction. Crackheads aren't known for turning it around themselves.


I had a cokehead/then rehabbed roommate in college who called my parents about my drug use. I don't hold it against him, but I know his tattletale was from a place of self-righteousness at the time. Shortly after I was placed on academic probation and had to spend the next 8 months in my hometown, away from my friends while they went out to places like Sun Valley, ID and Innsbruck, Austria. Sucked balls, but I eventually got my shit together.

Man, if I was a parent and someone like Dalen phoned me to say that my kid was a fuck-up I'd have to kill it.

do you have to be a shitbag in every thread.

Take it easy, dumbie - that was work slang for "my condolences".

Unless the family's severely dysfunctional and will somehow make things worse, they should be informed. And if its crack/narcotics, you should keep him at arm's length. I've been in mental wards with addicts and have heard their stories. If you think that he holds you in such esteem that he'd never fuck you over, you're wrong--especially if he goes broke. He'll feel guilty about it, but he'll still do it. You can stay in contact, but set up and maintain some personal boundaries. If you feel stuck, Al-anon programs can help you with the enmeshment.

You can hope he recognizes the problem before he completely ruins his life, but Obgoblin's right--ultimately you have to accept that you're going to have to sit back and wait. Rehabs, treatments, support groups and interventions won't do anything until he gains enough perspective to believe that there's a problem worth doing something about. Up until then, all you'll get is excuses and rationalizations.

Out of all of our friends, I am definitely the tamest, so I think they'll be glad to hear it from me.

Thanks again for the help dudes.

Dale, tell his fam as quickly as you can. Seriously. Dude could be dead in a month. You never know. He needs intervention, and fast.

The answer to the meth question: Frank was f'd up on meth for a while, but he got his shit together eventually (longer story than I want to tell here)

The second story could be anyone -- I've holed up in TONS of places for days at a time -- but it certainly was not me or any of my friends.

calling his mom in the am. finally got her #.

found out he's been letting the drug dealers take his car out, giving him dope.