I got a phone call out of the blue a couple of days after a show my band played about a month ago from some guy I've never heard of who books for this new venue that's opening. He saw our set and dug it and wanted to know if we'd like to play the opening party for the venue in April. I was rather hungover at the time of the call and he woke me up and I just said OK without even asking who else would be playing, $$$ and other relevant questions of that nature.

So a couple of days ago I get an invite to the show on facebook and check out the poster, and headlining it is some electroslut trash whore who came fifth in Australian Idol last year or something. Think Ke$ha singing karaoke ballads over a dance beat and you're getting close.

We are a trashy droney country-tinged garage band, that plays slow, loud jams that you can't dance to. Clearly this booking guy is completely fucking insane.

Part of me is saying, just pull the plug you silly fucker. Exposure is alright, i guess, but you gotta draw the line at sharing bills with fucking Idol contestants, don't you?

Another part is saying, go for it son, the cash will be good, and playing to a crowd of people who will hate us outright might be good for something, or for a laugh, or a fight, if nothing more.

What to do?

Do it. You're a smart kid with a bright future probably not playing music. Use this opportunity to righteously blow people's minds.

Also, cover "I Saw An X Ray Of A Girl Passing Gas"

might as well do it and get paid. what do you have to lose except your dignity and credibility

Totally. Come out and destroy people's minds. I recommend strong drink and massive drugs.

Don't worry about the odd billing pairing. What I would worry about is the details you forgot to ask while hungover--namely the $$ part.

Well we normally play shows at venues run by a consortium of junkies, so the whole "getting paid" thing doesn't happen half the time anyway. As such, the financial aspect of playing this show doesn't really matter to me. Or maybe that makes it matter more. I don't even know any more.

Sometimes odd billings work in your favor as someone is there against their will and is overly grateful for you. And an opening night will be more about a party than music anyway. Play and have a blast.

Take the cash, don't let them pay you in kind. Take the cash, before they change their minds. And let's see the color of their money.

After you play, start a brawl ... watch roadhouse if you need visual exemplars.

Make sure you appreciate the humor of each minute.

do the gig, fuck the slut

Find out what song the other act is going to play and play it before them. That way when they play it the audience will realize how much more awesome you are.

is Obner wisdom an oxymoron?

Winner!

Don't draw the line anywhere. Play wherever someone will let you. And if fate is kind to you and your band makes it one day, this show will be a great chapter in some book about Australian indie music in 2010.

Seriously, Fuck It, play the fucking gig no matter how ridiculous. get super fucked up and get kicked out.

When the Butthole Surfer's started, their sole goal for their first few shows was to get the entire audience to walk out. Seems like things worked out alright for them.

do it


in the nude

Do a cover song of the main act as your last song, and then piss yourself onstage while throwing your shit around.

Go for it. Obviously, if this guy saw you play, he knows what he's in for. Do it. Get paid, and enjoy the exposure.

Consensus whore

seriously dude, suck a man's dick on stage. please. then play the show of your life

Yeah - if nothing else, do it for the story.

Which one is she?

http://www.australianidol.com.au/idols.htm

Absolutely play the show, especially if you don't care about the money.

My advice is to always work out the details upon booking. So many bands don't do this and bring all their fans to a show that charges a cover, or is worthy of a guarantee, then they don't see a dime, and they have no idea where the money goes. Even if there's not much money to be made, it's still worth it to always find out who's getting what and know what's going down.

Second from the right.