I was 6 years old but I remember the events well. It was probably the first news story I actually followed and I had a genuine sense, despite my young age, of the sense of shock and disbelief.
Since then I've always connected strongly to John Lennon not in the sense that he was a musical genius or an icon of cool or a music rebel or any of those cliched ways. I connected with him because he was a failed product of the British class system.
His mixed upbringing, working class roots and a middle class home environment was the mirror of my situation but the result was the same. You fall between the cracks in the system on which a whole society is run. Lennon didn't belong, he was a pariah, or at least felt like it, and a wounded one at that. He simultaneously had contempt for everything around him and yet all he ever wanted was to accepted and loved as a human being by the very people he despised. It was a forlorn hope ; even more so after he became a star.
Behind the press conference quips and the rock n' roll swagger was a life of anguish that often manifested itself in self destruction, violence, self loathing and a complete lack of a sense of self identity. Consequently he flirted from one thing to the next ; homosexuality, heterosexuality, LSD, alcohol, spiritualism, atheism, hedonism, reclusiveness, political activism, cynicism. None of it ever fitted. He may have been a great talent but he was destined by forces more powerful than any individuals free will to suffer a sort of chronic disconnection from everything.
Ultimately, that's why I identify with John Lennon more than any other artist, perhaps even any human being. He carried the curse of the Nowhere Man and nothing could change that, no more than you can alter your ethnicity or skin colour - he was utterly vulnerable, dependent on others for any hope of happiness. It's interesting that when Lennon finally found the love he was looking for it was with a foreigner, someone untainted, unaffected by British class distinctions.
The Beatles used to cover 'Crying, Waiting, Hoping'. I suspect it was John Lennon's choice.
_________________ He has arrived, the mountebank from Bohemia, he has arrived, preceded by his reputation. Evil Dr. K "The Jimmy McNulty of Payment Protection Insurance"
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