"The details of my life are quite inconsequential.... very well, where do i begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it."

-Dr. Evil

Cracks me up every time.

More specifically, "Evil Species."

Satan's come out with his own edition of Trivial Pursuit???

I think I'll stick with Evil Phylum. Back me on this, Chuck D.

God, this thread was MADE for Chuck D. Where's a biologist when he's needed most?!

Ahem. I could wax biological, if so persuaded.

This kills me everytime. It reminds me of one of my supervisors, who in all seriousness has claimed at one point or another that he:

1) Invented 911 (or was part of the team that did)
2) Invented 'Bits 'n' Bites' (the snack food, the concept of several goodies in one bag)

I really could write a book on the megalomaniacal ravings of this man. Just when you've thought you've heard it all, he tells you he was a ninja spy.

Knew a kid in highschool / college who always a had a special "chip" in everything. He had a sporty new car, so did another friend of ours - same year, model, etc. When someone mentioned it, he said his was faster because he had a special chip. Ok, ok, so maybe he bought an engine performance mgmt chip, right? One day he throws a party at his apartment, and I notice he has the same EQ on his stereo that I have. I mention it, and he says, "Oh no, mine's better, because it has a special chip in it." I ask, "how can it be better... it's an EQ?" He says his makes his stereo louder, thanks to the chip. I say "it's in the pre-amp section... that's not where the real volume comes from." He changes the subject. Since then, the occasional joke goes along the lines of "yeah, but my beer tastes better,... cuz it's gotta special chip in it."

Same kid told us all for over a year he was in law school, turned out to be in a smaller college down the road with a generic major. It was kinda depressing.

This made me laugh, man these guys are everywhere. I wonder what made him go on about the special 'chip'. Do they not realize that eventually their bullshit will hit the wall when confronted by someone who knows a little bit more?

Also with mine, mention someone famous? He's met them. John Lennon? yep. Janis? Yep. Joe Cocker? Yep. He even suggested to the latter that he never change his singing style and credits Joe's success to his encouragement.

I wish I was embellishing a bit, but I'm not. Thanks for the chip story though, it makes me happy knowing others have had people like this in their life.

There's this one guy who knew every band before you did (especially british bands) and would always try to throw that out to win arguments.

weird.

I've got nothing . . . except for an as-of-yet unnamed species of salamander sitting on my desk right now. He's cute.

I could wax on about binomial nomenclature for a bit, I guess . . .

but I'd really rather quote the aforementioned evil "Genus" . . . . "Hug?"