Ok. I think I might have fucked myself, but I have a tendency to overreact.

That being said, I'm a good student. Albeit, not a wealthy one. I made the deans list at Portland State, I am going to a community college right now (the biggest school in Oregon)...and it's getting more expensive. I'm a fulltime student (but minimum amount of credits as such with 12). I'm taking a Writing 122 class, which isn't required, but it's just like part two of english comp.

I'm doing really poorly. The class is relatively simple, but I'm struggling. It's basically "read a few of these essays by renowned authors and then write papers about them"...just like every writing class. The only problem is, for the first time in my life...I can't write. And to top it off, I'm a perfectionist, so if I start a paper, and it sucks...I'll scrap it. (Which I have done). It's gotten to the point where I'm skipping class now (I think I've almost reached the limit to the amount I can skip without 100 percent fucking up. I have this paper that is late, and it's worth a lot. Blah blah. I don't plan on going tomorrow.

Here's the dilemma: I want to drop the class (even though a refund is out of the question, I don't want a D or F on my transcript)...but I can't. Because living with a single mom, she is kind of depending on me right now, because if I'm not a fulltime student, she doesn't get child support. And that's a lot of money we need for the few months until next fall.

You guys will probably say "tough it out, start writing, do your best"...but I really can't. Whether it's a mental block or work getting in the way, or just me depising what I'm doing...I really can't get started.

Is getting an F on my transcript going to screw me over forever or is it not that big of a deal? I'm doing well in my other 3 classes, so they are not a problem. And I think I made the realization today that I want to be a history teacher. (I've been going for teaching, but could never figure out course..)

Anyway. Long post. Sorry. Just looking for some guidance, as a good number of you are well educated, or at least nice and respectful when giving advice, especially to such an awesome youngin like me

So, yeah. help?

i've got three F's on my transcript and it don't make no never mind. where it's gonna hurt you is when you have to apply for scholarships, awards, anything to distinguish yourself. you just have to realize right now that being absolutely mediocre because it was too hard for you is where you want your life to go and you'll be fine.

fuck it dude, just give me the topics and i'll spend the 16 minutes it would take to get you a B.

you'd have to read these essays or whatever.

you said that they were authors of some renown. i guarantee you that there's someone on this board who's either read every one or will pretend to have. there's like 7 engligh majors reading this board RIGHT NOW.

plus you'd have to like relate them to my life.

look, the short version is that i flunked a bunch of classes, i had the luxury of dropping out a bunch of times, and then i went and got arrested a few times for spice and i'm doing fine. there's no shame in dropping out if you're not trying, going to fail, and you're willing to get a fulltime job to help out. otherwise failure will haunt you forever, not so much in terms of your transcript and future employment but in that you'll know that you gave up. that hurts the most.

but i can't drop. i'd rather fuck myself over than my mother.

I got an F in a one unit class because I decided it was bullshit and stopped going, too late to drop. Anyway, it was only one unit so it didn't affect my GPA too much and I still got in to grad school too. Maybe it helped that the F was in a geology lab which was not even close to my major.

that's right, you can't. so if you want to flunk it for no reason whatsoever, go ahead. HOWEVER, i would caution you to make sure that you're aware of the possibility that you may have emotional issues that are manifesting themselves in your feelings of apathy and disillusionment. if that's so then you should speak to a school counselor (and see if they've got any of those sweet, sweet drugs that they can prescribe you).

the reason you can't write is because you're feeling the pressure.

relax do your best to finish the paper, and pass it in, even if it's not "perfect" in your eyes.

sounds to me like you need to put music on hold for a bit.

well and i work right after school for like 6+ hours. and all my classes have a ton of reading and writing. and i hate staying up till 3 every night to write.

see if your employer will let you cut back on work a bit to catch up on some much needed study time.

well, skipping the crass is going to do fuck all for you. He's right, if you aren't really trying/not getting anything out of this class, then drop the fuck out of it. If you think there's a chance you can finish this with a passing grade then beat the hell outta yourself in trying to prove that to the teacher of the course. If you want some help/ideas/themes, i'd put up the writers and essays and i'm sure you can get something out of it.

it's been in my experience that the paper you start writing is never the paper you end up finishing. As long as you can finish it then you can go back and tinker with it until you feel it's acceptable.

i just got employed a few weeks ago. i work less than anyone there. and i need the money to pay for some shit. and im leaving them in june when i leave for camp.

what are the essays?

i had a 3 hour night class my first semester. it was tough, and I wantedto drop it, but i didn't because I thought I could pull it around. I didn't, realized it was a waste of my time, and stopped going. I passed the posted scores outside the doorway one day and saw that I was holding a cool 24%. 4 credit hours. F. but I brought it back around and ended the semester fine, and my collegiate career dandy.

so, if you know you're fucked, get out immediately. if you don't, bust ass to make up for it.

i wrote a first draft, but then i have to edit the fuck out of it. and add a ton of shit. and im not going to do it.

it has to connect these ideas of mary louise pratt (contact zones), richard rodriguez (scholarship boy), and james baldwin (ideals you hold yourself to).

i have to connect the ideas together and talk about how they meet up with me and the way i read and learn and stuff.

it's really broad and lame. but ugh. dalen's right. im feeling the pressure, but i really dont want to do this again.

did you read the essays? ignore the pressure, that's beside the point. if you decide to stay in the class, present yr case to the teacher, who i'm willing to bet will work something out for you.

One F isn't going to keep you out of a teaching program. Physics at MIT, sure. But you aren't interested in that so fuck it. Also, one F is always free if you incorporate it into your story of My Struggle To Better Myself (heavy load, working way through school, dealing with some stuff), perhaps in your interviews or essays. It's the F's throughout the transcript that hurt. Plus, you'll be able to tell students you understand what it is to have a real hard time connecting with a course.

I'm in real danger in my last class ever this quarter and you know what? They're signing off on me anyways.

Oh shit. How old are you? Apparently I plagiarized your biography.

But, if you don't want the F, ask teach if you can write a couple of extras and just do it. Here's how. Read the essays. Make some notes. Write a shitty, broad introduction just to get started, i.e. 'Mankind has never unraveled the mysteries of class consciousness. X, Y and Z explore this in their autobiographical essay in blah, this and that.'. Then write a page a day. Let it suck if you need to, you'll go back to it. Let it sit for a day or at least a few hours. Re-read it and make big, obvious changes that jump out at you. Spell check, hand that puppy in. Take your B and smile big because it's just not your priority and that's good enough.

the lady speaks the truth.

anyway guys. had a talk with my mom, apparently i am allowed to drop it. we're calling in tomorrow. because i took like 16 credits last term, and 13 the term before that, I'm actually still considered a full-time student if i take 9 this term or something, because it averages out. idk.

i hope that is the case.

before you drop it...

at cincinnati, there was a way to convert a class that you were taking to be either a pass or fail grade, which would allow you to still get the credit hours, and not receive an F.

I compare it to getting a walk in baseball. It doesn't help your batting average, but it doesn't hurt it either, and it gets you one step closer to home.

The catches at Cincinnati were that you could only use something like 3 "passing" grades towards graduation, and some colleges only let you submit the request in the first couple of weeks of the quarter. I got by that, because my architecture college would only let me convert this engineering class i was taking to pass fail in the first 2 weeks, but the engineering college had no time limit, so I filed it thru the engineering college instead of the architecture one.
I had to get the college to sign the form, and then the teacher, and then the teacher would just submit a passing grade. He was very sympathetic to my situation and was actually very excited to have an architecture student in his class as he felt we should have more overlap, so he was more than happy to pass me as long as I kept coming to class and participating and trying.

yeah we have a similar system.