SOURCE

Wimp Daddy
Indie rock is single-handedly responsible for the emasculation of the American man.

by Steven Wells

Philadelphia Weekly

A recent New York Times article pointed out that Coldplay are "insufferable." This is true. The same article also claimed Coldplay's whiny muzak has particular appeal to "moony high school girls."
While this is also true, it kinda detracts from the fact that Coldplay's core demographic-as with all indie bands-is micro-penised misogynist milksops, the sort of spiritually acned freaks who alphabetize their record collections and hate proper pop, because girls like proper pop and girls are smelly.

On behalf of the people of Great Britain I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for Coldplay. I'd also apologize for U2-unarguably the worst band ever-but they're Irish and therefore not my responsibility.

Okay, so it's true we limeys have got a lot to be proud of. For decades we took American music, gayed it up and then sold it back to you all shiny, new and improved. The Beatles, punk rock, acid house and heavy metal were all wonderful byproducts of this fruitful cross-Atlantic symbiosis.

But they're all negated by the hideous combination of self-indulgent emotional scab-picking and jingly-jangly guitar that is indie. Indie is rock that's afraid to rock. It's pop stripped of all fun, joy and sex. Indie, in short, is the musical equivalent of vegetarianism.

The Smiths started the rot way back in the '80s, but Morrissey-long thought to be buried at some crossroads with a stake through his vile black heart-put out a new album just last year. And Teenage Fanclub-the undisputed nabobs of shit-pop-have recently risen from the undead.

Indie has also given us those frankly rather pedestrian Knack sound-alikes the Kaiser Chiefs and Franz Ferdinand. Indie begat emo (whining punks) and nu-metal (whining metalers).

In fact-thanks to Morrissey and the herd of lip-chewing limey pantywaists that trailed in his gladioli-strewn wake-every baggy-arsed teenage tosspot on the planet now thinks he has the right to drone on and on about every single person who's ever looked at him funny, suggested he wear trousers that fit properly or laughed at his stupid haircut.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for Travis, Alfie and Turin Brakes. I'm especially sorry for Badly Drawn Boy. If I had a time machine I'd travel back and run Morrissey over as he walked to that Smiths audition. But I don't. And so the plague of what Joey from Slipknot once so eloquently described as "retarded fucking dudes that are fucking depressed" continues unabated.

You may have kicked British ass in 1776, but they've retaliated by poisoning the souls of your male children. And if that's not worth a war, what is?

this guy was obviously not alive in the 1970s

The answer to this question is Phil Donahue and Alan Alda.

Slipknot quote. Must be true.

Not to worry. . .Toby Keith is helping to keep American men's reputation as ass-kickers in check.

i'm embarassed that came from philadelphia.

Oh, shut up and fuck off.

Not you DayStar-the author

Although, this does remind me. Who is the Obner member that on occassion spouts off about the British fundamentally not "getting" R&R?

Not looking for a fight, just curious.


Steve

Is this the same Steven Wells that wrote for the NME about 10 years ago?

If so, he's from Glasgow and he's a total arsehole. Seriously he's even above Tony Parsons on my 'Most Loathsome Cunt To Ever Get Published' list.

Oh right... before Morrissey in the 1980s fey, poncey musicians just never existed.

Chopin anyone?

[img][160:200]http://www.geerts.com/images/painters/scheffer-chopin.jpg[/img]

...And of course the prototypic musician, is male, straight, meat-eating and a completely insensitive... it's more "realistic" because that's how all music fans are, or at least should be.

Um-hum.

Ugh. I'm so mad now!! I hate Steven Wells so much!! I thought he was out my life forever and now this!!!

That was the thesis I had to defend to get my Obnoctorate. Incidentally, Coldplay are a case in point.

Is Coldplay indie? Really?
Other than his complaint what is he saying here. I'd like to know examples of
what he wants to hear. BRMC? More Duran Duran? Howard Jones?

Oh... and I suppose listening to The Stooges, The Rolling Stones, and Led Zepplin as often as I do will result in my immediate "masculinization".

I actually had a few members in mind and you weren't one of them. But, now it all makes perfect sense.

Steve

I've noticed you've "butched up" lately.

yes. as am i.


also, i wasn't aware that indie rock was comprised entirely of effeminate british bands.

this should've been written about emo, who the fuck even knows who Alfie is in this country?

I think he successfully managed to list one actual indie band in that whole article.

An entertaining read, even if he's wrong.
Twee pop doesn't rock, but that's kind of the point.

Ditto.......

I certainly wish I didnt..

and as always it seems he confused 'indie' as sound with 'indie' as independent label artist...

i never thought i would miss the journalistic direction of joey sweeny.

U2?


As for the article. I didn't even get the real link to the title with the exception of the last sentence where he talks about the symbolic castration or what have you...The guy sounds like an idiot. He just makes referrences about music and influences that I think he just heard somewhere. But, what I don't get is: why is he so angry about it? I think he has "micro-penised" envy.

Pitchfork writer wannabe? I didn't think there was such a thing...

please don't get me started on Sweeney. there are issues at work there.

<--- Just bought her first swiss army knife (inspired by Obner) and maglite.

<-- Probably getting a tattoo next week

heh heh

ahahahha. thanks, that made me almost spit coffee on my computer. hilarious!

i used to get mad about articles like these, now i find it entertaining. but i'm sorry, who is alfie?