*edit*

You HAVE to humiliate her.

I guess I would blatantly do so if I wasn't on a recorded line. Surely there's still a subtle way to do it.

"Mister, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna kick 100% of your ass!"

np: John Vanderslice - "They Won't Let Me Run"

My head's about to explode with my "client's" requests... I work in IT, so basically everyone in the company is my "client." I won't bore you with details, but let's just say could I, for one DAY, please not get a request for a friggin Blackberry??? And it's always a convoluted request: "I need it yesterday." I order a device. "Oh, did I tell you I wanted the one with the full keyboard? I changed my mind." Reject delivery of previous order. "My Blackberry's on the fritz... can you send one with Madame X when she comes to Abu Dhabi TOMORROW???"

And then to top it off, I was trying to order a publication from a state agency in Idaho, that I'd ask for via email a week ago. Hadn't gotten any response. I email them back this week and am like, "What gives?" I get an email back saying "Call this person." I do, last night. Leave a message. Come in, have a message waiting for me today: "I've tried calling you 3 times and you have yet to return my call." BULLSHIT. Today was the first day she left a message. And I could tell by her raspy nervous laugh on the other end of the line when I called her on it that she was a hillbilly smoker too.

i'm not going to incriminate myself by saying anything about our clients... but let me just say it isn't easy dealing with music biz people.

rarararara! argh.

EDIT: deleted because that certificate warning is a pain in the neck

I know, Billz, I know.... welcome to my world. Although I think it's pretty true of many jobs. Or as we say around here at times: RTFM.

Send her fucking check back.

oh jesus, I have to deal with people who get pissed if their precious manicures and pedicures are canceled due to an emergency on our end.

It disrupts their day when the nail tech's son has to be rushed to the hospital, and now she's at home with him for a couple days.

Not kidding, we had to cancel two days worth of appts this week and the people were complete asses about it.

THIS is why I cannot WAIT to go on maternity leave in a couple months. Absolutely CANNOT wait!!

I have customers who like to give me advice. I don't remember asking for it but they think I really need to hear something. I think I should listen so I do.

My favorite was about a month ago. One of my old gentlemenly type customers had been on vacation. So politely, I ask how his vacation went. He procedes to whip out pictures of his new grandson which I obligingly went "ahhhh, he's cute".

Sidenote--I don't like kids. Most are holy terrors who have no redeeming qualities. No offense to parental obnerites--I am sure you have good kids who I would like. I say most because there are a lot of shitty parents raising god-awful kids and most choose to solicit my store.

So this fine gentlemen told me to do my parents a favor and get pregnant. The sooner the better. I tried to be nice, really. However, it was such a shock that an almost complete stranger was suggesting I get knocked up that I spit out something to the effect of "HELL NO!". I tried to recover but he didn't even mind. He proceeded to talk to me about how great kids are and I should give my parents a baby, that it is my duty as a good daughter. I told him I didn't want kids. He advised that when I met the right guy that would all change. I told him I did and that he doesn't want kids either. This kinda thing went on for about fifteen minutes. He was trying to talk me into having a baby--NOW. Dear god. Finally, I told him that if my mother wanted a baby so badly she should hurry up and have another one herself. I don't think he liked that.

Things have been awkward with him the last few weeks . . .

Keep us updated!

No. Baby. Ever. Will Not Happen. Even if it means my mother's happiness and undying love.

I hate sick people.

Sounds almost exactly like my job when I worked at the Royal Bank of Scotland. I could be a hardass though because we had to clear the cheque for 4PM the same day so if anyone gives you shit you can just say "Do you want your £250,000 cheque cleared or not because if I don't get an authorised signature faxed over in the next 20 minutes this cheque is going straight back to your office!"

I work in a restaurant. I deal with 'clients' all day. I want to punch many of them in the face, yet I cannot. My thoughts on any given day include "Diet coke with vanilla syrup in it... retard, that defeats the purpose of 'diet' since you're just adding more sugar and calories...", "Why the hell are you letting your kid have a chocolate milkshake with his French toast at 9 in the morning??? What the hell kind of parent are you?", "No, I really don't want to give your 2-yr-old Coke in a plastic cup", "You're in a hurry?? This isn't fast food, idiot. Yes, it took 10 minutes for your burger to come out. Because WE HAD TO COOK IT. Dumbass.", "If you can't pronounce the word FETA correctly, I shouldn't have to bring it to you.", and the ever popular "Oh, damn. I got those guys/ladies again. They are here every day, yet they suck. Why are they such bitches?". These are just a few of the things I can't say out loud at work. Oh, I forgot about the classic customer comment "We're gonna make it easy on you and just get shakes". That is not easy on me in the least. As a matter of fact, shakes are the bane of our existence, and they take longer to make than many sandwiches. Customers don't understand this and think they just come out of a machine at the push of a button. So then they whine "Why are our 12 shakes taking so long??"

Ok, I must stop ranting, because this really could go on forever...

<== will never understand why people who don't like dealing with the general public take jobs in retail or customer service.

I like your style. We should have drinks soon.
btw, is your gentlemanly customer Reverend Moon?

update:

Remember how I begged for one DAY without a Blackberry issue? After spending 4 hours getting the CEO's new Blackberry configured for him to take on his overseas trip, he comes in this morning and says, "I don't like it. The buttons are too small. I want my old one back." He leaves at 11 am.

Further, stupid PM upstairs asks if I order engineering publications for our Kirkland, WA office. I tell him I only order for our Oregon and SW Washington offices. What does he do? He sends an email to a Kirkland employee saying "Dana will order this for you." Ummm, did you not understand a goddamned word I just said???

Oh, and then there's always the brilliant "My project backlog data isn't right. It's missing a month's worth of data." Not possible. I swear to fucking GOD, I'm about to choke someone.

Please, caffeine... please do your magic!

agreed.
i worked food service/retail as a teen and loved it. got to know regular customers, hang out and chat. it was great.

i had a friend i used to work with at a kind of general store in a town called inuvik, where i lived for eleven years. my friend was serving someone who didnt like the way he was doing business, so on his way out he said, under his breath "fucking white people". this kind of comment is not really unusual there, so he didnt really take it seriously. however, more to the point, my friend is, although quite caucasian looking, half inuit, so the complete ignorance of the comment was funny.

This thread should be renamed "Let's see who can get squirgelled first"

Yeah I get that. It's not that I don't like dealing with people or working in the service industry, it's just that you get to see way too much of the collective stupidity of human beings. The majority of people I deal with are great... it's that 10% of them that gets to you.

* Caveat: the staff at Alterra will enjoy dealing with you if you, a, have the right hair-cut, b, enjoy ass-to-mouth in the bedroom (obviously, you'll never have heard of e.coli, in that case), c, listen to shitty music like the Bravery, d, espouse distaste for your city, but exemplify exactly those qualities of people in your city that you allege make you loath it.