Man, let's hear it for half days. These kids are out at 12:20, and then I've got stupid meetings. I'm gonna get the cafeteria staff to punch me out at 2:45, and I'm gonna skip on these meetings.

I'm paranoid that I'm reeking of booze and cigarettes and I wish the kids weren't so loud because I think the ghost of John Bonham is practicing Moby Dick inside my skull, and why does walking on level ground make my brain hurt, but walking up the stairs doesn't hurt in that way at all?

What did I drop on my foot last night? It must have been my amp, and I think I got myself good. It looks/feels like I got myself good. And I have a raspberry on my thigh. I've got a helluva reciept for a tab at Paddy Mac's, which isn't near my apartment, and is nowhere near the club I played at last night,

I feel fuzzy. That steak and egg bagel from McDonalds isn't sitting well either. I wish I had more coffee.

first of all, half days are the shit.

second of all, this is some of the best-written stuff i've ever seen on obner.

Amen. POD, you must repeat the scenario tonight- it obviously is inspiring you to Obner greatness.

I think the last time I had a scene like this was the Grammy thread.

Was that good too, or was it bullshit? I have a sneaking suspicion it was bullshit.

You know, i taped the grammy's though, and I'll bet that fucking thread syncs up with the tape tighter than Dark Side of the Moon with ... what fucking movie was it? Wizard of Oz? Alice in Wonderland? I don't know, i never sat down to figure that shit out.

But if that grammy thread was good, maybe I'll restage it.

I feel safe speaking for Colin McSnatchalot in TX, in saying "thumbs up."

Get home, down 2 beers and go right back to sleep. Cap'ns orders.

Oh shit, the fucking problem with me and hangovers is the filter between my brain and my mouth is totally broken. The hot half latina half german gym teacher milf is wearing this tight black top and a very nice above the knee olive drab skirt that makes me believe that her two alleged children are imaginary (what the hell is a 27 year old teacher doing with two kids anyways? still, papi ain't around to tap that ass, and I'm sure everyone else is scared off by the kids, so you know she needs it in a bad way). So she's talking, and I'm tuning her out while I'm checking out her banging body, and then she says "what did you just say?!" and I'm like "I don't know, I'm hungover" and she's like "you just said 'You're a hot piece of ASS'", and i'm like "I did?" and she's like "yeah, you did", so I said "I'm sorry" and she's like "It's o.k., thanks for the compliment", and I said "you're not going to sue me are you?" and she's like "nah, you just lost your job, say whatever the hell you want" and I said "thanks".

Then we talked about this upcoming job fair. I don't know what she was saying, cause i was still checking her out.

For the record Deena is way hotter. And she knows I think like this all the time. And she digs me all the same, although I don't know why. I'm not putting that here just because she's gonna read this and I'm gonna be in trouble. O.k., yeah, that's why I put it there, but i MEAN it.

So uh, babe, can we try and get the gym teacher in a threesome for my birthday?

Thanks.

...you sure you're not actually channeling Colin? Is he lying on the floor somewhere in TX, twitching and speaking in tongues?

<===speechless. That scene has to got be recreated and filmed.

She left, and then she came back to talk to me. I still wasn't paying any attention to her, but I was concentrating on only saying mm-hmmm, and that's nice.

Then she was like "you're totally checking me out" and I was like "yep."

And she's like "you're making me blush" and I said "I'm sorry" but I wanted to say "prove it".

Girl needs attention. My girl would kill her though. Then she'd kill me. I really gotta not get drunk on school nights.

All that, and she still comes back for more? Totally blowing my stereotype of every female gym teacher I've ever met.

OH SHIT, it's TEACHER APPRECIATION DAY, and they're giving us free lunch. From Buona Beef.

I think I'm gonna get italian beef gravy all in my goatee, and let out a big boozy garlic belch in my principals face and be like "yeah bitch, I feel really fucking appreciated. Fucking drag my own gear here to teach these little bastards, bust my chops, and get canned, and all I got was this fucking italian beef, so i thought i'd share it with you, but you get the whisky belch for free, you cunt."

Go home and get that nap, phil. Stat.

I get the feeling that she's got low self esteem which is how she ended up with two kids. "baby, rubbers = like, bareback = LURV, now let me nut inside you."

She's a dirty slutty flirt. I dig that. You know she'd be good in the sack, but a nightmare the other 20 hours of the day.

I'll give her a little ogle, lift her spirits, play to her drama queen side...

ABORT ABORT ABORT

O.k., off to teach two classes, more adventures in hangover land around 12:45, after the italian beef.

Cap'n it don't matter where you get your appetite as long as you EAT AT HOME.

Live by the laws of the land, and you won't get executed.

Sounds like you did you're part

well if this isn't material for at least a temporary sig, i'm not sure what is.

Man, I have had hangovers the size of Montana before, but they never made me feel like hitting on a gym teacher.

Wait...every female gym teacher I can remember played for the other team.

Must have been a world-class drunk last night, Phil.

Best thread ever!

you've got to get shitty on school nights more often. this thread is pure comedy.

I was thinking that too although it might make the birthday threesome a greater possibility.

You only spend 4 hours in the sack?
You need to up that my son.

How does one get fired yet still have a job?