i don't want to talk to you in the locker room. do you understand? if it's that damned important, write it down and tell me after you put your unagi away.

you may tell me if the building we are in is on fire or if death is imminent for some other reason that i am unaware of. other than that, make like we are strangers, dig?

"Scrotum"

Uncle Fu, what's a 'scrotum'?

How long until somebody creates the "naked dudes at attention" thread?

homophobe

Well, Stacey, you know when I turn the heat up to 85 and wear those short shorts around the house, and then I point at my lap and say, "Oh look! I must have sat in gum!" while stretching skin out of those short shorts?

unagi

i was at the gym a few months ago and leaned down to tie my shoe and make the mistake of looking up.

y'all are latent

Oooh, so from now on I should say 'Uncle Fu wants the dog so she can clean up his scrotum'?

you would not fare so well in the scandinavian saunas

interesting you should say that because i have rocked some serious leisure time in icelandic saunas/hot tubs. and in the locker room, my bro wants to kick it while airing out his sweaty hog. i can have a fully clothed convo with you in five minutes bro, what is the rush?

I recently wrote a standup bit along these lines.

Not much out there is uglier than a naked dude. Function over form, I guess.

and it's always the oldest and funkiest dudes

Yeah, at the place I used to work out (Remember like 3-4 years ago, when I was on that big daily workout kick and got all the way down to 299 at one point? Yeah, I figured you'd forget!) there was some old man lawyer, probably in his late-60s/early 70s, who would sit bare-ass naked on a towel in front of his locker talking business on his cell phone for extended periods of time.

That shit used to freak me out something fierce, especially when I ended up having to use a locker near him.

I didn't know guys had such hang ups about being naked in front of each other.

....

Some women might bet to differ.

i don't have a problem with naked dudes

...eh. I will defer to the ladies on this one, but I've always been told that pretty much nobody actually wants to look at the junk, except maybe Opa.

Did you somehow work in the word "sangwich"?

I never realized looking at someone's crotch was so important to conversation. No wonder I was never popular in school.

there is such a thing as decorum is all. you can get naked with me around, let's just not pretend that everything is business as usual when your tacklebox is open that's all i'm saying.