From the episode "King Size Homer."

Lisa: Dad, what are you doing down there?
Homer: Washing my fat guy hat, honey.

In fact that episode is my aboslute favourite and there are many quotes from it that I love. Sadly, the fat guy hat scene has been cut in syndication.

The fingers you have used to dial this number are too fat, to obtain a special dialing wand, plaese mash the key pad.

Kodos: "The politics of failure have failed, we must make them work again"

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 16-34, everyone listens to my ideas, no matter how stupid they are." *picks up a can of 'Nuts and Gum, Together at Last"

GODDAMNIT I HAVE SO MUCH MORE!!!

Lisa: "Do you even know what a rhetorical question is, dad?"

Homer: "Do I know what a rhetorical question is?"

Shoplifting dates back to ancient days where robbers would lift up tents to steal the sweet, sweet olives within. Oh, Malchesadar... will you ever learn?

At Lisa and Bart's hockey game;

Homer - "It's your child versus mine. The winner will be showered with praise. The loser will be booed and taunted until my throat is sore."

Lisa: Bart, water will only go the other way in the Southern hemisphere.
Bart: What the hell is the Southern hemisphere?
Lisa: Haven't you ever looked at your globe? See, the Southern hemisphere is made up of everything below the equa-- this line.
Bart: Hmm. So down there in, say, Argentina, or... Rand McNally, all their water runs backwards?
Lisa: Uh huh. In fact, in Rand McNally, they wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people.
Bart: Cool!

"it's time to play the waiting game"

"i hate the waiting game, let play hungry hungry hippos!"

"Come on, kids, let's go home."
"Dad, we are home."
"That was fast."

Sign outside the Reader's Digest Essay Contest that won Lisa the trip to DC:

"Brevity Is…Wit."

Also:
Chalmers: "I'm a public servant. I can't use my judgment"



NP: The Pointer Sisters :: "How Long (Betcha Gotta Chick On The Side)"

"Ahh, cartoons! America's only native art form. I don't count jazz 'cuz it sucks"- Bartholomew J. Simpson

jc

Also from that episode

"But what I really like is your vocabulary builder. That thing is really, really, really...good." - Homer

"But Aquaman, you can't marry a woman without gills. You're from two different worlds!"

Troy McClure: And now, the man who puts the 'you' in impr'you'vement, Brian Goodman."

Mr. Burns: Homer, I want you to show this woman the best night of her life.
Homer: Marge, we're picking up take-out and doing it twice

Waiter to Selma: Please don't smoke in our restaurant. We don't serve contemporary California cuisine in your lungs.

Homer: Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.

Homer: The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!


God, there are so many. I could go on for days.

Homer: "Kids, you tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is: never try."

In the episode where she marries Troy McClure and he takes her to dinner at "Ugli," she lights up a cigarette and an adjacent diner says, "Excuse me...I ordered a Zima, not emphysema!"

Marge: Homer, thats not God, thats a pancake Bart threw up there last week.

Homer: I know i shouldnt eat thee, but.......mmmm......sacrilicious.

When Marge asks Lovejoy if he will conduct last rites for gravely ill Grandpa Simpson he replies, "That's Catholic, Marge. You might as well ask me to do a voodoo dance."

Burns sees the smoke signals Marge and Lisa have made.

Burns: [from a balcony,sighs] Ahhhhh...The Pawnee have returned. They probably want their souls back.


That just cracks me up for some reason.


Hutz: And so, ladies and gentleman of the jury I rest my case.
Judge: Hmmm. Mr. Hutz, do you know that you're not wearing any pants?
Hutz: DAAAA!! I move for a bad court thingy.
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Hutz: Right!! That's why you're the judge and I'm the law-talking guy.
Judge: You mean the lawyer?
Hutz: Right.

I still chuckle everytime I think about Colonel Kwickymart's Kentucky Bourbon... or Chef Lonelyheart's Soup For One.

What about Farmer Homer's Sweet, Sweet Sugar?

... which reminds me a favorite quote, handily enough: When Bart is half fly, and he's got his snout in a bag of sugar on the couch, and Homer's hand is reaching over the shoulder to get it, and Bart snarls, Homer says "Ok boy, it's your suger, heh heh" and then starts reaching for it again.

"It tastes like burning"

"Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a pirate!" -ralph

Marge: Homer, your'e all excited, we'll get you home, get some beer in you, then it's straight to bed.

Homer: BEER, BEER, BEER, BED, BED, BED!!!

i bent my wookie